It’s been a devastating month for Sarah Herron as the former Bachelor contestant mourns the loss of her newborn son, Oliver.
Sarah, who appeared on Season Lowe’s season of The Bachelor and Season 1 of Bachelor in Paradise, informed her followers of the tragic news on February 1.
Sarah’s first child sadly passed in his father’s arms shortly after he was born prematurely, weighing only two pounds.
Keeping her followers updated on how “haunting” postpartum has been for her, Sarah took to Instagram again on Tuesday to mark the one-month anniversary of Oliver’s passing.
The first photo in the carousel showed Sarah giving Oliver a kiss on his head as he was cuddled up in a knit hat and blanket.
Other photos showed Oliver’s tiny handprint, Sarah lounging around the house with her fiance Dylan Brown and their dog, a table full of gifts, and her son’s ashes in a bag on her nightstand.
While Sarah and Dylan seem to be doing their best to cope with the unimaginable loss, she explained how it has still felt like nothing short of a nightmare.
The Bachelor’s Sarah Herron details the first month after losing her son
Along with the photos, Sarah used her caption to let her followers know that the last month has “required a certain type of Wintering that only a grieving mother knows.”
“But somehow, we’re here,” she said.
Sarah continued to explain that while the past month has felt like a “nightmare” for her, it also makes her feel like pregnancy was just a dream. She also said that she feels “gutted” to be slowly returning to normal life after such a life-changing event.
In terms of the changing weather and spring’s arrival, Sarah said she is simply not ready. “The minutes of daylight gained each night is an insulting reminder that life carries on, despite my grief still being held in January. I don’t want the snow to melt or the trees to bud. I want to Winter with Oliver forever,” she wrote.
Sarah said that she and Dylan have managed to find joy again, explaining that they have been able to laugh more and have started cooking and going on walks again. “The okay days are starting to outnumber intolerable days,” she shared.
Sarah finished by explaining that Oliver is “home” on her nightstand in a white gift bag until his urn arrives, which she has been able to see the humor in.
Sarah’s experience with a medium after Oliver’s passing
On Wednesday, Sarah told her Instagram followers that she had visited a psychic medium, who gave her insight into what she can expect when it comes to having children in the future.
Sarah first said that her grandma, grandpas, and even her deceased high school boyfriend all came through during her session, and although baby Oliver didn’t speak, she said the medium saw her ex-boyfriend holding him.
Sarah said it was all “so insanely, creepily spot on,” and the medium told her Oliver would be “coming back” to her in some way.
However, she was told that she would have a baby girl first, and then Oliver would be “coming back as twins” when Sarah is 40 years old.
While it has been a devastating moment in time for Sarah, it seems as if she is getting better and more hopeful with each passing day.
The Bachelor airs on Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.