This week, Below Deck Mediterranean kicks off with Captain Sandy forcing Wes to choose a lead deckhand.
Wes promotes his paramour Malia. You know, the deckhand with the least experience who he’s been smooching on the bridge during night watch. Nice.
Wes tells Malia she’s been promoted, and she’s “gotta keep the boys in line.”
Because that’s going to go over well with deckhands Bobby and Max. Not.
Malia’s concerned they’ll think she “earned it by kissing the boss.” Because she did.
Captain Sandy really chose the wrong week to do this promotion thing. Sigh.
This charter includes a guest who is a yacht broker, and who can make or break anybody’s career if she feels like it. So everybody has upped their game.
“Part of being a Chief Stew is that you need to put your personal differences aside,” Hannah says. She’s working with Chef Adam because it’s what required of her.
The weather is rough the first night of the charter, and the yacht is dragging anchor. The deck crew goes into action.
“The anchors are way too small on this boat to hold us in place,” Captain Sandy says they have to roll out and head back to the dock.
She tells Hannah to explain it to the guests, who are already b***hing that they’re about to starve to death.
Side Note: One of the charter guests is Bravolebrity Samantha DeBianchi from Million Dollar Listing, and she was a total b***h.
Hannah takes one for the team, and explains the game plan to the guests.
“It’s the safest option in this wind,” Hanna explains.
The yacht broker guest, Shannon, tells her they’ll expect to have it made up to them the next day, but “safety first!”
Chef Adam and the stews team up to distract the guests with food and alcohol.
Captain Sandy asks the yacht broker for her opinion after dinner, but that may not have been the best idea in the middle of a charter that was experiencing a hiccup.
All is not well.
The master stateroom had towels from the previous guests. Oops!
“A lot of things that other people might not see,” Shannon says.
And with that, Captain Sandy is in the stewardesses’ business for the rest of the trip.
“When Sandy gets stressed, she tends to micromanage,” Hannah says.
True to form, the next morning, the captain is up everybody’s butts.
And the weather is too windy for them to go anywhere, so they’re stuck at the dock with their high maintenance guests.
This time, the captain delivers the bad news to her guests directly.
“Sandy is not driving out there today. Gale force winds,” Sandy explains.
“So are we not able to go to that beach?” Bravolebrity Samantha asks.
Real bright, this one is not.
“Let’s bring out the creativity – pressure’s on!” yacht broker Shannon says as the captain leaves.
The guests are REALLY disappointed.
Bugsy says she’d rather be stuck on land at a hotel than on a boat.
Hannah tells them they’re going on a tour and then having massages.
The guests are gracious, but they do not look excited. They look super bummed out.
“Sam’s flying out tonight. She just booked her flight back to the states,” one guest tells Hannah.
Apparently, being on the already paid for yacht at the dock is not acceptable to THIS Bravolebrity. She makes the Housewives look like nice people.
“Unless I can make a rainbow unicorn appear… this could affect our tip,” Hannah worries, and she runs to tell the captain.
“I have never had a charter guest leave early,” Captain Sandy says, and then boogies down to the deck to talk to the guests.
“I just feel that we were promised something that they didn’t deliver and it’s just very unprofessional,” Samantha complains.
Captain Sandy can’t control the friggin weather.
“It’s not safe. That’s why I’m the captain,” Captain Sandy explains she can’t risk the safety of the passengers or the boat.
Meanwhile, poor Adam is mooning over lost love in the galley. He thinks he still has a chance with Malia. Bahaha!
He’s hoping she’ll be done flirting with Wes. But he doesn’t know that Wes just promoted her.
About this time, Wes tells the deck crew that he’s promoting Malia. It goes over like a lead balloon.
“When I’m not around, she’ll be the one you look to,” We explains.
I was so impressed by the way Bobby handled it. He was so calm and professional.
WTF was Malia thinking seeking Bobby’s opinion immediately following the big announcement? Is she that oblivious, or was she rubbing it in a little bit?
“I’m not here to rain on Malia’s parade. She kicks a** on deck,” Bobby says. But he thought he was already the lead deckhand, so he’s really confused.
Malia tells Bugsy about the promotion, AND about making out with Wes on the bridge.
Lauren overhears the whole conversation while she’s doing laundry.
And Lauren does not approve, so she runs straight to Hannah to open Pandora’s Box.
“They were talking about Malia and Wes making out in the wheelhouse during anchor watch,” Lauren says, breathless with excitement.
“And I’m unprofessional for texting a charter guest?” Hannah laughs.
How long til Hannah tattles to Captain Sandy? In 3, 2, 1… (Actually, she doesn’t – this week – and I’m disappointed).
