By April MacIntyre Oct 11, 2009, 22:24 GMT
A terrible thing happened to the Hollywood legacy of Argentine Fernando Lamas, and his Norwegian stunner actress wife Arlene Dahl. Together, these two talented, beautiful people made a gorgeous kid in 1958, Lorenzo, who has followed his parents' footsteps.
Ah Lorenzo, you should have sent all your kids away to boarding schools and insisted they get educated, and stay far far away from Hollywood- Lorenzo Lamas - 25th Annual Love Ride - Harley Davidson Glendale - Glendale, CA. USA © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos
Like a teabag that has been used more than once, the weakened brew nets a barely registered aroma and flavor of its original strength. Same thing has happened to the distilled-down Lamas' family genes, who unlike the Barrymores, have become a tasteless, tan, embarrassment that would most likely make the late Fernando cringe to witness it.
Welcome to the worst of the worst, the latest E! reality series that takes a family and follows them around in scripted, dramatized "situations" to create "drama" and make you tune in to see what other dumbass crap they pull of next week.
This series makes the Kardashian efforts look like "Nova."
"Leave It To Lamas" is a shameful, sad and annoying waste of time chronicling the exploits of high-strung Shayne Lamas, the porcine-faced daughter of Lorenzo who won The Bachelor: London Calling in 2008, and with it, Matt Grant’s hand in marriage.
That made-for-TV bullcrap lasted about two months before the couple went their separate ways.
The premiere of this odious clunker is Sunday, Oct. 11 (11p.m. ET).
The debut episode revolves around Shayne's scheming ways to reunite brother AJ with their father, who no longer speaks with him because maybe bro' slept with some lucite-heeled wearing tart Lamas was once married to.
Now, I actually like Lorenzo Lamas, even though his cinematic career has devolved into a B-film extravaganza, but "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" was an unappreciated howler that had a retro horror feel to it.
Unfortunately, Shayne has neither his looks nor charisma, and certainly none of her grandparents' majesty or class.
Even worse, is the side character of Shayne and AJ’s mother Michelle, who appears to be a doppelgänger of Magda from "There's Something About Mary." She decides her menopause symptoms will be great comedy to inject into this failed laffer/drama/trainwreck.
I actually turned off the review screener and binned it when she and Shayne constructed a barbecue grill inside their living room, then filled it with charcoal and decided to "try it out" inside. Cue the "yuks."
Lamas did gamely promote this stinker at the last TCA's in Pasadena this summer, and he described his current relationship with A.J. as "strained." He said he agreed to do this show "because there's a chance we can make things better through the circumstances of a television show. ... I've seen A.J. more in the last two weeks than I have in the past three years."
A quiet dinner away from cameras maybe could have achieved the same goal, Lorenzo.
For you whippersnappers out there, see what "was" in the Lamas genealogy:
Lamas' beautiful mother Arlene Dahl in clips from the 1953 adventure film "The Diamond Queen."
This is a remake of the 1934 hit musical 'The Merry Widow' . This time is Lana Turner as Fifi and Fernando Lamas as Count Danilo.
The distilled gene pool:
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