Below Deck: 17 of the most memorable one-liners from Captain Lee

Captain Lee
Captain Lee Rosbach has given Below Deck viewers some incredible one-liners throughout his 8 seasons as captain on the flagship show. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Below Deck OG Captain, Lee Rosbach, referred to as Captain Lee gives viewers a level of gruff charisma that is unmatched by any reality television star, and fans love him for that.

Captain Lee’s character is swimming with entertainment value between his quick wit and uncanny ability to never sugar coat things all while taking care of business.

Captain Lee’s reputation as a dependable superyacht captain is well known in the yachting industry as he has more than two decades of experience.

Known to have both compassion and an iron fist, Captain Lee makes sure that all his crew respect the boat and themselves on and off charter during the yachting season.

Born in landlocked Michigan in 1949, Captain Lee got his captain’s license when he was 35 and left his career in the restaurant business to pursue yachting. Captain Lee has been married to his wife Mary Ann for over 45 years and she is entirely supportive of his career at sea.

Over the course of the 8 Seasons, renewed for a 9th on October 25, 2021, Captain Lee has dropped some fantastic one-liners that are not only memorable in a maritime sense but in any sense.

This list of 17 Captain Lee quotes captures his most unforgettable phrases and punch lines aimed to keep the crew in line and comment on the ridiculousness of some of the situations in the yachting world.

1. “I would rather drag my d**k through ten miles of broken whiskey bottles than to have those a******s on my boat again”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee doesn’t hold his opinions back about the guests. Pic credit: Bravo TV

If you search quotes by Captain Lee on the internet, undoubtedly this expression will be one of the first to pop up. The creativeness of the phrase and mental picture it paints solidifies it as a top quote from “The Stud of the Sea.”

This magnificent expression came about when some awful charter guests got off the boat and Captain Lee could speak his mind.

2. “I’m madder than a pissed-on chicken”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee lets it be known when he’s unhappy with anything, especially the crew. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Nothing makes Captain Lee angrier faster than when his deck crew is being incompetent. To that end, when a docking gets messed up that could cost the boat a lot of money and put Captain Lee’s reputation at stake, he gets fired up and that’s where this expression was born.

3. “The pucker effect is so strong that you couldn’t drive a straight pin up my ass with a 10 pound sledgehammer”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee uses very expressive language when he gets mad. Pic credit: Bravo TV

This is the kind of phrase that makes viewers rewind their TVs to see if they heard him right.

It’s hard to say if this calculated statement originated somewhere or if it is something that Captain Lee developed himself, either way, it is quote gold and a highly memorable thing he said while angry.

4. “A deckhand with only one good arm is about as useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest”

Captain Lee
Cpatain Lee gets annoyed when crew members become useless. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee is always sensitive to his crew members getting hurt and follows proper procedure when accidents or injuries do happen, but that doesn’t mean he won’t make fun of them.

If a crew member is unable to perform their job duties while on the ship due to injuries, Captain Lee has the responsibility to send them packing. This expression dictates his exact school of thought on having to let someone go under those circumstances.

5. “I’ve never seen such a collective group of f*****g idiots in my life”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee has a low tolerance for sass and slackers. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee loves to throw around the word idiot, but viewers got a special treat when he pieced together this verbal assault.

When more than one person is messing up on the crew to the point where it becomes detrimental to the strength of the boat Captain Lee’s pissed-off side comes out and he delivers sweeping statements like this one.

6. “I’m gonna eat someone’s ass for dinner”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee’s tone and tenacity when he says things make his quotes memorable. Pic credit: Bravo TV

This off-the-cuff statement from Captain Lee came when his entire crew on Season 8 pissed him off and he was storming off to deal with the problem.

Captain Lee dropped the comment innocently and most likely did not understand the modern connotation of the expression which makes what he said all that much more hilarious.

7. “Her mouth wrote a check her ass couldn’t cash”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee is very critical of his crew and their performance. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee is very critical of sass, overindulgence, and poor work ethic, all of which had come together when he delivered this brilliant one-liner.

When crew members talk a big game but end up being too big for their britches Captain Lee loves to rub salt in the wound with his assessment of the situation.

