No matter how much silicone you pump in your lips or how many pounds of gloss you slather on them, it will make no difference if your teeth are jacked up or your breath is heinous.
You might attract a guy with your sexy pout, but he ain’t going anywhere near you if you have nuclear cloud of stank coming from your jagged-toothed mouth. I know I have backed away from a very hot guy once he breathed toxic waste fumes in my direction!
Ladies or gents… this is the red flashing light telling you that you’re in dire need of a mouth make-over.
Let’s start with the teeth: Thanks to Dr. Michael Schneider, DMD, website in West LA, who gave me the most beautiful set of veneers with SmileSimplicity. I look 10 years younger and 15 years sexier. Side note: a dentist can be awfully sexy once they give you an awesome set of pearly whites.
Now that my upper teeth are so gorgeous, it’s obvious that my lowers need a dose of love too. So I figured I would try the Rembrandt Stain Dissolving Strips. Totally easy to use once you figure out your left thumb from your right.
The directions say to line up the v-notch nearest your left thumb (for your lowers) then you press on to the teeth, fold over the excess and let dissolve. It’s not brain surgery, there is nothing to mix or measure and just adds about 30 seconds to your morning routine.
There is a minor tingle and a slight minty flavor but nothing overpowering or off-putting. Once you fold over the strip it feels like it’s a part of your teeth, it really really does stick. There is no shifting or heaviness or temporary speech impediment a la Cindy Brady when Buddy Hinton taunted her about her lisp…. “baby talk, baby talk, it’s a wonder you can walk.” Did I just out my age?
And these strips dissolve, Rembrandt didn’t BS us on that, it’s in, it’s stuck and it melts away.
I confess that I have always shied away from whitening procedures because they were messy or tasted like chalky minty poo plus you had to wear a tooth guard for hours, and the goop would slide down the back of it and go to the back of your throat. Ugh, it was just a pain and disgusting and gross. I don’t care what the beauty pundits say… that whole “no pain, no gain” motto is nonsense. I believe that it should be “no pain, major gain”.
Getting veneers is expensive. so the next best thing is using the Rembrandt Stain Dissolving Strips as they are only about $20, don’t include a trip to the dentist, and are worth every penny
But your mouth make over isn’t done yet.
Time for a blast from the past or more specifically, a Binaca Blast from the past! Remember when everyone had a Binaca in their purse or back pocket then, all of a sudden Altoids mania hit the US.
It was an invasion of overpowering, eye-watering mint. We were all forced to pop these fireball mints and pretend it was the greatest thing since sliced bread and the poor true blue Binaca was relegated to the back of the medicine cabinet or in some discarded purse in your winter closet… oh how I’ve missed you, you delightful little blue bottle of minty freshness. Well, the mouthwash Gods heard my plea and now a whole new generation is getting re-introduced to nifty Binaca Breath Drops.
Binaca is more subtle than Altoids and still freshens your breath without the feeling that you have a peppermint avalanche in your mouth. If breath mints were the subject of Aesop’s fables, then Binaca would be the turtle and Altoids the hare and remember who won that race?? I rest my case!
So there you have it, an easy and inexpensive mouth make over. Now go out and kiss the first person you meet. And tell me how delicious it is!
Minty fresh x’s and o’s
Do you want to win a box of Rembrandt Stain Dissolving Strips? Enter HERE to win, we are giving away three sets to three lucky winners!
Karen V. Stevens is a media gal, writer, producer, PR spin master and USC Trojan football enthusiast who’s an enthusiastic kisser. Hollah on TwitterNote the date on this article may be incorrect due to importing it from our old system.