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Recap: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ‘Queen of Mean’ Edition

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Recap: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ‘Queen of Mean’ Edition

Yolanda is the “Queen of Mean” this week. She’s set things up exactly as she wants them, and now that Lisa and Ken took off from the Puerto Rico trip early, she’s able to plant all sorts of nonsense in the other Housewives’ minds. What’s crazy is that these ladies have leaned on Lisa repeatedly over the years and she’s always come through for them – how is Yolanda turning everybody against her in such record time? Carlton is not the only witch on the RHOBH.

“How can you love somebody that throws you under the bus like that and talks about your husband that way?” Yolanda asks Kyle in front of all the women. Kyle’s response? “I need therapy hahaha!” Wow, is that really funny?

Joyce and her husband are Ken and Lisa haters too. Joyce tells everybody that Lisa looks guilty because she left. And when Mauricio voices his concerns to Joyce’s husband Michael on the golf course, he’s right in there to stir the pot (a male Yolanda?). “Are you being betrayed? … I think you still are owed an answer.” Michael sounds like a woman when he says “I can’t imagine how you slept at all.”

Fortunately, they were all able to put aside their sadness over the situation with their friends to go shopping in Old San Juan and have a nice lunch. As a proud resident of Puerto Rico, I can tell you that iguanas aren’t actually native to the island and most of us don’t have them as pets or dress them up. The first time I ever saw anybody in Puerto Rico hugging a lizard was on this TV show. Did it merit that much airtime? I would have liked to see more of the city than the ladies dancing in the fountain. Though that pic Kyle got of them making a run for it was pretty damned funny.

Once they returned from their trip, this became the “separation anxiety” episode with Kim and Yolanda both dropping daughters’ off for freshmen year of college in San Diego and New York, respectively.

Kim complains that “they’re making her live on campus,” which as we all know, will be an excellent experience for the previously pampered kid. Kim probably wanted Kimberly to live at home and go to school nearby because that child looks very happy to be saying goodbye to mom at her dorm.

But before we go there, let’s talk about Kim’s baby daddy, John. YUM! Have we met him before? Seems like a nice guy so he’s probably stayed as far away from this as possible. Good call. Love the way he and Kim are able to co-parent and share such a special time together with their daughter. Not a Kim fan, but I have to give her props for that. You don’t see it very often. The way she boohooed all over Kimberly in the dorm lobby was a bit much. I remember me crying and my mom holding it together. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work? But Yolanda doesn’t get that either. It’s not about the moms.

Yolanda didn’t let Gigi live in a dorm in Manhattan. In fact, the poor girl is living alone in an apartment because her friend’s parents are making her intended roommate live in the dorms. While I love what Yolanda did with Gigi to help her get moved in and settled, it seemed like she was imposing a lot of stress on her daughter with all her emotional garbage about leaving Gigi behind. Gigi was pretty psyched to get mom out of there by the time she left. She has a lot in common with Kim’s daughter on that level.

Yolanda’s priorities were cracking me up. Teaching Gigi the incredibly important skill-set of how to properly arrange hundreds of dollars in fresh orchids all over the apartment is absolutely something every college freshman should know. And she kept moaning about all the advice she meant to give her but then all she kept doing is reminding her to keep receipts for hair and mani/pedis because they’re all “tax deductible.”

Really, Yolanda? That’s your parting advice for your daughter beginning her life in the Big Apple? Donald Trump might approve… then again, maybe he wouldn’t. It’s just a weird thing to worry about in that moment, but maybe production edited out some of the mushier stuff. I can only hope.

With all the help she was giving Gigi, Yolanda still found time to stir the pot from 2,000 miles away on the phone with Brandi. Brandi’s tired of it of the whole Lisa drama but Yolanda urges her on. “We can’t take a break til we put all the apples out on the table.” Whose apples are you playing with here, Yoyo? Can’t help but think of the wicked Queen in Snow White.

Brandi’s bizarre visit to Yolanda’s house the prior week with her parents to give her mother a car needs so much more explanation than she thought her father would accept the gift if she did it in front of “his girlfriend Yolanda.” It wasn’t long ago that Brandi’s dad was thinking his daughter was behaving like a big trampy lush and he wasn’t speaking to her. The car is a lovely gesture, but I think Brandi needs to remember the old song “Money Can’t Buy Me Love.”

Lisa is genuinely hurt – both she and Ken feel betrayed by Brandi. She tells Carlton “they’re probably all celebrating because I’m gone” and Carlton compares them to sharks circling when they taste blood. Lovely. Probably accurate though.

“Ambushed, attacked” is the way Lisa describes the encounter to Carlton. “They each have their own little list of things.” Carlton tells her “my children behave better than that” and “this is what I cannot stand about insecure women.” Sounds like it’s time for somebody to get out her magic cauldron again. Can she make all their screen savers say “You are a MEAN GIRL?”

Kyle is planning the Chamber of Commerce celebration for the 100th anniversary of Beverly Hills, and of course, EVERYBODY is invited. As major business people in the area, Lisa and Ken are expected to attend although neither wants to go. Ken says they’re not his friends anymore, and Lisa says she only ever really wants to see Carlton, and maybe Joyce, again. Think twice Lisa, Joyce is not your friend. Nor is her husband Michael. If only you could have seen the Puerto Rico footage in real time.

The teaser for next week shows mad drama at the Chamber of Commerce party, with each individual Housewife confronting Lisa, and Lisa maintaining a bored expression. She’s had it with this crew, and I don’t blame here. The other women have behaved abysmally and she’s held her head high and walked away from the conflict. I don’t think it’s because she’s lying, it’s because she’s had enough. Why are they acting like hyenas?

Maybe the other cast members of RHOBH are just jealous that Giggy has his own contest to find a bff running on BravoTV now? It’s entirely possible with this crew. But to be honest, next week has to be more interesting that this week (snore). I liked Ken’s solution to the problem of attending the big fiesta with the other RHOBH – “I’ll have the mayor throw them all out!”

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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