Smallscreen Reviews

Review: Channel Five's First Foray Into ‘Big Brother’ Starts

By Ian Cullen Sep 9, 2011, 22:22 GMT

07/30/2011 - Pamela Anderson - Pamela Anderson Celebrates Her 44th Birthday at Chateau Nightclub in Las Vegas on July 30, 2011 - Chateau Nightclub & Gardens at the Paris Las Vegas Hotel and Casino - Las Vegas, NV, USA © PRN / PR Photos

With the shock win for Paddy Doherty on 'Celebrity Big Brother' rocking the tabloid press last night, the live launch of the normal 'Big Brother' got underway with guest housemate Pamela Anderson, who promised to give them the ride of their lives.

Of course before the Pammy riding could get underway, host Brian Dowling spent an hour or so introducing us to the good, bad and downright ugly that will likely entertain for all the wrong reasons over the course of the next few weeks.

Literally thousands of people applied as they do every year, and the first of these to enter the house was Mark Henderson - a 28 year-old that does sales by sitting on his arse talking to old ladies.

He admits to not having a great deal of success, and worries that he’ll make an idiot of himself. I think he’s going into the wrong house somehow.  His first words on entering the house were, ‘Don’t say anything too stupid. Make the horse noise. Is there anybody here? Why's the bath shaped like an egg?’

Next up was a blond 19 year-old called Macy who has pretty much dumped her boyfriend in so many words, to enter the house as a single woman. She strutted down the catwalk for the interview to a load of boos.

Thus far, we have a himbo and a bimbo. Upon entry into the house Mark greeted Macy and introduced her to the bath shaped like an egg because its one of his favorite things. Hmmm, yeah. Ok, mate.

Third to enter was Aaron from Western Supermare. He’s single and claims that people call him arrogant. Says he never has issues with getting with the women. He's promising to have a big impact in the house. Ah promises, promises. Already bored.

Aaron has the nickname of Asman because his mates claim he looks like a lion. Oh dear. It gets worse folks he admits to liking High School Musical. How uncool is that?

Fourth for the house was model, dancer, writer and holistic healer Heaven Africa. She gets annoyed by fake people. Yet she comes across as just a little fake herself. But hey, am just a regular Jeans and T - Shirt type of guy. That said, she was getting a few boos and given her disloke for fakers, this hasn’t prevented her from bringing fake hair extensions into the house. Eeh by heck the nerve of the woman!

Housemate number five is Tom from Solihul in Birmingham, who is told he looks like someone that likes fat girls.  He admits to being bisexual and doesn’t know if he likes girls or boys. Speaks with a really irritating Birmingham accent. Admits to getting his bits out when there are cameras around.

While on the break, Pamela Anderson made a few comments about the new housemates and apparently she thinks Tom is beautiful.

Sixth to enter was Tashie Jackson, an actress and belly dancer from Oxford. She admits to being very 'out there' and loud. Speaks five languages and is prone to swearing in different languages when angry. Tashie is definitely eye candy for the boys and went in to much applause.

Housemate number seven is Aden, who is a student who loves computers and computer games. Thinks he can connect to people on a deeper level and wants to help people. Thinks he’s a bit of a player when it comes to women.

When entering the house there was some issue with how to pronounce his name. The girls were very nearly saying hard on. Must have been wishful thinking on their part.

Housemate number eight is Alex, a blond bombshell from Newcastle, who is fun and vibrant and she is going on 'Big Bruba', which is how she says it to proved that not all blonds are thick. I think this girl is going to be more annoying than fun and vibrant. Oh dear.

During the break we had more comments from Pamela Anderson who said she wants belly dancing lessons off of Tashie. So do I, Pam.

Ninth to go in was Harry Blake, who owns a milkshake company and is a posh 23 - year old whose been raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. He’s involved in hunting and is a likely candidate for the young conservative party, which is why he was booed horribly by the audience.

Admits to wanting to be a gay icon. Doesn’t have a sense of smell and people trust him to sell them decent milkshake. Oh dear, dear me. Have to say I loved how he rather poshly tried to sound street by saying, “Fucking Hell!” upon entering the house.

Tenth to enter was Rebeckah, who is from Liverpool and works as a lap dancer and club hostess, but runs a non-profit dance school for underprivileged children. Sees herself as making money off very rich men in order to give it to the poor. She says all men make her angry because they all break girls hearts and says she will tease the boys.

Eleventh to enter was Anton Murphy. A musician who was part of gang culture, but thanks to having got into a private school has turned his life around somewhat. Says he has a rejection rate of zero percent with the girls. This guy has game, yeah. You feelin’ me?

Pamela gave another of her updates and said that she thought Harry was cute, but should go to a dentist because he has horrible teeth. Probably all those milkshakes.

Housemate number twelve is Faye who is a wrestler from Tamworth. She has a wrestling character called Darcy Steele and says she is uber competitive. I already like her. Says that if anyone annoys her she’ll clothesline them in the face. Nice girl. Really nice.

The unlucky thirteenth housemate to enter was Jay McCray from Newcastle who is a plumber and fitness instructor. Says he’s all about looking good. He’s going in the house to entertain and have fun and have to admit. He looks like he could be a lot of fun.

The fourteenth and final housemate to enter was Louise from my neck of the woods - Manchester - where the women are built to last. Louise is a model and won Miss Manchester in 2006. Likes intelligent television.  Said that one lad told her that he’d marry her if she got elocution lessons. She told him to piss off. I like this girl already.

She likes her chippy dinners and said given the choice between a footballer and a chef she’d marry the chef. Prior to modeling she wanted to join the army.  Hmm... yes, I think she could look good hefting a few semi-automatic weapons around.

Upon entering the house Louise was greeted by all the boys, which isn’t all that surprising, really.

With all the housemates in and settled Big Brother introduced them all to Pamela Anderson, who is to be their celebrity house guest.  As the blinds were lifted the housemates ran out and met Pamela who told Harry to stop hunting and called him a bad boy. In terms of the time she’d be staying it would be for a few days. But she was quick to say that she wanted to see Tom's penis given that he admitted to having a thing for getting it out for the cameras.

The challenge is that the housemates have to work really hard to be Pamela Anderson’s best friend because being her friend will bring big rewards.

Over all this looks like it could be more entertaining than celebrity big brother. I’ve already picked up on some comments on Facebook, which give the impression that this bunch of housemates are much cooler than the celebrity housemates.

My guess is that Channel Five probably spent a whole wad of cash getting Pamela Anderson to agree to come in for a couple of days. Which would explain why most of the celebrity big brother housemates were pretty much Z listers.