This week, Below Deck Mediterranean opens with Hannah hooking up with primary charter guest Jason in the master suite.
He’s also one of the “most eligible bachelors” in Dallas, so maybe he’s totally worth risking her job.
Hannah sneaks back into her room in the wee hours, and first thing the next morning, Bugsy rats her out to Captain Sandy for coming in so late.
I started out this season on #TeamBugsy, but the last few episodes have turned me a bit sour on her.
As a boss, I know what it’s like to feel undermined. And she’s been pushing some limits with Hannah. But to do the things that she did on tonight’s episode… Ugh.
This was the ugliest, most deceitful episode of Below Deck Mediterranean ever.
Bugsy has to serve breakfast by herself, and she’s bitter.
It doesn’t help when the guests start asking for Hannah.
“I appreciate his attempt at discretion, because I don’t want to lose my job,” Hannah says.
“Did you sleep well?” Hannah asks.
“I did. Both hours,” Jason replies, within earshot of others.
Jason asks for a pen to exchange numbers with Hannah.
“As much as I love having him on the boat, he’s a bit of a distraction,” Hannah says. #UnderstatementOfTheYear
They line up to say goodbye to the guests, and Jason makes his way down the line of crew to Hannah.
“Thanks. It was an amazing trip. For many reasons,” Jason tells Hannah, full of innuendo.
Unfortunately, Hannah’s standing next to Captain Sandy. Ouch!
Captain Sandy starts the tip meeting by pointing out the crew needs to resist the urge to party with the guests.
“Sometimes it’s not what you do, it’s what you get away with,” Hannah says in interview, having no idea that Bugsy had ratted out her late return to the captain. #Foreshadowing
And that’s not the end of the snitching for Bugsy, but we’ll come back to that. She was a real piece of work.
The crew gets a big tip, and then the captain treats them to a tour of a fortress nearby.
Max’s girlfriend arrives, and on the tour, he fills her in on the “love triangle” on the boat.
We all now know that that Adam and Malia were involved before the show started filming, so watching this fake relationship stuff is really annoying.
We see them both get busted in interview.
Adam admits they lied to everyone. But at least he seems embarrassed about it.
Malia’s proud as hell of herself.
“Adam and I met at our yacht certification courses three weeks before boarding the yacht,” Malia says.
“But then I got on the boat and I met Wes, and I fell for Wes, and Adam doesn’t like that,” Malia says.
Oh gee, I wonder why. She can’t be as dumb as she acts.
Why is Adam upset? Maybe because Malia has been sucking face with Wes, too.
But back to the show… where nobody else on the yacht knows that Adam and Malia were already boinking.
When they go out to dinner as a crew, Wes snags Malia for a private conversation, and tells her he’d like to pursue something with her, if she’s not that into Adam.
She tells him she’s got a date with Adam, but she doesn’t shoot him down completely enough.
Malia is keeping her options open. #Shadypants
Poor Wes. Now I don’t think Malia’s just a dumb tramp anymore. I think she’s a total b***h.
Wes seems like a really nice guy, and she’s used him for her own nefarious purposes.
Adam gets salty when she gets back to the table. Malia’s tells him there’s nothing to worry about.
Lauren and Bugsy dip out of the conversation because it’s terribly awkward.
Malia calls him an a**hole. I agree. But I dislike her even more.
“He’s known you for like five days. That’s how you console him? By leading him on?” Adam asks. #Boom!
I agree completely. Malia is a d**ktease.
“I had big plans for you,” Adam says. Okay, now that’s creepy.
You’ve known each other for like a month.
“We went from having this potential great thing to all lies. All lies,” Adam says.
Yes, Adam. You’re both big liars.
He flirted with Hannah. She hooked up with Wes. Sounds like Malia and Adam deserve each other.
“You need to stop thinking so much into it. It’s all fine now,” Malia says.
Adam’s not sure he can trust her.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew is telling Wes to ditch Malia.
Sadly, he think she’s genuine.
Adam tries to play buddy-buddy with Wes, but his timing is bad. #Awkward
When they get back to the boat, Hannah goes to bed early… to text with guest Jason.
Malia asks Adam to come above deck with her for a conversation. And she dumps him. Like 20 minutes after she told him everything was just fine.
“It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you,” Malia explains.
“You made it pretty clear,” Adam says. “Good chat. I wish you the best.”
“The smartest and easiest thing for me to do would be to walk away,” Adam says.
But he won’t. His ego won’t let him.
Malia goes down and finds Wes to let him know she’s available now.
“Well, just so you know, I’m not going on a date with Adam,” Malia says. #Shameless
Adam tells Wes that they decided to keep their relationship professional. Bahaha!
The next day, Max makes plans to go out to dinner with Bobby, Bugsy and his girlfriend. I think he’s maxed on the drama, even though he’s been stirring the pot a bit, too.
Adam, Hannah and Wes meet with the captain to review guest preferences for the next charter.
The primary owns a tequila business, and wants a tequila pairing dinner.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew is prepping the boat. And Bugsy find the crew’s iPad in the master bedroom.
Turns out that after primary guest Jason drowned his phone in the hot tub his last night, he borrowed the staff iPad, but never logged out.
All of Hannah and Jason’s messages to each other since he departed are there to read, and there are more popping up every minute of the day as they continue to chat and get to know each other.
Including Hannah’s opinions of some of her co-workers and how they reacted to the tip he left them.
Bugsy had a lot of choices about how to handle this situation.
A. She could have gone to Hannah and showed her, and scored a million points with her boss by keeping her mouth shut.
B. She could have gone to Hannah and told Captain Sandy what she found.
C. She could have showed everybody on the crew and read the continuing message thread all day with the group, before gathering them together with pitchforks and torches to go after Hannah, thereby humiliating her boss and forcing her to turn herself in to the captain.
