Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 11, Episode 15, The Dinner Party from Hell: Part Two, with a little help from a glass of Rose (or two) …
Hi friends – it’s a lovely day in Beverly Hills … Kathy Hilton is polishing her crystal and checking her perfumes … Rinna is finding her best oversized blue suit … and Erika is cussing out Sutton Stracke!
Well, that certainly went left, didn’t it?
Yes, my Housewife lovers … we have entered the Dinner Party from HELL, where poor Patrick the Butler nor I know what to do with ourselves.
Pour yourself a flute of vodka and grab the room-temperature caviar. It’s time to recap.
Kathy Hilton hosts The Dinner Party from Hell
Friends, I feel bad getting pleasure from this episode, given the underlying issue to all of Erika’s legal drama. But as a fan of the show, we live for dinner drama with these Housewives. And this … well, this one might have taken the cake.
Let us count the ways…
First, we have Kathy Hilton. The perfect hostess who has a world-class French staff, led by Patrick – a man born to schmooze.
Meanwhile, Kathy is fluttering around, “floofing” and doing whatever Kathy does. You see, she isn’t above showing up late for her guests and making them wait. Actually, that is precisely what she does. She IS above them all, and all the ladies recognize this.
Dorit – looking like somewhat of a wealthy poser – indulges herself in all the decadence that is Kathy Hilton’s house, musing to herself, “This is where I belong.”
Dorit then tries to come at Garcelle to rehash the past, but our Queen Kathy quickly squashes that, educating her peons that “dinner is meant to be enjoyed.”
And first up for the four-course meal? Vodka and caviar, of course! As if these ladies need fuel to the fire they are about to ignite, but when in Rome .. or Paris .. or wherever the heck Dorit thinks she is.
All that is missing is a little bell for Rinna to ring just for the sake of being obnoxious …
Ah, bloody heck – who gave her the bell?
The “ladies” controlled themselves to enjoy their caviar pie and made it through all four courses with ease and grace!
Ah, who are we kidding? They didn’t get past so much as the first baby fish egg before Rinna decided to have everyone go around the table with the bell and speak whatever is on their mind.
The bell stops here
But the bell stopped (and died) with Sutton.
Sutton – pressured to go first – came with her usual questions for Erika, and this is where things went from Beverly Hills to the streets real fast.
As Erika cried her infamous lonely tear, creating a white streak of makeup down her otherwise tanned face, she looked around the table and delivered what felt like a dying soliloquy.
“Why are you all against me? What are you trying to DO to me? Look at me!”
“Do YOU want my life?” Then, she followed it up with this number:
“I will remember those who stood with me, and I will remember those who stood against me.”
ALL HAIL CEASAR!!
Crystal pipes up real quick to assure Erika she is not one who is against her. Dorit stands looking bewildered in her pig-tails, muttering “but the orphans and widows,” and Sutton Stracke lives to fight the dual against the former Mrs. Girardi another day.
I’m with Patrick. I’m just going to throw my hands in the air and maybe join him for those three remaining courses out back.
Hang in there, friends. It looks like there is a lot more to come.
I am off to buy some white gloves, fish sticks, and cheap champagne. If I can’t be Kathy Hilton, I’m sure as heck gonna try. OHHHHH, PATRICKKKKK!!!!
‘Til next week, my Housewives lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.