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Marriage Boot Camp Recap: Reality Stars, the ready to getanut edition

attends the WE tv premiere of "Marriage Boot Camp" Reality Stars and "Ex-isled" on November 19, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.
Benzino and Althea at the WE tv premiere of “Marriage Boot Camp” Reality Stars and “Ex-isled” on November 19, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

I called this on Week One. I said all hell was going to break loose when Cedric finally found out that Sundy slept with Benzino. I just can’t believe it took six days on WEtv’s “Marriage Boot Camp” for him to figure it out. Everybody in the house knew except Cedric.

Last week ended with Althea hitting Benzino and him yelling for production to call the police.

“Go call the police now. I want her locked up. I want to file charges,” Benzino demands. But production talks him out of calling the police. Not sure what I think of that because it’s probably not the first time she’s hit him. That’s domestic violence, plain and simple. He asked to have the police called. There’s a reason that “must arrest” laws exist – it’s so nobody can talk a domestic violence victim out of having their abuser arrested.

I was happy to see that they called in Marriage Boot Camp Director Jim Carrol, and Jim called co-director David, to go back into the mansion and deal with the chaos after Althea hit Benzino. In prior seasons, when things got violent late at night, it was obvious nobody was alerting the boot camp directors to the problem. While I wish they had called the police, at least they brought the professionals back to help deal with it.

It’s pure chaos upstairs, with Althea and Benzino screaming, security and production, and cameras everywhere. Sean and Catherine are uncomfortable with the throw-down and go downstairs to join the rest of the campers to gossip.

“She hit him – we heard it,” Sean tells the crew in the kitchen.

“He grabbed me and I defended myself,” Althea tells David. “I hit him back.”

She’s upset that Benzino told Jim and Elizabeth she’s pregnant. Benzino says Althea brings out the worst in him.

“I’m a happy girl. I’m not happy in this relationship… I have no wedding date,” Althea tells David. Aha! Now we see why she’s bitter – no engagement ring! #Ouch

“I’m just tired of fighting,” Althea says. And yet she starts every fight and continues to stomp out of the room at every chance. Bitch is toxic.

I’m just tired of Althea and Benzino, and so is everybody else. I wish they’d kick them out.

“If this happens again, you’re going to be told to leave the boot camp immediately,” Jim warns. “We do not tolerate that kind of behavior at the boot camp.”

“We need to help them break the cycle,” Elizabeth says. But I’m not even sure that’s possible.

Later in the episode, during the famous sex puppets drill that’s usually so hilarious, Benzino and Althea are rude and disrespectful to the entire household, most importantly to their director Elizabeth.

“You know what, we’re going to stop now… we can’t even get through a freakin drill without the two of you acting up. Now I’ve got other people that I have to take care of here so I’m going to ask you two to take your places back, hand your puppets in, and we’ll talk later,” Elizabeth says.

“Do you want us to leave the house? Do you want us to leave the program?” Benzino asks. He’s totally put out that he cannot be the center of attention whenever he wants.

“I don’t want you to leave, I want you to behave,” Elizabeth says. I’ve NEVER seen her look so pissed during any book camp drill, especially not sex puppets.

But now, I’m way ahead of myself because the drill was in the afternoon.

To start the day on a happier note, Catherine and Mama June set out to make a “family” breakfast for everybody, but all the other campers have opinions when they come into the kitchen. If you’re not cooking, keep it to yourself.

Ink comes down on Althea at breakfast and they get into it.

“Nobody needs to figure nobody out,” Althea says.

“Stop Ink, you don’t have to have a friggin opinion about everything,” Mama June grumbles.

“I try to ignore Ink as much as I could,” Althea says.

Catherine is furious that her “family” breakfast got ruined by Ink picking on Althea. So, Ink picks a fight with Catherine.

“Catherine, no. You’re mad at me, Catherine?” Ink asks.

“I’ve shown everybody loads of respect here,” Catherine says in interview. “I feel like I’m just being sucked dry.”

“Ink thinks he’s doing good by diagnosing everybody, but he’s not a Ph.D. He’s not a psychologist,” Sean isn’t happy to hear Ink fucking with Catherine. That makes his life harder if she’s upset. But he doesn’t defend her.

And all this before the first exercise of the day.

The house is split between those who are dishing with Althea, and those who are talking up Benzino. In the course of conversation, Cedric realized that Althea and Benzino actually KNEW each other a lot better than he’d been led to believe.

“I knew Benzino before we came here,” Sundy admits.

“You should mention that I went out with this guy but you didn’t,” Cedric says.

