How to avoid becoming a World Cup Widow during Germany 2006

By Hazel Parry Jun 12, 2006, 13:58 GMT

A supporter of Australia dressed as a kangaroo cheers with a flag prior to the group F match of 2006 FIFA World Cup between Australia and Japan at the Kaiserslautern stadium, on Monday, 12 June 2006. EPA/FRANK MAY

Hong Kong - Since the moment the World Cup kicked off on June 9, millions of women across the world have been forced to share their husbands and boyfriends a seductive rival: the all-consuming love of football.

It can be a testing time when a woman is forced to share her other half with a game of two halves, but relationships do survive the World Cup. All it takes is skilful tactics and fair play.

Here are some ways for women to take men on at their own game, and make sure they are not sidelined for the duration of the month-long tournament:

1. Join Them: One way to make sure you do not feel left out is to become a supporter yourself. If you know nothing about football, Soccer Tips for Dummies by Michael Lewis (Hungry Minds Inc) may help you get the hang of the off-side rule or try The Thinking Fan's Guide to the World Cup (Abacus) for some insight on what makes your man tick.

Alternatively, get your partner to talk you through it and explain the rules. One word of warning from Jim Pirrie, a self-confessed football obsessive and director of the Brazilian Soccer Schools in Hong Kong: Don't expect chat during the match.

'Talk to me during the game and you'll get only half answers,' says Pirrie. 'At half-time and full-time you can have as much analysis as you like but not during the game.'

2. Play Away: Not infidelity but finding something else, rather than someone else, to fill that void in your life. A survey in the UK found that 30 per cent of World Cup widows would rather go shopping than watch a match while another 30 per cent said they would prefer a meal with friends.

If you are in a part of the world like Asia where games are on after shops close for the night, you could try going to the bed early with a good book and earplugs, have a late night out with like-minded friends or retreat to your own space with the DVDs you would never watch together.

3. Play Fair: Fair play is all part of 'the beautiful game,' which means your partner should know to play by the rules and be prepared to give something back to you for being so understanding.

Organize some quality time to together and with the family or go for a trade-off: Tell him you will keep out of the way if he promises something in return. Perhaps letting you do something on your own or a weekend away together when the tournament is over.

4. Stand By Your Fan: Even if you don't watch you can cash in on the emotions the game produces to build a closer relationship. If your partner's side loses, be the shoulder to cry on and when they win, share the joy and celebrate with him. The Durex company has even produced a range of World Cup condoms in three varieties (England, Germany and Brazil) which seem tailor-made for such an occasion.

Relationship counsellor Sharon Glick says what you should not do is ignore your partner's misery if his team loses or tell him not to be so silly. 'That's like pouring gasoline on fire,' said Glick. 'Why upset them more?'

Jim Pirrie prefers the silent treatment. 'If my team loses then I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone and get drunk. The worst thing someone can do is to say 'It's not that bad, it's only a game'. That's 100 times worse than saying nothing. It's not only a game. It's the World Cup.'

5. Enjoy The Spectacle From The Sidelines: Even if you find football really is a bore, you can still enjoy the festival fever, gossip and human tales of tragedy and triumph which go hand in hand with a big tournament.

Go along to a bar screening of the big matches with your partner and just enjoy the atmosphere, kissing after the goals and hugs of commiseration in the worst-case scenario.

6. Get The Whole Team Involved: Children too can feel neglected. Make the big matches family events. Encourage the children to watch games, dress in the colours of your team or paint your faces.

Children will love being part of the event and sharing something with their parents. Plan a football dinner or even a party. Decorate the house in your team colours and invite other footballing friends, widows and families over too.

7: Don't Cry Foul: Dirty play and dramatics is no more appreciated off the pitch than on. Whatever you do, don't try to win back your partner's affection by using tactics like temper tantrums, sulks, threats, and pulling the plug on the television.

Do that, says Glick, and you may find yourself taking an early bath alone and may even force your partner to seek refuge at more welcoming venues such as a friend's house or bars.

The secret is not to worry. If your relationship is good you have nothing to fear from your partner's other love. 'It can only become a problem if you are insecure,' Glick said. 'You should accept it as being part of that person. Take a deep breath and be relieved that his other mistress is only football.' Now try telling that to a football fan.

Hazel Parry is a Deutsche Presse-Agentur's Hong Kong correspondent and an experienced football widow. She has survived two World Cups and 12 football seasons with her husband. Their fourth child William is known affectionately as 'World Cup Willy' because of his arrival nine months after a memorable performance by England in the 2002 World Cup.