Any guesses which option Bugsy chose?
“This is a huge violation of yachty code,” Bugsy says.
What about #GirlCode? Hannah thought Bugsy was her friend.
At least, she’s been telling Hannah she’s got her back. Those of us watching know that’s bunk.
If Bugsy hadn’t already been all over Hannah, I’d cut her slack. But this is was malicious.
Instead of standing on professional principles and going to Hannah and the captain, Bugsy chooses option C and goes all out trying to humiliate the Chief Stew, whose job she wants so badly.
She saw her shot, and she took it. She wants Hannah gone.
And the crew reacted to the news EXACTLY as Bugsy anticipated.
“It’s so f**ked up that she did this. I have no words,” Bobby says.
Meanwhile, Hannah is telling Lauren that Jason looked her up on social media. #LiarLiarPantsOnFire
“I want the crew to know that Hannah’s talking s**t about us to the charter guests,” Bobby says.
Bobby and Bugsy tell Max about Hannah’s liaison over drinks on shore, and pulls up the messages to show them. In the restaurant. Seriously?
Meanwhile, Hannah’s back in her bunk adding more messages to the thread they can all see.
It’s painful to watch.
Bobby and Max see Jason in town, and try to catch Hannah out with him. Jason had sent Hannah a message saying he was at a bar.
They see Hannah walking around, and catch up with her to bust her. But she disappoints them.
This is seriously Middle School stuff from some seriously bored people.
When they get back to the boat, Bugsy decides she needs to tell Hannah that they know, now that she’s told everybody else on the crew.
And what’s the best way to do that? They gang up on her.
Bugsy, Max and Bobby tell Hannah what they’ve been reading, with these snotty expressions on their faces.
Hannah is aghast at the violation of privacy. It’s one thing to get busted, but for them to continue the ruse all day long her expense is devastating.
“Eight, nine hours of you reading my messages?” Hannah feels like they totally invaded her privacy.
Malia and Bugsy try to recruit Lauren to the I-Hate-Hannah team, but she’s not going there.
“Those were personal messages that were not meant for anybody else’s else… I would die,” Lauren says.
“I don’t know how I’m going to work with her, let alone trust her again,” Hannah says.
Why would Hannah EVER trust Bugsy again?
So she turns herself into Captain Sandy the next morning, before Bugsy gets an opportunity to rat her out and makes the situation worse. Because you know she will.
Hannah sticks to her story about Jason tracking her down on social media, but confesses to sharing one kiss with the charter guest.
“Wait a minute, it is not cool to respond if a charter guests hits on you,” the captain says.
“You have to use your common sense. Going forward, you are not on lates. Bugs is on lates,” Captain Sandy declares. As if that’s going to solve the giant explosion brewing below deck.
Hannah sits Bugsy down for a little chat.
“In terms of yesterday, I would kind of expect you as my second, and what I thought was my friend, to tell me…” Hannah tells her that she finds her behavior disgusting.
“This is a completely fireable offense,” Bugsy says in interview. Little Miss Self Righteous.
“I do apologize, that’s why I came and spoke to you about it,” Bugsy says. But her body language says something completely different.
“Yeah, but you didn’t come to me and speak to me about it. You got Max and Bobby to come with you,” Hannah busts her.
And Hannah doesn’t know the half of how malicious Bugsy was.
Bugsy suggests they change roommates so they don’t have to live together anymore, and that’s fine with Hannah.
Lauren is thrilled.
“I don’t have to room with Ronda Rousey anymore,” Lauren says, comparing to Malia to the professional fighter with a reputation for being grating and childish.
Lauren tells Hannah she has her back.
And they make fun of Malia for being judgy since she’s basically the boat slut.
“I just want to get off this boat and go to Dallas,” Hannah tells Lauren.
And she hints that she’s going to start making Bugsy’s life a little more difficult.
The new guests arrive, and Hannah has to fake a smile through their tour.
Adam greets them on deck, and chats about the menu with the guests, while looking all scrungy from the galley.
“I’ve never seen a chef go in front of guests in what they cook in. It’s not professional,” Hannah says.
Hannah asks Adam not to wear his apron and baseball cap when he greets guests.
“I’ve been doing this too long to be taking orders from you,” Adam says, feeling emboldened now that Hannah’s in the hot seat with the captain.
“Get over it. You prance around like your perfect, and you’re not,” Adam says.
“Yeah, you intentionally f**ked up. That’s so much better,” Hannah says.
And it goes downhill from there and Adam gets really nasty.
“I’m not here to keep the crew happy, I’m here to keep the guests happy,” Hannah says.
“You’ve made that very clear,” Adam snarks.
He better watch out. I foresee Karma appearing to bite him in the butt.
Next week, iPad-Gate gets worse. Adam and Malia keep fighting. And Malia hooks up with Wes, again.
Highlight of the night
Charter guest Jason was in the audience of Watch What Happens Live tonight and he busted Hannah wide open. As if she needed more s**t tonight.
I just would object to me being the one going in for the kiss. I don’t think that’s exactly what happened. But I don’t kiss and tell,” Jason tells Andy Cohen. #Ouch
Things we’re left wondering
How did production not know that Adam and Malia were already a couple?
What kind of horrible thing has been done to Bugsy in her past that she would do Hannah so totally dirty over the iPad and Jason?
Why is Wes still interested in Malia? Does he really want Adam’s sloppy seconds? Doesn’t he realize he’s not her first choice, and she’s using him to aggravate Adam?
Below Deck Mediterranean airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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