Review: All Hail the Power of Mega Piranha, April 10 on Syfy

By April MacIntyre Apr 10, 2010, 19:47 GMT

Mega Piranha star Barry Williams gives good phone, courtesy of Syfy

Syfy has warmed the cockles of my heart for their unflinching commitment to bring the cheesiest B-movies to TV for Saturday night movie night.  It's a throwback to the days long ago when The Blob, The 50 Foot Woman and It Came from Outer Space entertained and served a much-needed niche of mindless entertainment.

The star of this epic flying fish tale is Jason Fitch (Paul Logan and his amazing abs), or Senor Feeesh as his nemesis Colonel Antonio Diaz (David Labiosa) refers to him.  Fitch plays the special forces agent to perfection, and doesn't even flinch or crack up when American scientist Sarah Monroe (Tiffany!) tells him the Mega Piranha has two hearts and is a Hermaphrodite, so it can reproduce all by itself. 

all hail the power of Paul Logan's manly physique, courtesy of Syfy

A special note, appreciated were the "we don't need no stinkin' badges" aspects of all of Diaz's silly henchmen in the Venezuelan army. They get away with some scandalous Spanish in the side conversations.

‘Mega Piranha’ is a TV film directed by Eric Forsberg (who plays a bit part at the beginning as a doomed diplomat) and is pasted together in a style akin to "24" where whip-pans, whizzing frames and appropriate frenetic sound effects mimic the fast-paced drama.  The fierce Piranha are mistaken for terrorists initially, but soon our dispatched agent (Logan) catches one of the fish and plops it on Diaz's desk as proof that they are dealing with lethal mutant creatures. 

The camera work is as interesting as the storyline, which opens with an Asian couple on a picnic stroll alongside the Orinoco river in the Venezuelan part of the Amazon, with decaying fly-infested carrion decorating the river banks.

Perfect place to strip off and go for a swim!

Their grisly deaths begin the body count for the aggro fish that sound like a pack of wolves fighting over a carcass.

Mega-Piranha employs actor Barry Williams (Brady Bunch) as Fitch's commanding officer, who gives good urgent phone call scenes.

The fish tale progresses as the agile growling mega Piranhas escape into the main Amazon basin and they spread quickly downstream. These hungry, toothy fish kill every animal and human who come across their way.  These diabolical fish have a plan, and it involves heading to God's waiting room: Florida, where they reign in terror over the locals there.

This is the kind of movie my dad (age 73) locks himself in his man cave armed with a bag of chips or a giant bowl of ice cream (or both) and tells us all to leave him alone so he can enjoy "his movie" in peace.

Hail the power of Mega Piranha!  Saturday night is fun again.