Last week’s episode ended with Bobby getting furious with Hannah for c**kblocking him with Malia.
Right, cuz that hookup is going to happen. Not.
He got a little drunk and out of control.
“Was it just me or is that…???” Hannah blames Bobby’s behavior on steroids.
Mean, but he just called her an alcoholic.
Hannah and Malia were all super buddy buddy last night, and it’s a little awkward the next morning.
“Hopefully, she knows I swing one way,” Malia says.
Bobby complains to everybody who will listen that Hannah is telling the other girls what to think of him.
Hannah and Lauren get together and compare notes, since Lauren just broke up with Bobby recently.
“Well, I have your back,” Lauren tells the Chief Stew.
Shortly thereafter, Bobby goes and gets Lauren, and tries to involve her in his argument with Hannah.
“Nope, I’m not getting involved in that,” Lauren says.
“I’m pulling you in, and you’d better have my back,” Bobby warns her.
That never works out well.
“For him to call me an alcoholic. That to me is unforgivable,” Hannah says she’ll work with him but her walls are up.
Bobby confronts Hannah while she’s out smoking a cigarette. When Hannah won’t admit to c**kblocking, he radios Lauren.
“So you’re saying that she never said…” Bobby flips when Lauren won’t back him up.
“Why would I make this up?” Bobby asks.
“Can we just leave what happened in New York in New York?” Lauren asks
“I don’t know what is going on. I’m so confused,” Bobby says.
Oh Bobby. It’s called chicks before d**ks! #GirlCode
“Thanks a lot Lauren. Why don’t you go f**k Ben!” Bobby yells.
Bobby says that Ben hooked up with Lauren after they broke up.
Usually, I like Bobby. But he’s acting like a little b***h about this.
When you’ve already hooked up with two girls on the boat, and they don’t have warm fuzzy feelings for you, it may come back to haunt you.
Lauren calls Ben. Apparently, Bobby introduced them.
“Bobby called me out for hooking up with you,” Lauren tells him, and Ben laughs.
“So he’s trying to hook up with a deckhand?” Ben asks if Malia is interested.
“Not after this s**t,” Lauren says.
Bobby, on the other hand, calls Mommy. He tells her he got blindsided.
It’s kind of sad to watch. And I think his mom looks like a TV therapist.
Bobby says his last relationship fell apart because the girl’s parents didn’t approve of him because he didn’t make enough money.
Later on, Lauren tries to smooth things over with Bobby.
“Things with Bobby are just getting weirder,” Lauren says.
She tries to talk it through with him, but he’s determined to pin her down, and make her either admit to lying, or make her say Hannah is lying.
Finally, she’s had enough.
“You’re 31 and you’re a grown ass man. You got drunk as f**k the other night. You called Hannah an alcoholic. You attacked me!” Lauren says.
And Bobby flips out about the word “attack.” He does have a temper. #JustSaying
And the Bobby vs. The Girls drama continues after the guests have arrived.
He’s talking smack about them.
“You guys have a room. You can talk s**t in your room,” Lauren snarks as she passes through the crew mess, where Max and Bobby are talking about her.
Hannah is not happy to find Lauren in tears so early in the morning. They’re only three charters in and this is a nightmare.
The next charter has a special view. The client is Mr. Skin, the founder of MrSkin.com.
It’s a naked photo shoot, and they’ll be filming the Naked News, and celebrating the company’s anniversary.
They are VERY picky eaters, and Chef Adam is screwed.
He’s got normal eaters, pescatarians, vegetarians, vegans and some who only eat raw food. Bahaha!
“They don’t even teach raw in cooking school,” Adam says when he sees the preference sheet.
“They’re going to do a naked news photo shoot,” Hanna explains to the other stews.
She says they’re going to be running around behind them with disinfectant wipes.
The captain is drilling the deck crew on how to drop the anchor properly.
Bobby has trouble with meters.
He says Captain Sandy doesn’t yell, but you can feel her mad at you.
While Bobby’s dreaming of Malia, Malia is thinking about Chef Adam.
“I know I shouldn’t go there but it’s going to be really fun vibe,” is how Malia describes her relationship with Chef Adam.
Then Bugsy’s mom calls to tell her that her grandmother died, and that’s rough when you’re so far away from home.
She was a huge part of Bugsy’s life, and Hannah’s concerned Bugsy may need to leave.
Suddenly and without warning, the captain tells them to get on deck in their dress uniforms to greet the guests.
“Jesus Christ, give me 10 minutes to do my hair,” Max says.
The captain screwed everyone, and nobody looks put together.
The soon-to-be-naked charter group is a large one.
“You know one of these is just sex toys,” Malia jokes as they onboard the luggage.
“All these guests are gonna get naked anyway, so why don’t they all just share the same bed?” Hannah jokes after the guests bitch about sharing rooms during the tour.
The guests get comfortable, and naked, quickly.
“Nice,” Captain Sandy says when she steps through a door and encounters a naked woman.
The boys are having trouble getting anything done.
“You can’t not look, your eyes just go there. Titties, vagina, and a**,” Bobby says, like a 12 year old.
At least they all wear clothes for meals.
The next morning, Captain Sandy decides the crew needs to practice tying off to a rock.
Why do I suspect this will end badly?
Wes is a little concerned about the plan to tie off on the cliffs.
During breakfast service, the kitchen sink clogs and overflows. That must be really bad because all of the stews are moving 100 mph.
“It’s our job to make sure the guests have absolutely no idea what’s happening,” Hannah says.
Meanwhile, the wind picks up and the boat drifts toward the rocks.
Captain Sandy wakes up Wes to help her.
Captain Sandy, when are you going to figure out this tying off on rocks thing isn’t a good idea with this crew? #ToldYouSo
“The wind’s picked up. I need you to get in that tender and push,” Captain tells Max.
He looks at her like she’s on crack.
“If we hit the rocks, we’re totally f**ked,” Captain Sandy tells Max.
And the episode ends with us waiting to find out if Max will follow the captain’s instructions before this multi-million dollar boat hits the rocks.
Things we’re left wondering
At what point does the “other” crew step in? You know, the other guys we meet briefly at the beginning of the season, and only when an emergency gets so bad that they have to play a major role?
What does Bobby not understand about how it’s a bad idea to s**t where you eat? He’s already in deep with Hannah and Lauren. If he manages to catch Malia drunk and actually hook up with her, that won’t end well.
Below Deck Mediterranean airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.