“Don’t make me befriend him and at the same time he could walk away and clown me,” Cedric is pissed because he feels like Sundy’s made him look stupid. She did. But we feel sorry for him because she’s a bitch.

Sundy denies ever having slept with Benzino.

“That wasn’t clear because I was under the impression that y’all slept together,” Althea says. She could care less, but she’s having fun putting Sundy on the spot.

“I would love to know when we slept together,” Sundy says. “I never, never… not even a kiss, nothing.”

“Me and Sundy hooked up one time – meaning us having sex,” Benzino clarifies.

“You fucked Benzino, right?” Ink whispers to Sundy.

She tells him that she swears on her kids that nothing happened.

“Sundy’s lying. And she’s not being fully honest with Ced,” Ink is loving starting a war between these other couples. He’s such a pot-stirrer.

“I would just call it a friendly hooking up, a couple of times,” Benzino says. Wait, now it’s a couple of times??? Hmmm.

“No, Benzino we never had sex,” Sundy insists. These people need to drink less and sleep around less. Good grief.

When the group gathers for the next exercise, Sundy and Benzino are missing because they’re arguing with each other over whether or not they’ve had sex. It’s hilarious. Their partners are not amused.

“Let’s talk about sex,” Elizabeth kicks off the exercise. Oh the timing… ROFL.

“Insecurities, lack of emotional connection and poor communication are just a few problems that can make their way into the bedroom,” Elizabeth begins.

“Sometimes your puppet can say things that you just can’t say for yourselves,” Co-Director Ilsa Norman explains. Anybody else notice that Jim and David are ALWAYS conspicuously absent for the sex puppet drill? Bahahaha!

Sundy kicks off with giving Cedric’s puppet a blow job, almost like she’s trying to make peace. Turns out they’re not having sex because Sundy cheated on Cedric.

“I’m looking for honesty if I’m going to be intimate,” Cedric says.

Althea and Benzino are next, but they get shut down for misbehaving. We’ve all watched them fight enough. Snore.

Catherine and Sean seem to have it pretty together.

“Catherine and Sean opening up about their sex life is a breakthrough,” Elizabeth says.

“Catherine and Sean are fucking boring,” Ink complains.

Ink and Sarah are hilarious, but you knew they would be.

“Let me stand up here on this headboard,” Sarah jokes.

Elizabeth has to explain the drill is about intimacy, not just sex.

Mama June and Sugar Bear are pretty funny. They met in a chatroom.

“I was like, ready to getanut,” was Mama June’s first reaction when she saw Sugar Bear. Not even going to look that one up in the urban dictionary. Use your imagination.

Sugar Bear’s puppet goes down on June’s puppet, and everybody in the room looks embarrassed. Kinda like watching parents having sex. Ew.

As soon as the puppet drill is finished, Althea and Benzino start fighting again. And Sundy and Benzino are arguing about whether or not they had sex.

Cedric feels like a fool when he hears this conversation and Sundy finally admitting she slept in a bed with Benzino. He freaks.

Elizabeth, Jim and Judge Lynn Toler are watching them fight from the control room, and all agree that Sundy is lying. They break up the fight with end-of-day evaluations.

Judge Toler tears up Sean for not getting Catherine’s back when she got into a fight with Ink. I agree. I just wish she’d articulate better.

“If a man and I are in it, my husband’s supposed to BOOM,” Toler says. “BOOM.”

WTF does that mean? If a man insults you or argues with you, your husband is supposed to hit him? Stand up for you? What??? For the love of God, Judge Toler, dust off the Ivy League degree and speak like an educated woman to these people.

She’s right on the money with Ink and Sarah, though.

“Watching the two of you is like watching a circus,” Toler says. “You picked this guy and he’s got a whole case of crazy that he’s carrying.” She tells Sarah she has to deal with it if she wants him.

“Althea and Benzino, you guys alright?” Toler asks.

“No,” Benzino says. Duh.

“If you don’t learn to use the tools the Jim and Elizabeth are giving you, you relationship will be over,” Toler predicts. Thank you Mistress of the Obvious. But this relationship is entirely too far gone to save. I think the baby would be better off with Benzino and Althea as far apart as possible.

After evals, Althea stalks off to bed leaving Benzino on the couch, again. But they’re not the only couple fighting.

“I’m still baffled… she’s always lying. At this point, I can’t trust here, period,” Cedric says.

I REALLY hope that Jim and Elizabeth kick Benzino and Althea out of the house next week, but that never happens. They’re a distraction from everybody else, and it’s clear their relationship is hopeless.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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