Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 14, Shameless Not Ruthless, with a little help from a glass of Champs (or two)….
Hello, my loves! Did we have ourselves an episode last night, or what?
From Kathy’s little one-liners to the title of the Homeless Not Toothless event, last night’s entertaining episode reminded me of why I like this show.
We had PK and Mo sizing up the Wives, another subtle plug for Asher’s music album, and did I mention, THE Melissa Etheridge?!
Now, if you didn’t crack up when this TWO-TIME, Grammy-winner came out of the hole to sing Come to My Window to these clowns, may I suggest you check your pulse?
Pour yourself a vodka soda, don your best black and gold, and let’s recap!
PK and Dorit get ready for their charity event
We begin the episode with a good ol’ teeth cleaning for our beloved Bubba, PK.
Now, before you go judging and asking yourself, “Has Dorit’s storyline seriously come to this?” (as I was doing early on), keep in mind that this shall set the stage for the Kemsleys’ charity event, Homeless Not Toothless.
And, yes, you heard that right.
That is seriously the name of Dorit’s charity event. And you gotta love Kathy Hilton’s reaction to the name:
Now, I could have done without seeing the photo of PK’s “before” teeth, but who cares. Cue the phone montage of all the Housewives RSVP’ing to the event, and let’s go!
But, wait! We first have to get in one quick plug for what I presume is Asher’s new album because why else would Bravo have featured Diana’s young husband’s musical talents two episodes in a row now?
In case you missed it, there was a random clip of Asher playing the piano and singing in Diana’s home. She talks about how wonderful he is, and he comments – and I QUOTE: “You’re the brains behind it all.”
Interesting…. my cynical mind is turning in all sorts of directions here and I have the following epiphany: Asher and Diana is the 180 of Erika and Tom!
The drama that ensues at Dorit’s charity event plus Melissa Etheridge!
So all the Housewives arrive at the event and don their best black and gold duds! For the record, Dorit wore VINTAGE Cavalli, and she did look stunning.
But if you ask Mo who looked the best, it was Kyle, then Dorit. Okay, okay, leaving the wives out of it, Mo picks Rinna (!) (in her “wet” look), and PK picks Erika (!) (in her mini) for the best-dressed Housewife.
Sorry, Garcelle and Sutton – you get no love.
But I’ll give you both love. I mean, you two are the only ones with enough class and dignity at this CHARITY event not to go berzerk at the dinner table.
Okay, now I’ll admit, Rinna got the best of Sutton and caused her to lose her cool. But Rinna totally gaslit Sutton (while cussing at her across the room, mind you) AFTER Kyle completely stirred the pot!
Kyle: “Lisa, did you tell Sutton to ‘get the ef out of my house?” (And cue the argument with that question! Kyle knew what she was doing.)
Sutton tried to refrain from engaging (“I’m not going to have this conversation at the dinner table”), but ol’ Rinna pressed on.
The only thing that can save this disaster is a singer!
Is it Culture Club under that black curtain? Boy George?!
Nope, The Kemlseys have decided to spice things up and have treated us to Melissa Etheridge!
My favorite moment of the night might have been Kathy Hilton:
So we go from fighting to singing (and crying) in an instant, and you can’t help but laugh at the total nonsense of it all.
Melissa makes them all feel good with her one-song performance, and Rinna and Sutton are so up in their feelings, they decide to forgive each other instantly.
Rinna breaks down and says she is acting the way she is because of her mother’s recent death. And I will say she did own up during her cry session and say, “I should not be treating you this way, Sutton.”
Garcelle calls it a breakthrough moment, and if Garcelle declares it as such – I’ll go with it.
Thanks, Melissa! Only you can bring such power to shut these ladies up and create a breakthrough moment in all of this BS.
Next week, Garcelle tells Erika that classic line we saw in the supertease: “I don’t have to make you look bad, Erika. You do that all on your own.”
And with that – I’m out! ‘Til next week, my Housewives-Lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.