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Teen Mom OG rant: The nobody wants to see Farrah’s mom in a godawful rap video edition

Teen Mom OG Debra Danielsen choosing an outfit for her rap video

It appears Teen Mom OG’s Farrah Abraham has finally gotten her act together, despite her questionable past. So this is the perfect time for her fame-seeking, coattail-grabbing mother to release a rap video, right?

Featured in the MTV special called Being Debra, Farrah’s mother Debra Danielsen has given her daughter yet another issue to discuss in therapy.

Farrah and Sophia are doing just fine in Austin, where she’s just opened a boutique for her daughter.

From all the conversations we hear during the special between them, Farrah wants as little to do with her mother as possible.

But Deb is determined to reintroduce herself to the world.

“The other thing that’s happening, I’ve started my own record label,” Debra says.

Of course you have.

The MTV special features Deb writing her rap song (or rather, Deb making stupid comments while a paid production team and writer create her rap song, and laboriously walk her through the process of following the beat of the music).

Her producer describes her dancing as the “white-girl two step”.

If MTV was testing the waters about doing giving Deb her own series, let me be the first to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The special was painful enough, but I felt like I had to watch it before taking a cheap shot at her godawful video.

It looks like something filmed in a teenager’s basement, and sounds worse.

And I definitely could have gone my whole life without her watching her choosing bustiers and g-strings with her boyfriend. Um, I meant fiancé.

By the way, he’s an infectious diseases specialist. How convenient for this family.

None of their children are excited about this relationship. Particularly his kids. I actually don’t think Farrah cares.

Good lord, can you even imagine finding out your dad was going to marry THAT? What a nightmare.

Deb Danielsen and her fiance Dr. David Merz, who gave her an infinity ring, not an engagement ring

David gave her an infinity ring, and she says he proposed, but it kinda sounds like she forced the matter. He’s going to live to regret it.

“We could like, have a destination wedding,” Deb wants to get a big house on a volcano and have all their kids come.

Reality Check: None of your kids will want to come to your wedding, destination or otherwise.

David pushes back. She says she needs a big wedding to get married because she takes marriage seriously. More likely, she’s trying to get an MTV special about it to get it paid for, and get more camera time.

Farrah wants no part in the video. She tells Deb she has other priorities.

Deb’s not letting her off the hook that easily.

“Remember in therapy – you may plan things and our communication isn’t really that great so I haven’t spoken to you that much and this comes out of nowhere to me because I haven’t really been involved,” Farrah says.

“I’ve been communicating with you. I’ve been texting and you don’t respond to me,” Deb says.

Take the hint, mom.

Farrah tells Deb she’s not doing the video, and that she wants them to practice the communication exercises they’ve been given.

“The doctor’s told me that I was fine and I didn’t need all this therapy,” Deb claims.

Farrah thanks her for her call but blows her off, basically tells her to get back into therapy.

“She’s cut me out of her f****** life, and I can show you the email and the words,” Deb complains to her friend.

Again Deb, take the hint. Farrah’s an adult now.

“She wants me to go get myself fixed. There’s nothing wrong with myself. The doctors told me that,” Deb tells anyone who will listen.

The problem is that anybody watching this disagrees strongly. That lady is anything but “fixed”.

Despite Farrah’s dismissal of the project, Deb tries to recruit granddaughter Sophia to perform a verse.

“I have to ask you something very, very special…so remember I told you I was working on a rap song…it’s real, and it’s dope. Very dope,” Deb asks her to practice her verse for the rap.

She plays the song for Sophia and Sophia tells her to turn it down. She asks Sophia if she wants to do it, and Sophia says no.

Sophia then types (perfectly) “I don’t like the rap song” on Deb’s phone.

Grandaughter Sophia’s response to Deb’s new rap song

“Jk?” Deb asks.

“No,” Sophia says.

Again Deb, take the hint.

“I’m disappointed that Sophia and Farrah aren’t joining me to make this family rap,” Deb says.

Hello Debra, if they’re not joining you, it’s not a “family” rap. #JustSaying

Watch the video and see for yourself. It’s a hot mess.

Things we’re left wondering

  • Does anybody out there really want to see any more of Deb than we have to on Teen Mom?
  • How long til Farrah kicks mom out of her life, again?
  • If Sophia’s mouth is that obnoxious at her age, what’s she going to be like at 15? Is this a total case of the parents curse? “I hope you have children just like you!” I’m thinking yes.

The new season of Teen Mom premiers Monday, April 17, on MTV.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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