Recap: “Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars,” The Rat You Guys Out Edition


It’s hard to write a blog about this week’s “Marriage Boot Camp” on WEtv when the teasers for next week show Reid throwing a leg – literally – at Aviva during a boot camp drill. I’m still laughing so hard I’m crying. But now that I’ve shared that little ending nugget, we’ll go back to the beginning.

We already knew that Natalie and Heidi are #MeanGirls and #BadGirls – but tonight we found out they’re also cheaters. Natalie and Heidi break into the “deal breaker” envelopes that contain each camper’s answer from the lie detector test on the first day. The envelopes aren’t supposed to be revealed til the end of the program.

What’s fascinating is that these nosy little bitches don’t even look at their own envelopes, or their spouses’ envelopes, first. They look at Tyson’s. He lied.

Reid catches them in the act. And then joins in.

“I’m going to rat you guys out… give me Aviva’s,” he reads it from a distance because he doesn’t want his fingerprints on it.

Nobody else catches them, but it’s all on film. Duh.

Natalie and Jacob are bitching at each other before the first drill for the day even begins. What’s nuts is that Natalie is asking Jacob to take the pictures for her that he objects to her posting. What is completely insane is that he actually does it. For a little bit. When he stops, she gets mean.

“She’s tweaking at this point,” Jacob says Natalie is having a tough time being cut off from posting pics on Instagram.

“My fans are wondering where I am. I’m literally stuck in this boot camp house going crazy,” Natalie whines.

“She can’t go four minutes without posting something,” Jacob complains.

Natalie starts bitching that “Marriage Boot Camp” is messing up her life.

“You’re letting Jim and Elizabeth, you’re letting their little program, get me more mad,” Natalie tells him. Hmm. The boot camp directors, Jim and Elizabeth Carroll, have clearly made an impression on this camper.

“They’re trying to change you and I married you for you because you were on Team Natalie… now you’re on team Marriage Boot Camp trying to run my life,” Nat gets aggressive. So much anger.

Before the first exercise begins, Jim busts them for breaking into the “deal breaker” questions that were supposed to remain sealed til the end of boot camp.

“Apparently some of them have been opened,” Jim says.

“Those who opened up the envelopes are demonstrating severe trust issues, a need to control things, and deceptive behavior. All of these are relationship killers,” Jim explains in interview.

Elizabeth says they’re testing their integrity by asking them to come forward. Surprise, surprise! Heidi and Natalie own up but Reid keeps his mouth shut. Guess that tells us all something about stockbrokers and their morals, right?

“I did almost everybody’s,” Heidi admits to having snooped. “I didn’t know we were only allowed to open them at the end.” Nobody believes her. That’s cuz she’s lying.

“I wanted to know what was in Tyson’s envelope so I can try to help Rachel without giving her the answer of what was in the envelope,” Natalie tries to justify her actions. Rachel doesn’t look appreciative.

“We told you there would be consequences. You two will be shoveling the stables,” Jim tells Natalie and Heidi. They don’t get lunch and have to shovel s**t instead. And they’re pissed Reid isn’t out there with them but they didn’t snitch. That’s interesting, too.

Heidi offers to pay the stable hand to shovel s**t for her.

“She’s not fooling us with this behavior that suggests she would never deliberately behave badly,” Elizabeth sees through the nonsense.

Jim says how nosy she is tells them a lot about her marriage.

“They’re here to learn and to grow and there are no excuses,” Elizabeth says.

“You two have disrupted the process enough for today,” Elizabeth moves on to the morning activity which is writing their needs on t-shirts and then talking about them and cutting the pieces out. Kinda looks like a zombie movie when they’re done.

In short, Kiwane needs more sex. Natalie needs more money.

“Natalie is money hungry. If Natalie had a favorite dress it would be made of money,” Jacob says.

“Money will make me feel more secure,” Nat says she won’t have to post half-naked selfies if she has more money. I don’t believe her. She likes the attention.

Jacob’s number one need is respect.

“You don’t respect me as a husband and it angers me,” Jacob tells Natalie.