Lauren runs to Bobby to tattle next.
“Did you know Malia and Wes hook up during her anchor watch? I overheard her telling Bugs… like making out on her anchor watch. I heard it with my own ears!” Lauren practically squeals as she tells him the juicy details.
“Now Max and I gotta work for the boyfriend and girlfriend?” Bobby’s not happy but he’s still handling it a lot better than I would have.
Bobby shares the news with Max when they’re alone in their cabin.
Then Bobby goes and gets Wes and confronts him about what he’s learned.
Wes says it’s all separate.
“That’s so hard to believe,” Bobby says, calmly, and explains why he’s frustrated.
“That is THE most unprofessional thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Bobby says.
“That’s black and white. Favoritism is being played here, and there’s nothing I can do about it,” Bobby says.
I’m willing to be somebody will tell Captain Sandy if Bobby sits tight.
Nobody’s telling Chef Adam about the Wes/Malia thing because they’re worried he’ll flip in the middle of an important charter, just when he’s finally getting his act together.
Adam presents each course, actually wearing a clean chef’s jacket, performing like he should have been all season.
Service is much better when there’s a yacht broker on board, Hannah observes.
By morning, Bobby’s fuming about the whole situation.
Bobby tells Malia that he’s not angry at her, he’s mad at Wes.
“My work ethic was never seen because he’s so far up your ass,” Bobby says.
Malia plays the female card, saying that she’s only being judged because she’s a cute girl.
“This literally has nothing to do with your looks. You’re making out with your boss,” Max says.
“Now you understand why I don’t want to kiss the boss?” Malia asks Wes, as soon as they have a minute alone together.
Notice she didn’t turn down the promotion.
You knew it was going to happen – Lauren tattles to Adam about Wes and Malia over breakfast dishes.
“It’s about what’s been going on for the past couple weeks, apparently,” Lauren says.
“I just don’t want to be making s**t up because I don’t really know,” Lauren says, giving herself an out on the details.
Wow, she sure opened up a can of worms for something she doesn’t know much about.
The crew receives one of the worst tips of the season, but it’s not unexpected.
Then Captain Sandy gives the crew the day off to explore the city after they relocate the boat.
With the drama that’s exploded overnight, I’m not sure free time is a good idea for this group.
As soon as they’re finished, Adam stalks Wes and Malia up to the bridge where Wes is teaching her something.
“So what’s the story between you two?” Adam asks.
“Just crewmates,” Wes lies to his roommate’s face.
“I’m just curious cuz you know, we’ve all made out at this point,” Adam says. Oooo snarky!
“So Malia, why would you lead me on?” Adam asks.
“She played me like a f**king flute,” Adam rants in interview.
“How do you sleep at night?” Adam asks. “You make me sick to my stomach.”
Adam says there’s a whole backstory that Wes isn’t going to like when he finds out the details.
So Adam stalks off, and shares the details of his greatest-ever love lost with Bugsy. All about how they met before they came on the boat, and hid it from the rest of the crew.
“We tried to keep it hush hush,” Adam says.
Bugsy appears shocked.
This is entirely too much drama for one crew in one day – the yacht is going to explode.
Adam shows texts of Malia making future plans for a romantic interlude with him on the same night she was sucking face with Wes on the bridge. #Classy
Because there’s not enough gossip and drama happening yet, Adam tells Wes about the text messages overlapping with his encounter with Malia.
The new lead deckhand is a very busy little tramp!
Adam, Max and Bobby go drinking. Way too much bitter for one table at a bar.
“I just found out. It was pretty hard to swallow,” Adam says.
“The guy sleeps three feet above me,” Adam would like to hit Wes at this point.
Yeah, these three should definitely keep drinking Irish Car Bombs. Not.
Wes hooks up with the guys, and is annoyed by how sloppy drunk Adam is.
Next thing you know, Wes is shoving Adam, and they’re about to start fighting in the middle of the plaza.
I think it was about a picture or video that Adam was taking, but we don’t know because they cut it off there, and are making us wait until next week to find out what the hoopla was about. Grrr.
Things we’re left wondering
How oblivious is Captain Sandy? And how long til she figures out about Wes’s relationship with Malia?
What was with that horrible Croatian chorale group? They sounded good – for a church service. Nothing available in the whole city that would be entertaining and fun to listen to? Nobody was going to dance to that. And these guests were already bored.
What does it say about Chef Adam that he CAN do amazing things in the kitchen when he absolutely, positively has to? But the rest of the time, he’s a total slacker. Hmmm.
Below Deck Mediterranean airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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