Tonight: Jessica Simpson from NBC’s “Fashion Star” talks with Jay about her unplanned second pregnancy and how she loves that her daughter gives her open mouth kisses. Later, Simpson discusses her recently announced NBC show and the date that she and her fiancé, Eric Johnson, have picked for their wedding.
Comedian D.L. Hughley gives his comedic opinion on such topics as the legalization of marijuana and weed and what the nation should do about gun control. Vintage Trouble performs.
JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2013
YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ALL GOT YOUR FLU SHOTS. LISTEN TO THIS. ACCORDING TO THE CDC, OVER 128 MILLION FLU VACCINES HAVE BEEN ADMINISTERED THIS SEASON. THAT'S ALMOST AS MANY INJECTIONS AS LANCE ARMSTRONG HAS GOTTEN IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER. AMAZING…
EVERYONE ADMITS THEIR SECRETS TO OPRAH? OBAMA SHOULD MAKE OPRAH HEAD OF HOMELAND SECURITY. WE WOULDN'T WATERBOARD ANYBODY, LET OPRAH INTERROGATE THEM. WITHIN 30 MINUTES SHE'D HAVE THEM CRYING, " YES, I'M A TERRORIST. MY FATHER NEVER HUGGED ME. I AM A TERRORIST.” OPRAH CAN DO IT.
NOW IF WE COULD JUST GET OPRAH TO TALK TO OJ. WE COULD HAVE SETTLED THIS WHOLE THING.
LANCE SAID THAT HE FELT LIKE A GREAT WEIGHT HAD BEEN LIFTED. A HUGE, OVERSIZED WEIGHT THAT HE NEVER COULD HAVE LIFTED NATURALLY.
LISTEN TO THIS; THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE MY NOW SUE LANCE ARMSTRONG FOR THE $30 MILLION THEY GAVE HIM TO SUPPORT HIS TEAM. YOU KNOW WHAT LANCE SHOULD DO? FORGET THE MONEY, LANCE SHOULD GIVE THE POST OFFICE SOME OF THOSE PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS. MAYBE GET OUR MAIL A LITTLE QUICKER.
THE INTERVIEW WITH OPRAH WILL AIR ON THURSDAY. THEN ON FRIDAY, LANCE WILL APPEAR ON A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF “CHEATERS.”
ARNOLD WAS ONE OF THE PRESENTERS AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES AWARDS SUNDAY NIGHT AT THE BEVERLY HILTON HOTEL. SECURITY WAS REALLY TIGHT. WELL SURE, FOR THREE HOURS HE WAS AT A PLACE WITH 600 MAIDS. THEY HAD TO MAKE SURE…ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED…