Good news! Rachel realizes that Lee is the snake in the grass making everyone’s lives hell for the last few weeks, and chooses to send him packing over wrestler Kenny in the two-on-one date. That was the right decision. Other decisions this week weren’t quite so obvious. Or logical.
Kenny making the decision to lecture Lee before hopping on the helicopter with Rachel was decidedly illogical. Not only was there no point, Rachel was unimpressed. Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Eye on the prize! There’s no need to inform Rachel you had to get your simmering contempt for Lee off your chest, either.
While Kenny whiffed the ball, most of the off-kilter decisions were made by Rachel.
The heart wants what it wants, but I’m starting to suspect that Rachel’s heart wants to have down-and-dirty sex with Bryan before going home to her own bed alone. It wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve seen on this show.
Yes, we’ve reached the point on the show when it’s all about culling the herd, but Rachel’s decision-making process is utterly baffling.
At the rose ceremony, she kicks Josiah and Anthony to the curb. Josiah didn’t see the writing on the wall, even though Rachel had helpfully spray painted it there the last time they spoke.
When a woman tells you that you seem disingenuous and uninterested in asking her questions — and you still don’t ask her questions about herself — how on earth is it possible to act surprised?
Anthony being cut, however, really was a surprise. He had a great date with Rachel! They rode horses into stores! They got matching cowboy boots!
How is that not a cute story to tell the grandkids?
Still, there are plenty of other fish in Rachel’s personal aquarium.
The first one-on-one goes to Eric. Eric is giddy with excitement!
He’s a little too giddy, if you ask me, but Rachel isn’t the least bit turned off by his admission he’s never been in love before.
Possibly because he’s less awkward than Jack Stone and nowhere near as creepy, she lets him stick around.
While Will gets the last one-on-one, the other guys get a ridiculous Viking fight group date. There’s sword fighting.
If it’s supposed to make tourists flock to Copenhagen, it is not effective.
We do learn that Dean, despite being very pretty, is not so great at full-contact sports.
Well, full-contact sports that aren’t a euphemism for something else, wink wink, nudge nudge.
After a fake battle with Adam that ends up drawing real blood (while not making the whole debacle any less silly), Kenny has a heart-to-heart with Rachel.
He needs to know if there’s potential there. He’s got a daughter, dammit!
Turns out, no potential. Bye, Kenny.
Later, Will’s date seems… fine. There’s no spark, however, and Rachel isn’t feeling the love.
Then, Will makes an admission that he’s mostly dated white women in the past.
Rachel seems put out. She had the same upbringing as Will, and she didn’t stick strictly to white guys!
Until, um, now.
After Kenny leaves, only one guy is black.
Eric has said that Rachel doesn’t seem interested in black men, and he may have a point — even though, ironically, he’s the last black man standing.
She also seems to have nothing in common with Eric, so it’s hard to see him going much further.
Still, at least he’ll go further than Will. After he compounds his problems by telling Rachel he’s a very passionate guy (with, apparently, all the white women he’s dated but not Rachel), she’s ready to send him home.
There’s only one more bachelor to cut loose, and just the prospect of having to do it makes Rachel burst into ugly-cry tears.
For reasons I will never understand, she keeps Adam and Matt, two guys who have barely escaped the editing floor and who are, let’s face it, not all that cute, and cuts Alex.
Alex was charming, spoke Russian, and was pretty damn hot.
Matt dressed up like a sweaty penguin to meet Rachel and appears to be losing his hair at a rapid pace.
I keep forgetting Adam is on the show at all, and apparently so do the editors.
Truly, the only real contenders left on the show are Peter and Bryan. But we’re sure to have many two-hour episodes before we get there, I’m sure.
The Bachelorette airs on Mondays at 8:00 p.m.