Tonight: Lea Michele tells a story about how a spray tan that she got was cacked up by a dog peeing on her and then talks about her love for cooking and wanting to have her own cooking show, yet confesses she cannot cook eggs properly.Then she teases a major surprise on this week’s episode of “Glee”.
Later, Nev Schulman from MTV’s “Catfish” explains what it means to be a catfish and talks about how people have opened up to him about being a victim of false online identities.
Toby Keith performs.
JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2012
THIS JOURNALIST, THIS BROADWELL WOMAN MET PETRAEUS IN AFGHANISTAN IN 2006 WHEN SHE WAS EMBEDDED WITH HIS UNIT. AND THEN LATER…DON’T GET AHEAD OF ME…THEN LATER; OF COURSE, SHE WAS EMBEDDED WITH HIS UNIT.
FLORIDA HAS FINALLY FINISHED COUNTING THE VOTES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH FLORIDA? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR THE PEOPLE DOWN THERE TO COUNT VOTES? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A STATE WHERE HALF THE POPULATION CAN PLAY TEN BINGO CARDS AT THE SAME TIME. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO COUNT A BUNCH OF VOTES?
THEY ARE NOW SAYING THAT HILLARY IS EXPECTED TO LEAVE AS SECRETARY OF STATE, SHE'S DENYING RUMORS SHE PLANS TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2016. HILLARY SAYS ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS SLEEP. IF SHE JUST WANTS TO SLEEP, BE VICE PRESIDENT. THAT’S THE JOB.
BOTH PARTIES IN WASHINGTON NOW AGREE THAT OUR COUNTRY IS HEADED TOWARDS A "FISCAL CLIFF." THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY, THAT WE ARE HEADED STRAIGHT TOWARDS A FISCAL CLIFF. THE BAD NEWS: WE JUST ELECTED A GUY WHOSE CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WAS "FORWARD."
WE’RE IN GREAT SHAPE; THE REPUBLICANS DROVE US INTO A DITCH AND THE DEMOCRATS ARE DRIVING US OVER A CLIFF. FANTASTIC. COULDN’T BE BETTER.
BUT THE GOOD NEW: PRESIDENT OBAMA SAYS WILL RUN OUT OF GAS LONG BEFORE WE GET TO THE CLIFF. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.
MARK MCGUIRE IS THE NEW BATTING COACH FOR THE DODGERS. I GUESS YOU HEARD THAT. HE SAID HE’S GOING TO TEACH THE PLAYERS THE BASIC FUNDAMENTALS. THE MOST IMPORTANT: USING SOMEONE ELSE'S URINE. THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.