At lunch, Spencer busts Reid for not owning up to being one of the perps, and Aviva tells him he should be out shoveling s**t. Reid tells everyone his “fingerprints” aren’t on the envelope. Groan.

After lunch, the group gathers for the “Spouse Swap” exercise that we all know isn’t going to go very well with Natalie participating. She posts half-naked pics on social media all day but nobody is allowed to even look at her husband. Such a double standard.

“It’s time to mix things up a bit and see if someone else can fill those holes,” Elizabeth explains that when a spouse isn’t getting their needs met at home, they will look to fill them elsewhere and they will find someone who will meet those needs.

These were not accidental pairings, Jim explains. The exercise reinforces to the spouse that needs can be met elsewhere.

They partner Heidi and Jacob, and Natalie’s visibly freaking. They’re going horseback riding. Heidi snarks about how it’s not a romantic activity as they leave. She knows it’s making Natalie nuts and she loves it.

But think about it, what else does Heidi have? She’s made a career out of trying to make people feel less than her. It’s because she’s so damned insecure but it’s still a very unpleasant characteristic of her personality.

“We paired Heidi and Jacob together because deep down they both crave a simpler life but they’ve married spouses obsessed with money and a warped sense of what it means to provide for a family,” Elizabeth says. I think she’s giving Heidi too much credit. She wants money bad.

On the date, Heidi boohoos about the baby and Jake defends Spencer for not feeling ready. Then Heidi, knowing it will piss off Natalie, goads Jacob into taking his shirt off for some pictures.

If you recall, Natalie specifically forbid Jacob to take off his shirt on day one. Strange rules in these marriages in my opinion. But I’m not a professional. Seems like the rule should be that Natalie needs to start keeping her own ass covered.

Jacob gets into it and plays along, posing, and it’s going to get him in big trouble later.

Spencer and Natalie were paired together as well, but they took a jujitsu lesson that had them rolling around on a mat in pajamas together.

“Now that he’s in a position where he’s allowed to take the lead, we’re seeing a different
Spencer,” Elizabeth says, watching them wrestle.

“Syleena and I see Natalie and Spencer wrestling on the floor and it was hysterical,” Reid says. “If Jacob finds out about this, he’s going to flip.” Then he and Syleena joke about tattling.

Truth: I think Reid is a bit of an instigator. A weenie instigator. But a troublemaker nonetheless.

Syleena and Reid did mixology and made some fun cocktails but mostly they just talked. Syleena listened. Something Reid isn’t used to with Aviva.

“You’re very knowledgeable about what you do and that should be very reassuring for a wife…” Syleena is totally giving Reid the spotlight. Does she do that for her own husband? I don’t know that we’ve seen them in this sort of scenario to judge.

Rachel and Kiwane go canoeing and have a nice peaceful, calm afternoon. They have similar personalities and gel well together.

“This is good quality time,” Kiwane says as they paddle out.

Kiwane tells Rachel how happy he is that he and Syleena had a small wedding because it they’d had a big affair it would have been for “other people.”

Aviva and Tyson are making sushi together. It was so awkward watching them communicate.

“Both of them live almost entirely in their heads,” Elizabeth says.

Aviva tells him to start complimenting her to meet her needs. Tyson covers up the awkward factor with humor, praising everything she does.

After the “Spouse Swap,” it’s time for evaluations. The couples sit paired with their spouse-of-the-day.

“We’re just pow wow pals,” Heidi announces of her and Jacob, needling Natalie just because she can.

“It’s always dangerous in close proximity to Natalie,” Spencer jokes in interview. But he’s not kidding.

Everybody learned something from the exercise except Heidi and Natalie.

Reid agrees he needs to validate Aviva more. Tyson wants to try new things.

“I learned that doing something new automatically brings a little bit excitement to the relationship and I think that would help up,” he says.

“Reid was really passionate and I was inspired by the way he talked about his stuff,” Syleena says of Reid’s business knowledge.

“What?” Aviva spouts, almost involuntarily. She doesn’t like to hear her husband is passionate about anything because he’s certainly not passionate about her anymore.

“I actually feel angry. I feel like you’re taking all my years of listening and support and dedication for granted,” Aviva tells Reid after she hears all this.

