Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 11, Episode 8, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Leather Pants, with a little help from a glass of Rose (or two) …
Bad news, guys. We’re still talking about Sutton “violating” Crystal. It appears we are going to beat this storyline to death because apparently, not much else is going on over in Beverly Hills these days.
Heck, we’ve even resorted to a whole segment of Henry Hamlin’s dishes of the world. I hear he’s big in Canada.
Bravo is barely cutting the mustard with this season as of late, so to entertain ourselves, we will break down the best part of the episode.
And I hate to admit it, but it centered around who else – Crystal and Sutton, and what shall forever be known as “The Ugly Leather Pants” saga.
So grab a bowl of Henry’s world-renowned bolognaise and may I suggest you pair it with a nice glass of pinot, and let’s recap.
A play-by-play of “The Ugly Leather Pants” saga
So tonight’s scene takes place in fair Verona, where Lisa Rinna decided to have the “ladies” over for a nice little dinner party complete with Harry Hamlin’s famous cooking.
The man is known for his blueberry pies in Beverly Hills, but, in Canada, his bolognaise has all the ladies flocking. It definitely has Single Erika complimenting the domesticated, yet always aloof, husband.
And poor Harry, not only did he get roped into dining with the ladies to talk about none other than Scott Disick, but he also had to lead the ladies in singing Happy Birthday to our birthday girl Garcelle, taking us to our next noteworthy frame.
Sutton starts unravelling when she realizes she didn’t bring a birthday present
The ONE time this lady doesn’t bring a gift to something … seriously??! Sutton is our gift-giving Queen, so why she didn’t have a birthday present for Garcelle is beyond me.
Adding insult to injury, all of the other ladies divvied up into little groups to go in together on gifts. We had Erika and Rinna giving Garcelle a cozy little sweater. We had Crystal, Kyle, and another gifting a ring I don’t even want to know the cost of …
All the while, red-lipped Sutton sat in the corner with no present to show.
And with each beaming smile from Crystal as Garcelle fawned over her gifts, Sutton just became that more unhinged.
She discreetly tells Kyle through manic makeup application, “I don’t like being where I don’t like people.” This leaves Kyle to wonder who she could possibly be talking about as if this whole season hasn’t revolved around the Sutton/Crystal drama, but we’ll wait until the ladies take this party to the mini-bar for a true meltdown.
No apologies here!
Sutton tries her darndest to hold it together like a true polite Southerner with exquisite manners, but she just can’t get it together and as she pours another, she asks Garcelle, why can’t God just give her a bone?
I’m pretty sure Garcelle is asking the same question but she means a different kind of bone.
Garcelle’s birthday wishes for herself aside, Sutton tells Crystal she simply cannot move on like this without some sort of apology. But I’ll be damned. Crystal is sticking to that definition of violation and she won’t bend.
Now it’s clear both of these woman aren’t perfect in this situation. Sutton needs to take hold of some of those emotions and Crystal could recognize that she has blown this whole thing way out of proportion – but at the end of the day, I’m going to say I’m Team Sutton. Maybe it’s just a likability thing or pure entertainment value I don’t know…
So back to the meltdown. Not only does Crystal refuse to apologize, but she takes the high school route of saying to Sutton, “you’re just jealous” leading us to this beautiful cinematic piece in Housewives history:
Next week, Crystal takes it to a new level of mean and tells Sutton she’s “awkward” (and, yes – refuses to apologize). We also have our only other storyline going with Erika crying to Kyle saying “this is the end.” Is it just me, or is this season starting to feel a little stale to you too? Ah, potato po-tah-toh. Speaking of potatos, I wonder what Harry can do with one … ohhhhh Harry??
‘Til next week my Housewives-lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.