SyFy’s ‘Beauty and the Beasts: A Dark Tale’ brings B film glory back, Feb. 27

SyFy knows how to pop up some highly improbable "Imagine Greater" fare, and tonight they will roll out a film I actually enjoyed, for all its camp, overwrought acting, diabolical machinations and just plain old silly B-movie fun. <P></P> <P>"Beauty and the Beasts: A Dark Tale" is not for film snobs, genre purists, little children (cheesy yet scary violent bloody scenes) or those who demand realism.  </P> <P>Think Mystery Science Theater 3000 moments as you and the assembled can make the popcorn, mix the drinks and note the glaringly silly, obvious moments that make it a perfect snowy or rainy Saturday night stay at home film.</P> <P>There’s beauty in that, a purely entertaining undemanding fairy tale yarn that invites guffaws and shared commentary. </P> <P>There’s lots of heaving cleavage and legs (surprisingly) too for the guys.</P> <P>Syfy presents great cheesy B-movie horror and sci-fi moments.  It makes sense their sights have set upon the fantastical world of the fairy tales, where kinnky sex and imminent death are the true undertones, but producers here only play in the world of PG-rated drama, as the good guys are beaten down, and the bad women wreak havoc on the hamlet until one righteous woman saves the day.</P> <P>Our righteous babe is Estelle Warren, remember her? She was the hot ingenue from the "Planet of the Apes" remake who was supposed to be the next big thing since Bardot.</P> <P>Anyhow, on tonight’s "Beauty and the Beasts: A Dark Tale" (Syfy, 9 p.m.), Estelle is Belle, who champions a Beast – the scapegoat for an evil witch’s murderous home-cooked troll, the real hidden terror of the village.</P> <P>All this silliness has the required elements: Bad, power hungry royals, scheming hot witches, deluded townsfolk, magic potions, anemic blood squirts from severed limbs, lots of candles and torches and mini skirts.</P> <P>Yes, the traditional garb of a medieval wench: The modified St. Paulie’s Girl outfit with short skirt and corset that serves up breasts like golf balls on a T.  Warren may play Belle the washer girl, but she looks ready for a hot Halloween party in your average suburb.</P> <P>Again, I reiterate: Not a film for the serious, this is popcorn time for those who want pure escapist fun.</P> <P>Our Belle is a devoted daughter, and a spunky energetic washer woman who’s blithely unaware that her head could be lopped off for sassing a King or Royal at that time.  She befriends the maligned Beast (Victor Parascos) who lives in a forest home, by the fire, where he…carves things.</P> <P>The plot is storytime 101, as Belle and Beast bond and have each other’s proverbial "backs" saving each other’s neck from the local fairytale political machine.</P> <P>Given all the horrible, sad news going on in the world especially today, "Beauty" is just what the doctor ordered for a short respite from the misery.</P>Note the date on this article may be incorrect due to importing it from our old system.