Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 16, Altitude Adjustment, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two)….
Hello, my Housewives-lovers! We began our Aspen trip last night, and while we didn’t get to the Kathy drama quite yet, we did have Diana Jenkins calling Sutton the “C U Next Tuesday” word.
I mean, can’t we just enjoy Aspen ladies (plus Mo)?!
No. We can’t, apparently.
These women act like a bunch of middle-schoolers and talk about who is blocking who on Instagram.
And laughing, or instead cackling, when one insults the other.
Pour some extra champagne. And let’s recap.
The ladies head to Aspen
Last night, we learned that Aspen is the place for the elite of the elite.
As Erika explained, Aspen is where you go when you’ve made it.
She also casually reminded us of how she had taken her own plane to Aspen and Nah Nah Nah, look at me.
But be careful, Erika. Don’t flaunt that “wealth” too much.
Because the ladies are discussing the latest headlines, and it turns out, victim money was used to pay for your really expensive earrings.
Crystal and Garcelle chat on the phone and agree Erika should just give the earrings back. (But we are just gearing up for “earring-gate” as all THAT drama will happen next week.)
For now, we have to decide who is staying at Kyle’s “AMAZING” (hear Mauricio’s voice in your head?) guest house and who is staying at the main (but tight) quarters with Kyle, Mo, and Kathy.
It looks like Rinna and Erika are with Kyle and Mauricio!
That means that Dorit is separated from her Fox Force, leaving her to stay with the group she should be thanking her lucky stars for being with, Garcelle, Sutton, and Sheree. (Really, Kathy should be in the cool house too, but ah, well.)
Oh, and if you were wondering where Diana will stay? She’s back at the hotel.
Diana calls Sutton the ‘C’ word
The “ladies” all gather at Kyle’s place for a barbecue, and what’s a barbecue without a side of Ouiji board?
Rinna was the one to bust out the ominous game, but Kyle was the one who stirred all the pots.
Kyle: “Why did Garcelle block Erika on Instagram?”
Also, Kyle earlier: “Why did Sutton block Erika on Instagram?”
Hey Pot-Stirrer, I got your answers. Garcelle blocked Erika because she called Garcelle a liar (at the Disco Inferno party). And Sutton decided to join in “on the fun” because Erika called Sutton a “See You Next Tuesday” at the reunion.
I mean, Sutton – you could have brought up something – ANYTHING – more recent than that, but we’ll go with it.
As if Kyle’s pot-stirring wasn’t enough to ruin a good night in Aspen, enter Diana Jenkins, who comes in with the ol’ gut punch!
After Sutton tells the ladies she blocked Erika because Erika called Sutton the “C” word, Diana mutters, “Because you are one.”
Everyone falls silent in shock, except for Erika, who is cackling so loud, all the while massaging Diana’s shoulders like, “yeah, girl!”
Garcelle is all, “what did she just say?”
When Garcelle realizes what Diana actually just said, she says, “Diana, that’s not cool.”
Sutton is left in tears. Diana peaces out (with Erika at her heels). And Garcelle (and Kyle) are left to comfort Sutton.
Now I gotta say – Rinna stayed awfully quiet last night (a nice change of pace after all of her mean outbursts), and I’ll give her props for that. But that’s as far as I go.
Also, Dorit was borderline trying to do right by Sutton (as was Kyle slightly), but they just can’t allow themselves to go there.
What’s more, in the clip for next week, we see Erika yell out, “I only care about me!”
Kyle frantically responds, “Don’t say that, Erika! Because you are my friend, and I can’t defend that!!”
I’m sorry – but where is that energy for Sutton, who has been bullied this entire season?!?
Oh, my Housewives-lovers. I just cannot understand.
I am with Kathy.
Kathy’s energy in Aspen is all of us right now. Pic credit: Bravo
‘Til next week, my Housewives-lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.