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Jersey Shore mystery: How Snooki became a sought-after siren

By April MacIntyre Sep 30, 2011, 14:03 GMT

Sexy! - Nicole Polizzi - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi Hosts Epic Saturdays at The Pool After Dark Nightclub at Harrah\'s Resort in Atlantic City on September 24, 2011 - The Pool After Dark Nightclub at Harrah\'s Resort - Atlantic City, NJ, USA © Paul Froggatt / PR Photos

She's freakishly short, unnaturally orange, and her features are not in the classic beauty list of what one would look for in assessing a true looker.

Duck lipped, round eyes and too much makeup, a permanently greasy face from eating fried pickles and swilling gin, large pores and blotchy skintone, can someone please explain the siren lure of the usually inebriated, half-Chilean, fall-down clown of MTV's "Jersey Shore"?

Vinnie and the Situation are now vying for her attention after Jionni took a powder.

Watching Snooki flash her snatch on the dance floors of Florence - only to have Jionni bail  - which made our little future 12-stepper wail was like watching a demented film student homage to Fellini.

Snooki has only added to the perceived notion of the ugly American as unwary Italians observe the sotted squatty clubrat crying in a Corona, bemoaning love and life.

JWoww, Snooki and Deena are covered in bruises and wallowing in badly thought out rationalizations and denial. Jionni was the smart one, he said arrivederci to Italia and took the next train out.

Bronzer rivulets galore as tears and gnashing of teeth are spilled over Jionni, his leaving and the fact egomaniac Snooki wanted to draw first blood, the girls, in their finest contusions and false eyelashes and freshly reapplied orange skintint, head to  the train station.

All the tediousness that comes from watching two mismatched people dissolve an ill informed sexual relationship is the order of the day as Snooki and Jionni breakup some more, followed by calls between the two, and further discussions with the Witches coven of the Garden State who label Jionni all sort of predictable names.

Deena is not pregnant, and for this we can thank the Roman Gods she isn't procreating any time soon.

So Snooki is single, and that means party time! Pauly pulls out his DJ equipment and the Situation gets his feel on with Snooki, and tells her he was planning to kick Jionni in the head.

Yet with all this impressive wooing from Sitch, Snooki fingers the always confused Ronnie for the Situation wanting to fight Jionni. Snooki remedies this "situation" by climbing in bed with Vinny.  At this point, I am reminded why I refuse to recap this show on a weekly basis and need to take a shower.