Smallscreen News

Louis C.K., Lolo Jones interviews on Leno (VIDEOS) UPDATE

By April MacIntyre Jun 26, 2012, 4:00 GMT

Louis C.K. - © Claudio Uema / PR Photos

Tune in for tonight as Louis C.K. calls Jay, “the weirdest looking person on the planet.”

Later, Olympian Lolo Jones talks about qualifying for the games in London, about possibly giving Tim Tebow a call and inviting him to church and about being a virgin.

 Delta Rae performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE MONDAY, JUNE 25, 2012

AS YOU KNOW; JERRY SANDUSKY FOUND GUILTY ON 45 COUNTS.  PENN STATE DID NOT RELEASE A STATEMENT ON THE SANDUSKY VERDICT.  AS USUAL, THEY ARE JUST GOING TO WAIT TEN YEARS BEFORE THEY SAY ANYTHING.  SO IT WILL BE AWHILE…  I’M WAY OUT OF LINE.  PLEASE.

HERE’S SOME GOOD NEWS; OIL PRICES HIT AN EIGHT MONTH LOW OVER THE WEEKEND.  NOW IT’S UNDER $80 A BARREL.  ACCORDING TO USA TODAY, GAS PRICES ARE EXPECTED TO DROP TO AROUND $3 A GALLON BY THIS FALL.  EXPERTS SAY THE PRICE DROP IS A RESULT OF A COMPLICATED PROCESS CALLED, “THE ELECTION.”

A GROUP OF GAY REPUBLICANS, CALLED GOPROUD HAVE ENDORSED MITT ROMNEY…GAY REPUBLICANS.  SEE, THERE WAS SOME CONFUSION WHEN THEY HEARD ROMNEY HAD A REPUTATION FOR GOING EITHER WAY, THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT MEANT FLIP FLOPPING.  THEY MUST BE CONFUSED.

HERE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, A WORKER AT A DEL TACO DRIVE-THRU WAS ARRESTED AFTER STABBING A CUSTOMER IN THE ABDOMEN WITH A KNIFE.  HERE'S THE AMAZING PART, THE KNIFE ACTUALLY DID LESS DAMAGE TO HIS STOMACH THAN THE FOOD AT DEL TACO.

NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH DEL TACO, DEL TACO IS AN OLD SPANISH WORD MEANING “TACO BELL IS CLOSED.”  SO THEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO DEL TACO…

DID YOU SEE THIS ON THE NEWS?  A GIRL IN KANSAS MADE A PROM DRESS OUT OF 42 ROLLS OF DUCT TAPE.  HEY GUYS, YOU THOUGHT UNDOING THAT LITTLE CLIP AT THE TOP OF A REGULAR DRESS WAS TOUGH?  TRY UNDOING 42 ROLLS OF DUCT TAPE.

POLICE IN ENGLAND WERE CALLED TO A HIGH SCHOOL AFTER HIGH SCHOOL OFFICIALS BECAME CONCERNED OVER A STUDENT WHO WAS STUDYING SO MUCH THAT HE REFUSED TO LEAVE THE SCHOOL LIBRARY.  THIS STUDENT WAS STUDYING SO HARD HE WOULDN’T LEAVE.  THANK GOD WE DON’T HAVE THOSE KIND OF HOOLIGANS IN THIS COUNTRY.  MAYBE A LITTLE TIME IN DETENTION GETTING DRILLED ON HOW TO TEXT OR HAVING SEX WITH THE TEACHER…THAT WILL STRAIGHTEN THE KID OUT.

DID YOU SEE THIS MOVIE?  “ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER” OPENED OVER THE WEEKEND. THEY DESCRIBED IT AS A REVISIONIST HISTORY OF ABE LINCOLN.  THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW OUR EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM REALLY SUCKS, OK.  WHEN YOU HAVE TO SPECIFICALLY TELL US IT'S REVISIONIST HISTORY.  LIKE KIDS ARE GOING, “WAIT A MINUTE; YOU MEAN HE WASN’T A VAMPIRE HUNTER?  AND THAT PART ABOUT HIM BEING PRESIDENT, WAS THAT FAKE TOO?”

ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY OF 30,000 WOMEN, 40% OF WOMEN UNDER THE AGE OF 30 HAVE HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND DURING A VACATION TRIP.  THIS RAISES TWO QUESTIONS—WHO ARE THESE WOMEN AND WHAT HOTEL ARE THEY STAYING AT…