Rachel liked that Kiwane doesn’t answer every question with a joke. That’s why she spends so much time with her friends, avoiding Tyson who never takes anything seriously.

Kiwane liked the team effort.

“Sometimes all I need you to be is THERE,” Kiwane tells Syleena. She agrees.

“I got the acceptance from him,” Natalie tells Jacob, saying Spencer understands the Instagram thing. But I think she misheard him because that’s not exactly what Spencer said. But it doesn’t matter. Jacob’s mad.

Spencer tells Heidi that Natalie agrees with him, not her, about the baby thing, and sees his logic about the finances. Scoring points all around. Wow, if looks could kill.

“I started getting a little upset when I started talking about you and your confidence,” Heidi says Spencer used to be all about taking over the world but we all know she’s basically just bummed that he’s just an unemployed reality star now. Who won’t get her preggers.

“Approach the rest of your life with that confidence,” Jim tells Spencer. I actually felt sorry for Spencer for about 30 seconds. Then I remembered everything else I know about him and that passed.

Finally, the big reveal. And because he’s mad about her time with Spencer, Jacob comes out guns blazing at Natalie.

“I know what Natalie likes. So I took a picture for her,” Jacob shows her the picture he took shirtless with Heidi. “For us to frame at our house. Being a bad boy.” There’s actually a lot of pictures on that iPad.

“You like that Spencer? Your wife taking pictures – multiple pictures? With your shirt off?” Natalie screams.

Heidi says she’s the one with a right to be mad because Natalie was rolling around with Spencer in jujitsu. Does Heidi ever take any responsibility for anything she does? Speidi should stay together forever because they’re really, truly a perfectly f**ked-up match.

“Getting our needs met feels good. It just does. And when we’re getting those needs met outside of our marriage, we’re putting our marriages at risk,” Elizabeth tells the group as they say goodnight. But the fun is just beginning.

“The ass ain’t better on the other side,” Natalie mutters as she stomps out of the room.

“Kaboom, this is going to be the best movie I’ve ever seen in my life,” Tyson says, watching the fireworks begin.

“It is a double standard,” Syleena says of Natalie’s issue with Jacob taking off his shirt. Nat’s ass is all over the Internet.

When Jacob and Natalie get back to their bedroom, production has the pictures scrolling on little screens all over the place. HILARIOUS. Natalie’s freaking and they turn them off.

“Heidi needs her ass whooped for that,” Natalie says. “I’m going to beat your f**king ass.” Then she mutters to herself about how she’s going to rearrange Heidi’s “crooked-ass, plastic-surgery-ass look on her face.” Nice.

“Here’s the deal, don’t ever do no f**king s**t like that again or I will snap… You shouldn’t have even gone on that date,” Natalie threatens Jake. Like he had a choice. You’re on “Marriage Boot Camp” and you already spent your lunch hour shoveling s**t for breaking the rules. Time to get with the program, Natalie.

“Not my marriage. I don’t have to deal with her,” Heidi says as she struts off across the house to basically disappear. Not a bad call at that point. Natalie is hot.

“I’m telling you right now Jacob – I’m about to f**k that little bitch up,” Natalie warns. Why doesn’t he tell her to stop? I think he’s enjoying her jealousy. Little taste of how he feels when her ass is on some guy’s screen next to him at Starbucks.

“How long is she going to be mad? Until Natalie calms down,” Tyson jokes about Heidi bitching about Natalie and Spencer’s physical contact during jujitsu. But he’s right. Heidi wouldn’t care unless she needed ammo to fight back – and she does. But she’s underequipped.

“I’m going to address it,” Natalie storms out of the bedroom with Jacob on her heels almost encouraging her. Seriously?

“Heidi, I’m going to beat your f**king ass,” Natalie yells out as she looks for her. Heidi appears to be hiding on a couch at the far end of the mansion. Good call.

And that’s where they left us hanging. OMG, what if Natalie touches Heidi’s face??? Bahaha!

Next week, it’s the electric zap drill and Reid’s throwing leg, literally. I’m not going to miss that!

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