Smallscreen News

Penelope Cruz, Pawn Stars' Harrison interviews from Leno (VIDEO)

By April MacIntyre Jun 16, 2012, 14:54 GMT

Rewind time from NBC:

Last night, Oscar-winning actress Penelope Cruz talks with Jay about taking her Oscar with her to the beach, working with Woody Allen and her favorite sex scene she has done.

 Later, Rick Harrison from “Pawn Stars” talks about how purchasing an official letter signed by Napoleon and eventually finding out it was a fake and his recent engagement.

We Are Augustines perform.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE THURSDAY, JUNE 14, 2012

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE L.A. KINGS; THEY HAD THEIR BIG VICTORY PARADE FOR WINNING THE STANLEY CUP.  OR AS WE CALL IT HERE IN L.A.:  EL CUPO DE STANLEY.

AT FIRST I THOUGHT THE FANS WERE SHOWERING THE KINGS WITH CONFETTI … TURNS OUT IT WAS JUST SHREDDED FINAL’S TICKETS FOR THE CLIPPERS AND THE LAKERS.

DID YOU SEE THE PARADE?  IT WAS A GREAT PARADE UNTIL LINDSAY LOHAN CRASHED A ZAMBONI INTO THE TEAM BUS.  IT JUST MARRED THE WHOLE THING.

THE U.S. ANTI-DOPING AGENCY HAS BROUGHT FORMAL CHARGES AGAINST LANCE ARMSTRONG.  ARMSTRONG RESPONDED THAT THE CHARGES ARE FALSE AND THAT HE’S PASSED OVER 500 DRUG TESTS IN HIS LIFE.  FIVE HUNDRED DRUG TEST; SHOULDN’T THAT BE ENOUGH?  EVEN PRESIDENT OBAMA CAN’T PASS FIVE HUNDRED DRUG TESTS.

FEDERAL PROSECUTORS ALSO ANNOUNCED THEY ARE DROPPING ALL CHARGES AGAINST JOHN EDWARDS. SO LADIES, HE IS AVAILABLE!

CHARGES AGAINST JOHN EDWARDS HAVE BEEN DROPPED; CHARGES AGAINST LANCE ARMSTRONG HAVE BEEN REINSTATED…  SO LETS CLARIFY – IT'S OK TO CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE AND USE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN CAMPAIGN FUNDS TO COVER IT UP, BUT GOD HELP YOU IF YOU'RE AN AMERICAN WHO WINS A BICYCLE RACE IN FRANCE.  YOU ARE SCREWED.

I MENTIONED THIS LAST NIGHT; ACCORDING TO GLAMOUR MAGAZINE, 27% OF MEN SAID THEY WOULD RATHER HAVE ORAL SEX THAN GET A PAY RAISE. THE OTHER 73% SAID THEY WOULD TAKE THE PAY RAISE MONEY AND USE IT TO GET MORE ORAL SEX.  IT ALL BALANCES OUT.

THE OCTOMOM HAS CANCELED HER APPEARANCE AT A FLORIDA STRIP CLUB BECAUSE SHE SAID THE CLUB'S STAFF WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO HER.  BELIEVE ME, IF THERE'S ONE PLACE YOU EXPECT WOMEN TO BE RESPECTED, IT'S A STRIP CLUB . . .WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

FOR HIS 35TH  BIRTHDAY, KIM KARDASHIAN BOUGHT KAYNE WEST A $750,000 LAMBORGHINI.  BELIEVE ME, THIS THING CAN REALLY HAUL ASS…  WHICH IS PROBABLY…I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO FINISH THE JOKE.