8. “Not one swinging d**k on board”

Captain Lee
Stupidity and avoidable mistakes really get Captain Lee going. Pic credit: Bravo TV

This wonderful line was born when Captain Lee stumbled upon an overflowing jacuzzi on the yacht while no one was around.

Captain Lee does not like it when stupid mistakes are made or when his crew members are conveniently hard to find to fix their mistakes.

While Captain Lee has no problem taking matters into his own hands and doing the work himself, he will make it known when his crew is absent to witness the fallout from their mistakes.

9. “Screwed the pooch”

Captain Lee
Some of Captain Lee’s favorite expressions he uses a lot. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee throws this phrase out a lot and uses it as his go-to statement for when the crew has messed something up.

One of the more famous uses of the word from Captain Lee came when he was at his wits’ end. He said, “We’ve screwed the pooch so many times we should have a litter of puppies running around.”

10. “Dump truck mouth overloading your wheelbarrow behind”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee’s most original lines come when he’s angry with someone. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Similar to, “Her mouth wrote a check her ass couldn’t cash”, this quote takes it to another level.

When the crew can’t perform to the level they should or the level they said they could perform at, that is when they should be worried about Captain Lee’s words for them.

11.”If your tit’s in the wringer it’s because you put it there”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee holds all his crew members accountable for their actions. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee is a big promoter of taking responsibility. While he is usually willing to give his crew second and sometimes third chances, he will still hold them accountable for their faults.

This expression is the captain’s way of placing the blame where it belongs and hoping the person takes responsibility.

12. “They better give their souls to Jesus cause their asses belong to me”

Captain Lee
One of Captain Lee’s biggest pet peeves is when the crew disrespects the boat or themselves. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee runs a tight ship during the charter season and wants his crew to uphold the values of the boat on and off the charter. When that doesn’t happen, Captain Lee takes matters into his own hands.

This original and head-scratching expression depicts the captain’s feelings when someone messes up or embarrasses the boat.

Often times when the crew goes off the dock wild and outrageous things happen. Captain Lee doesn’t care about the types of things as long as it doesn’t affect the working of the boat. If it does, then the crew has to be worried about what the captain will say or do.

13. “Jesus. They could f**k up a two car funeral.”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee’s original one-liners really hit the nail on the head for the situation. Pic credit: Bravo TV

Captain Lee dropped this quote when he was referencing his team’s poor performance. He loves to come up with creative ways to let people know that they have messed up.

It’s hard to say whether this expression originated somewhere else, but Captain Lee has no doubt brought it into the mainstream.

14. “Suck it up creampuff”

Captain Lee
Some of Captain Lee’s favorite sayings he says for a few different circumstances. Pic credit: Bravo TV

This declaration of Captain Lee has several variations such as, “Suck it up, buttercup” and “Suck it up, cupcake.”

He uses the expression a lot when the crew starts to complain about the job that they signed up for. He has a very short fuse for complaints and when the crew plays the blame game and that is often when he uses these phrases.

15. “I’d rather have someone pull me through a knothole by my d**k than have Mr. Lit Dickery on board again”

Captain Lee’s fantastic one-liners cannot even be replicated in any other situations sometimes. Pic credit: Bravo TV

While Captain Lee keeps it extremely professional in front of the guests and makes sure that they are the top priority, he still has things to say behind their backs when they are being outlandish or awful.

This assertion came out when the captain was really rubbed the wrong way by a group of ridiculous guests who he never wants to host again.

16. “It really wrinkles my ass”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee’s memorable quotes are intrinsic to his personality. Pic credit: Bravo TV

When Captain Lee is disgruntled he comes up with the most original sayings and this one takes the cake for painting an unpleasant picture.

Captain Lee has a wide array of terminology he uses when he is upset because he is upset regularly and this idiom puts his mood into verbal form.

17. “We’ve gone through more deckhands than a condom salesman in a w***e house”

Captain Lee
Captain Lee is never afraid to speak his mind. Pic credit: Bravo TV

This phrase speaks for itself. It becomes extremely problematic when the deck team unravels more than once and replacements have to be sent in, as was the case on the season he said this gem in.

Below Deck Season 9 premieres on Monday, October 25 at 9/8c on Bravo.

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