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MAFS Season 12: Ryan’s pre-wedding letter to Clara — Why it’s a good reminder for us all

Clara and Ryan smile together in  post-wedding picture
Clara and Ryan’s chemistry was obvious from the start Pic credit: Lifetime

Married at First Sight’s Clara and Ryan Oubre had an obvious connection from first sight, but what won many fans(and Clara) over even before the couple met, was the pre-wedding letter, that Ryan gave to his bride to be.

Ryan’s letter highlights all the aspects of a good relationship

On their Wedding Day, many of the MAFS couples chose to send pre-wedding gifts to their soon-to-be spouses.

Jacob Harder sent his soon-to-be wife Haley Harris the infamous infinity pendant bracelet that featured in many of their arguments, Chris Williams sent his bride Paige Banks an infinity pendant as well, a symbol of forever. Which turned out to be ironic since those that received the infinity symbols were the only two couples that didn’t make it through Decision Day. Something to think about…

Ryan, however, decided to keep it a little more old school, and instead wrote his bride-to-be, a handwritten letter. The letter promised his new bride, Clara, that Ryan would be there to learn what “makes you happy, sad, scared and laugh so hard you cry.”

What I love about that letter is that it includes the things in life (and love) that we tend to overlook. Ryan includes sad and scared in his list of things he wants to learn about his new wife.

So often, when we are getting to know a new person in a relationship, we love hearing all about the good things in their life: their hobbies, their interests, things they love. But we rarely take the time to get to know some of the less pleasant things about a person, like what makes someone sad, or what makes them afraid.

A good relationship is taking into consideration all the parts of a person — the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Ryan practices what he preaches

Ryan certainly seemed to embody the promises made to Clara in the letter, and the couple appeared throughout the show to be respectful of each other’s best qualities, as well as the ones that might need a little work.

An example of this includes the infamous Ryan quote that came from the couple’s honeymoon, following a very eventful ATV expedition, that had ended in an uproar with Chris Williams exploding at both Clara and Virginia for interfering in his and Paige’s marriage.

Ryan told Clara, “you have to control the things that come out of your mouth.” While many fans felt that might have been a little harsh on Ryan’s part, feedback had been one of the things Clara had requested.

During her vows, Clara had stated something she wanted most from her husband in her was someone to call her out on her “BS” Ryan definitely delivered on that.

Sometimes being a good partner is letting your significant other know when they’ve gone too far with something or overstepped. Was there maybe a nicer way he could have phrased that? Sure. But overall the message appeared to come from a place of love and concern for his wife’s overall well-being.

Why Ryan Oubre’s pre-wedding letter to his wife, reminds us all what good relationships are made of

Ryan’s pre-wedding letter reminds us that relationships are not always going to be sunshine and roses. People are people, which means they are going to have flaws.

So many of the issues that tend to arise on the show seem to pop up from the sense that some of the individuals on it have, that marrying someone right away will fix some of the issues of a relationship.

While it might add a touch of romance, and a legal agreement might cause someone to try a little harder in a relationship, ultimately all the components of the relationship, and the person as an individual, still remain. Meaning, that person will still have flaws, wounds, and issues they need to work on.

Marrying at first sight does not eliminate those problems. Ryan’s letter to Clara seemed to demonstrate that he understood that about the process, and was willing to be there for all the aspects of her personality, good and bad. This is probably at least partially why he and Clara were one of the more successful couples of the season, let alone the show itself.

We loved it Ryan, keep up the good work.

Married at First Sight returns on Wednesday, July 21 at 8/7c on Lifetime.