Smallscreen News

'American Horror Story: Asylum,' lesbian blackmail, dead ferrets and Bloody Face, some thoughts

By April MacIntyre Oct 18, 2012, 3:39 GMT

The season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum brings us possible alien invasions, town bullies, homosexual torture, interracial love turned to horrific murder and the Catholic Church beating the sin out of the criminally insane.

"We're gonna slay that monster together you and I" - Sister Jude

"Cleanliness is after all, next to Godliness.." - Dr. Arden

SPOILERS

The season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum brings us possible alien invasions, town bullies, homosexual torture, interracial love turned to horrific murder and the Catholic Church beating the sin out of the criminally insane. 

This Massachusetts Gothic features the evil Feng Shui-ed Briarcliff, a Tuberculosis home turned state asylum that draws the worst in people. 

The series opens in modern times as Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan-Tatum play honeymooners visiting the most haunted of American landmarks.  Their unbridled sexual escapes wake up the boogie monsters who promptly lure Levine to a laundry shoot, making off with his arm.

What happens to them is yet to be determined.

Cut to Briarcliff in the early 1960s, run by sadist and closet sensualist Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) who loves to crack a cane and berate the younger sisters, and lusts ever so for dreamy Monsignor Howard (Joseph Fiennes). She's already seduced him in her imagination, using her mad skills in the kitchen to make him want to dine with her. Coq au Vin? Mais oui!

Most frightening character for me is Dr. Arden (James Cromwell). Let's face it, Cromwell is a scary badass (forget 'Babe' Cromwell, I'm talking 'L.A. Confidential' time) who is experimenting on patients without anesthetic! And those 'Clockwork Orange' eye openers! Those scare the crap out of me just looking at them. He snapped the neck of his pet ferret for chrissakes!

I digress. Anyway, this premiere has scary monsters hiding in the woods who need raw human meat, and some fetching mentally damaged souls who waltzed out of Grotesque Central Casting.

Poor Sister Mary (Lily Rabe) gets stuck feeding the forest monsters, consoling the crazy patients, getting her ass whooped by Sister Jude and scraping and bowing to everyone who crosses her path.

I love Kit Walker (Evan Peters) who is committed as the serial killer Bloody Face, accused of decapitating and skinning women.  Dr. Arden removes a microchip bug from his neck. Is this an alien implant? I don't know! Damn you Ryan Murphy for confusing me while I cower with my blankie!

Lesbians! Awesome Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson) is an intrepid reporter who is trying to get inside Briarcliff and she quickly makes an enemy of Sister Jude. Our Sister Mary saves a snooping Lana while feeding the scary "things" that live in the woods and sound like rabid 'Walking Dead' extras.

Lana winds up being strapped to a bed - ostensibly to cure her of her homosexuality.

Sister Jude blackmails Lana's girlfriend Wendy (Clea DuVall) to commit Lana for treatment, which she does under duress. Chilling scene.

See you next week.