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Recap: True Blood 'You’re No Good'

By Karen V. Stevens Jul 1, 2013, 22:02 GMT

Recap: True Blood 'You’re No Good'

As Eric strokes and cajoles her, he still threatens to kill her, which he makes sound so damn sexy. But Willa spills that she knows about the secret government experiments. And just as the militia is about to break into her room, they disappear…. Credits.

This episode opens sexy, with Eric glamming Willa, the governor’s vampire sympathetic daughter in her bedroom. Who said politics were boring!

As Eric strokes and cajoles her, he still threatens to kill her, which he makes sound so damn sexy.  But Willa spills that she knows about the secret government experiments.  And just as the militia is about to break into her room, they disappear…. Credits.

Jessica and Bill are talking about what he saw when he was in the Lillith Neverland, basically the demise of all his vamp pals and how he must stop it.  With his blood tears he explains that Jessica was one of the vamps who died in his vision of the future.

Sookie is in her room playing with her magic ball of fairy fire as Jason and Grandfather Niall bond in the living room.  Jason’s headaches keep getting worse… is this foreshadowing of his own supernatural powers being born? 

As Jason deals with the migraines from Hell or from the past or from the supernatural world, Niall feels Warlow’s presence and rushes outside to confront him with Sookie hot on his tail.  The closer Warlow gets the more Jason is affected by the headaches, (am I the only one who sees this?)  Jason again crumples to the ground in head pain making Sookie and Niall race back to his side.

Niall lectures Sookie that she needs to fear Warlow more but she has had just about enough and explains that she's always aware of the threat to her life by other worldly creatures so she prefers to weigh the levels of fear or she will constantly be operating at level nine.

Sick of waiting for Warlow’s attack, Niall decides to search and bring the fight to him.  Jason, wanting to be the hero macho man, tries to follow and again gets the major head pain.  It’s ironic that the guy who has the least brain cells to spare on the show is losing the most from some sort of supernatural zap.  Niall explains that Warlow wants Sookie’s blood because she’s a royal fairy… but then why wouldn’t he want Nialls??  Hmmm, something’s not totally fairy kosher here.

Back at Pam’s defunct Fang Hang-out, Eric is there with Willa, the governor’s innocent Sookie-like daughter whom Pam hates...so we know it’s just days before Eric and Willa get all sweaty.  Willa reveals that she wants to help the vamps.  Which leads us to….

The secret government silo camp where Reverend Steve Newlin is being dragged into a medical office.   Newlin, unaware that the authority is no longer, threatens the Joseph Mengela-like doctor with vampire wrath as the spokes-vampire of the authority…. Is this anything like Star Search’s spokesmodel, if so then send out the SOS because no one has heard from them in about 20 years!

Back at Fangtasia, Eric and Pam are still arguing the merits of killing Willa as Pam is still lamenting the loss of her perfect vampire bar and grill.  Her suggestion of “cut of her fucking head” doesn’t work for Eric as he wants to keep her alive as a bargaining chip.

Wonder what happened to Sam?  Well, he wakes up back as his house after having been rescued by Nicole and her know-it-all boyfriend, Jessie, of the Vampire Unity Society.  Jessie shows no compassion but rather wants to use Sam’s experience as a tool to get the word out on the werewolves. Lafayette threatens him to forget everything he saw in the not-so-subtle Lafayette way.  Who doesn’t love a man who sports the perfect false lashes and still throws down hard core macho threats?

Nicole and Jessie leave, but not before she offers to help Sam, yeah, we know he’s going to wind up shifting all over her shape before the season is over.  Even Lafayette notices this little exchange and warns him.  He also offers to help rescue Emma from the pack or more specifically asks, “what’s the mutherfuckin’ plan?”  That’s right Lafayette, tell is like it is.  I think he is the most real character in a sea of unreal, otherworldly beings.

And now we meet Ginger, another level of white trash vamp-banger, but this one is in curlers and a garter belt.  Eric shows up at her door, she’s thinking booty call, and he is just using her for her secret coffin cubby… if I had a dime every guy who wanted me just for my secret cubby coffin….  Anyway, Eric and Willa wind up sharing a coffin built for two while Pam and Tara are clearly not pleased

In another part of Bon Temps, Bill and Jessica are watching the sun rise as he explains that he and Lillith can exist in the sun, he figured this out from his coma-vision and just like a child waiting for Santa Claus he is just as giddy knowing he will soon be walking in the real sun. 

Jessica freaks out, begging him to stop, Bill, listen to the child!!    Bill walks towards the sun rise with his arms spread like a vampire Christ figure and immediately catches fire

So, while doing his Richard Pryor impression, Bill runs back into the house a little crispier and more humble than 30 seconds before, a full body fire will do that to a person, or a vampire.  Jessica, as usual, cries and screams.

Still dressed like the emcee of a PT Barnum 3-Ring Circus… hmm, I wonder… Niall walks into the fairy night club and finds it empty with traces of fairy blood all over.  No need to call CSI: Bon Temps because Niall can just sense the fear and pain while envisioning the fairy slaughter from Warlow’s point of view.  Back to reality, there is one fairy survivor who explains that a vampire got in and killed them all.   Niall gives him the fairy last rites as they guy turns to fairy dust.  Is this where Tinkerbell gets the dust to help her fly?

Meanwhile, back at maison de Sookie, Jason is coming to again and opens up about his recent hallucinations, maybe that is his superpower, he sees racist dead people.  Sookie confesses that their parents weren’t all the wonderful and in fact, Mama Stackhouse was a bit afraid of her fairy daughter.  It’s nice to see Jason and Sookie have a rare family bonding moment.

