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Roseanne Barr, Jason Momoa interviews on Leno (VIDEO)

By April MacIntyre Aug 5, 2011, 6:15 GMT

You are so very welcome - Jason Momoa - "Conan the Barbarian" Madrid Photocall - Villamagna Hotel - Madrid, Spain © Solarpix / PR Photos

Tonight Roseanne Barr tells Jay Leno that she is running for President of the United States and "Conan The Barbarian" and "Game of Thrones" Khal Drogo, Jason Momoa, talks about cord cutting by not having a TV, cell phone or computer. Lykke Li performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PRESIDENT OBAMA; FIFTY YEARS OLD TODAY.  FIFTY!  IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE JUST A YEAR AGO HE WAS IN HIS 40’S AND HIS APPROVAL RATE WAS IN THE 50’S.  NOW IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

THERE WAS NO BIRTHDAY PARTY…OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT THEY TOLD JOE BIDEN.

ACTUALLY THEY HAD A NICE PARTY FOR HIM IN CHICAGO.  BIG PARTY.  IT WAS KIND OF IRONIC AT THE PARTY; THE RICHEST 1% OF THE GUESTS TOOK 42% OF THE CAKE.  THAT WAS KIND OF INTERESTING.

BECAUSE IT’S THE BIG 5-0, THE WHITE HOUSE RELEASED HIS VITAL NUMBERS:  THEY SAY HIS CHOLESTEROL IS 209, BLOOD PRESSURE 105 OVER 62, BUT THE NUMBER THAT IS REALLY GOING TO KILL HIM?  UNEMPLOYMENT 9.4%.  THAT’S THE BAD ONE.

LISTEN TO THIS; THEY SAY BECAUSE OF OUR NATIONAL DEBT EVERY CHILD BORN IN THIS COUNTRY OWES $50,000.  CHINA HAD A MESSAGE FOR THOSE KIDS, “WE’RE HIRING!  COME ON DOWN!  MAKE SNEAKERS.”

A 53 YEAR OLD NEW JERSEY PUBLIC OFFICIAL NAMED LOU MAGAZZU HAS RESIGNED AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT SENDING NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF TO A WOMAN HE MET ONLINE.  WHAT COULD POSSIBLE GO WRONG THERE?  IF ONLY THIS HAD HAPPENED TO ANOTHER DEMOCRAT RECENTLY, THEN IT MAY HAVE SERVED AS A WARNING TO OTHERS.  BUT NO…

OF COURSE, IN AMERICA WE LOVE TO REWARD THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR; IT’S BEING RUMORED THAT FORMER CONGRESSMAN ANTHONY WEINER, THE PETER TWEETER…YOU KNOW THAT GUY…THEY ARE CONSIDERING HIM AS A CONTESTANT ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS."  WELL THE PRODUCERS HAVEN'T TOLD HIM ONE WAY OR THE OTHER WHETHER HE’S GOING TO GET THE JOB.  ANTHONY WEINER IS NOT THE KIND OF GUY YOU WANT TO LEAVE DANGLING.  YOU DON’T WANT OT HAVE THAT.

I MENTIONED THIS LAST NIGHT; IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA POLICE SHUT DOWN A FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL'S LEMONADE STAND, BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE NECESSARY LICENSES AND PERMITS. SHE’S FOUR!  WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY -- "WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONADE, BE SURE TO FILL OUT FORM 403-B AND SUBMIT IT TO THE STATE BOARD OF EQUALIZATION."

HERE’S MY THING; THEY SHUT HER DOWN BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE NECESSARY LICENSES AND PERMITS.  NEITHER DO THE PEOPLE WHO PICKED THE LEMONS, BUT NOBODY BOTHERED THEM.

THE FBI HAS FINALLY REVEALED THE IDENTITY OF FAMED HIJACKER D.B. COOPER.  THEY SAY HIS REAL NAME IS "L.D. COOPER."  HE CHANGED THE LETTERS.  SEE, HE’S NOT THE FIRST ONE TO DO THIS.  IN FACT, BONNIE AND CLYDE ELUDED CAPTURE FOR YEARS BY CALLING THEMSELVES "CLYDE AND BONNIE."

RESEARCHERS AT YESHIVA UNIVERSITY IN NEW YORK SAY "DIETING FORCES THE BRAIN TO EAT ITSELF".  BRAIN CELLS ACTUALLY BEGIN TO EAT THEMSELVES AS A LAST-DITCH SOURCE OF ENERGY.

SEE, THAT'S WHY THESE SUPERMODELS ARE SO DUMB.   THEIR LAST MEAL WAS THEIR BRAIN.

THIS MIGHT SURPRISE YOU; ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY PEOPLE IN THEIR 40'S ARE HAPPIER WITH THEIR SEX LIVES THAN PEOPLE IN THEIR 20'S. ESPECIALLY IF THEIR IN THEIR 40'S AND THEIR HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE IN THEIR 20'S.  THOSE ARE THE HAPPIEST.