Amber and Matt are going to Vegas for her friend Annette’s wedding.
She spends the car ride to the bridal shop dumping her relationship problems on her friend.
Guess that’s better than last week when she hijacked Annette’s dress fitting to try on wedding gowns.
Matt and Amber arrive in Vegas, and scope out the tacky-ass wedding chapel options with her friends.
Suddenly, Matt proposes to Amber, and tells the venue coordinator “we’ll take two.”
Way to steal your girl Annette’s thunder, Amber.
“I need to call my mom. My brother. Oh my God. I need a minute,” Amber says.
Remember that dress Amber tried on last week? She wasn’t thinking of a drive-through Vegas wedding.
But a few minutes later, everything goes to s**t when Amber’s brother tells her not to get married in Vegas.
Matt pops his cork and tells producers he’ll never marry her now. Yikes!
They go out for dinner with the real wedding couple,
“I forgive you for humiliating me on TV, by the way,” Matt says, at the table.
“I just don’t see the rush,” Amber says.
“We must be married. I already don’t like you,” Matt says.
Then they show him begging producers to bury the footage of her turning him down.
“I am done with her psycho a**,” Matt says.
It’s like Amber has no clue how much trouble she’s in with Matt. She’s totally oblivious.
Back at home, Leah tells Gary about Matt wanting to get married in Vegas, and says she didn’t give him permission because she wants to be a flower girl.
Annette’s wedding the next day is sweet.
“I need to talk to you for a second,” Matt says, immediately after the ceremony.
“I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that yesterday,” Matt says. “We can’t do it without Leah.”
Amber tells him she’s also scared.
“I’m 26,” Amber says. “I haven’t had all the love relationships that you have.”
She tells him she’s worried he’ll cheat.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Matt says.
“I could never have this again with anybody,” Matt says.
Hmmm. Wonder what Amber said after she saw this episode.
Catelynn and Tyler are still potty training Nova in the living room.
And she sits on the potty, eating. Yuck.
Tyler talks to Catelynn about starting an online clothing boutique they could pass down to their kids.
He’s already contacting a business consultant to help him set things up.
Catelynn and Tyler’s mom go out for dinner together.
She tells her about the online clothing boutique idea.
Catelynn gives her a gift for being such a good mother in law. It’s a collage photo frame filled with family photos.
They meet with a clothing designer somebody has recommended.
He wants to have some “exclusive pieces” in their collection.
I hope being Teen Mom starts is enough to carry this boutique because these two very sweet people are morons.
Farrah’s doing hypnotherapy, and she invites her mom to participate.
“I think it would be amazing,” her mom Debra says.
“I’m doing it to help me find a better person to date,” Farrah says. Say what?
She tells her mom she doesn’t think anything is going to happen with Simon.
“All issues can be removed today,” the hypnotist promises.
It’s some of the most ridiculous mumbo jumbo I’ve ever heard. I bet it will be like 20 minutes before Farrah’s fighting with her mom again.
After hypnotherapy, Farrah decides it’s time to get rid of Simon. And she makes a list of what she is looking for in a man.
But she can’t finish her list because she has to go to dinner with Simon. She tells her mom she’s going to declare them “just friends.”
Farrah sits at dinner fooling around with her phone and being pretty rude.
She’s describes hypnotherapy like she’s a Kardashian, according to my husband. That means she uses lots of big words that it’s obvious she has no idea how to use.
Farrah tells Simon she just wants to be friends, and “not friends with benefits.”
She never looks up from her phone for the rest of dinner.
Maci’s husband’s clothing business is doing really well, and he’s getting ready to give up his day job.
“Just don’t get me pregnant, or I’ll kill you,” Maci says.
Maci has lunch with her girlfriend Keelie.
She tells her about Ryan and Mackenzie standing them up for the escape room.
Next, Maci gets a text saying that Ryan is into some scary stuff.
Sounds like it’s drugs.
“I did not know the severity of what was going on,” Maci says.
“What happens next?” Taylor asks.
“I have no idea,” Maci says.
“We have to get Jen and Larry on board,” Maci says.
“The goal is to get him healthy and happy and back to normal. But if I can’t do that, I have to at least try. If something were to happen to Bentley, I would never be able to forgive myself ever. I can’t just sit back and let it happen,” Maci says.
It’s just more proof that no matter where these girls take their lives, they’re always tethered, to some degree, to their baby daddies from when they were too young to know better.
Things we’re left wondering
What do Catelynn and Tyler actually do for a living right now? Do they live off their Teen Mom earnings?
Haven’t these Teen Moms learned not to out people for illegal activities on camera yet? Never ends well.
Why would anybody think now is a good time for Amber to get married? What does her psychiatrist have to say about it?
Teen Mom OG airs Mondays at 9/8c on MTV.