Holly walks into the sheriff’s station as Andy goes through all the new anti-vamp weapons the state has issued to them.  Andy is still surrounded by his litter of fairy children who are now pre-teens and giggly.  He introduces them as 1, 2, 3, 4.  I think they should be referred as the Duggar Family Starter Kit.    He wants to make amends with Holly and offers to help her with her vampire problem at the motel by teaching her how to shoot.

Speaking of cops, at white-trash Martha’s pack-shack, the local boys in blue come looking for Emma and Luma.  Since there are new anti-vamp laws in Louisiana, cops now don’t need cause for a search warrant and can search anywhere for the greater good. 

Alcide and Martha stall the cops as Rikki scares Emma into puppy shifting so when they come in, they just see a hot chick and a cute dog on the bed.  Excuse me, they come in, see a dog and leave?  How is that searching?  They don’t even look under a bed, open a closet, look behind a door?  Come on now!

Rikki is freaking out that the world will learn of their existence and they will soon be hunted like vampires.  This is turning into a WWII allegory with vampires as the Jews of the supernatural world, then werewolves would be the gypsies and I’m guessing shifters would be the homosexuals…

Holly, Andy and 1 thru 4 are hanging out so he can teach her how to shoot which is the perfect excuse for him to get up close and personal with her again after his one night fairy stand.  Andy wants to be her saving grace, and you feel for the guy, you want him to be forgiven.  Holly doesn’t exactly take him back but the door is open for him to worm his way back in.

Eric and Willa are cozy in the coffin when she confesses that her mom ran off with a vampire and that’s why her daddy, the governor, hates them.  Willa’s sweetness and innocence reminds me of Sookie before she got all “fairy” on us.  We can see that Eric is intrigued. 

Did you know that vampire’s get “the bleeds” if they don’t sleep during the day?  Neither did I.  Willa notices that Eric has “the bleeds” coming from his ear and wipes it off with her finger.  And in the most sensual scene that takes place in a coffin, Eric grabs her finger before she can taste his blood and sucks on it himself saying “let me do that”.  Yes, please, Eric, do that!  And he turns away, what a tease.

Just as things were starting to get all 50 Shades of Vampire, they cut to Ben meeting Niall in the fairy meadow and for some reason Niall tells Ben his entire Warlow history. 

Why do I get the sense that we are being played by either Ben or Niall or both?  Anyway, they realize that they have a Sookie connection and more fairy bonding ensues.  Niall wants to build a fairy army and enlists Ben’s help to protect Sookie and her fairy blood from Warlow.

Back at Bill's, who is no longer a crispy critter but is in need of answers.  Jessica convinces him that she can help and he sends her to get a Professor Takahashi, the synthesizer of TruBlood while he in turn goes to Sookie’s to ask to snack on her blood.

At the vampire concentration camp, Newlin is confronted by his ex-wife, Sarah who has the best F-U conversation a woman can have with an ex-husband, big hair and all.  She is finally in the position to tell him what a waste he was and how she is so much better without him.  Come on, any woman who was married to a closeted homosexual will have issues! 

She is now in politics because that is really the only way to do God’s work and get rid of all vampires.  At the threat of being tortured and since Steve is the vampire equivalent to a cockroach he agrees to share all he knows about Eric Northman.

Bill comes begging for Sookie’s blood but she won’t invite him in.  This time it can’t stop Bill, who's playing by a different set of rules.    It's really sad when you think she once trusted him with her life and would have done anything for him and now she has to yell for Jason to rescue her even though its like asking a baby to fight off a pitbull. 

Jason is knocked out again, seriously, how many brain cells can this poor boy lose, and Bill explains that he needs Sookie’s super blood to synthesize for his progeny to survive.  Sookie gets all Jerry Springer on him and throws plates while calling him an asshole before pleading on his “unhuman” decency.  We can see the heartbreak on his face when he says, “you’re dead to me Sookie Stackhouse” and walks out the door.

The Vampire Unity Society tracks down the werewolf pack in the back woods in an effort to reach out to their community but with all the grunting and anger coming from the wolves, they quickly back away only to be caught recording the meeting. 

Obviously, this doesn’t sit to well with a group of people who are trying to remain secret and have the survival instinct of wolves.  Jessie tries to be all college boy reasonable with them but that doesn’t wash and guess what…they pounce on him and make him their own personal chew toy.  The two others are also killed and Nicole runs into the woods, followed and attacked by wolf Rikki but wolf Alcide stops her from doing anything more.  During the mayhem, Sam shifts back to human from his owl form that has been watching over Emma and escapes with her, they follow Nicole into the woods to help too.

Still trying to find his daughter or Eric, the governor calls Eric’s phone to track the call.  Eric won’t let the governor talk to his daughter and teases him with how he might possibly kill her when he notices Tara stole Willa and escaped out the window.

Niall and Ben return to Sookies just in time to catch Nora spying on the place.  She confesses that she is looking for Warlow too and runs off.

Bill is out wandering the cemetery on his way home from his fight with Sookie and runs into Andy.  Andy warns him about being out after curfew and they have a bonding moment over Andy’s new brood of half fairy children.  This gives Bill a new twinkle in his eye, he doesn’t need Sookie and her fairy blood anymore, he can use Andy’s 4-pack of fairy children instead

So, what did you think?



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