Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 19, We Need to Talk about Kathy, with a little help from a glass of Pinot (or two)….
“I’ve seen the devil, and her name is Kathy Hilton.”
This is the narrative that Lisa Rinna will make sure everyone knows about.
But before she really calls everyone’s attention to Kathy’s “dark behavior,” Rinna has to first get through the trauma that has resulted from bearing witness to it.
Now, of course, only Lisa Rinna is the eyewitness to this “devilish” behavior.
And while I do believe Kathy might have displayed some less than becoming behavior in Aspen, overall, I say, “SPARE ME, RINNA!”
Pour yourself anything but tequila, my friends, don your best vintage 20s piece, and let’s recap.
Kathy Hilton’s alleged breakdown in Aspen
We pick up with the text messages Lisa Rinna sent to Erika Jayne, divulging Kathy Hilton’s behavior.
Apparently, Rinna took Kathy in the sprinter van back to the house.
Once at the house, Kathy allegedly became so scary and angry that Rinna even locked herself in a room.
Never mind all the meltdowns we’ve seen Rinna have this season and even seasons past. Rinna is going to ride this moment for all it’s worth.
And because Rinna is going to ride the pants off this, let’s get our — I mean, RINNA’S — story straight.
So apparently, Kathy wanted to leave the bar in Aspen because nobody wanted to do the Conga line with her.
Therefore, Rinna, being the saint she is, offers to take Kathy home.
Once home, Kathy allegedly said she would take down Bravo and all the other Housewives with it.
And the cameras just happened to be off, so only Rinna was the one who witnessed this appalling behavior that has now apparently given her PTSD.
So, in conclusion, if “everyone” is going to call out Rinna and Erika’s behavior, then they better call out Kathy’s too.
First of all, what is wrong with a little conga line?
And second, can we just point out that Rinna’s accusations lost all credibility because she is the only source?
But let’s get to Crystal’s 39th birthday party, shall we? And, yes, I said 39.
Lisa Rinna leaves Crystal Kung Minkoff’s birthday party
So Crystal’s six-figure basement is finally done, and now the ladies are all going to celebrate Crystal’s last year of her 30s.
Garcelle looks like a million bucks, and you can tell she knows it.
And, yeah, Garcelle maybe could have given Erika a heads-up that she talked about Erika and earring-gate on The Real, but this really isn’t that big of a deal.
What’s more pressing is Rinna feeling extremely uncomfortable that Kathy has shown up “dressed to the nines” and pretending nothing ever happened.
But here’s the funny thing, while Rinna is so bothered, Kathy is completely unbothered.
As Kathy enjoys her cookies, Rinna takes Crystal aside and tells her she has to leave because Kathy’s behavior was “that bad,” and it’s just bubbling inside her.
I think Rinna left because she knew she wouldn’t get the rise she desired.
But you best believe she will keep pressing on about it next week!
Try, try, try as she might – I just don’t think her Kathy Takedown will be successful.
In fact, Kathy is over on her Instagram Stories, posting about all of Rinna’s meltdowns and retweeting about conga lines.
Ba-ha-ha! Try another day, Rinna.
In the meantime, I’m going to buy myself some red lipstick from Target and overline my upper lips since that is what everyone is doing these days.
Oh, Kathy.
Til next week, my Housewives-Lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.