Posted by April MacIntyre Jul 23, 2011, 3:09 GMT
NBC fired over the clip for Dolly Parton tells Jay how she lost a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest and also performs.
01/19/2011 - Dolly Parton - "9 to 5 The Musical" Chicago Premiere - Dolly Parton Day - The Bank of America Theatre - Chicago, IL, USA © Daniel Locke / PR Photos
JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2011
HAPPY TGIF EVERYBODY; TGIF STANDS FOR “THE GROUND IS FRYING.”
OH MAN, THOSE FOLKS BACK EAST…THIS HEAT WAVE HAS PUT SUCH A STRAIN ON ELECTRICITY USE, ON THE EAST COAST THEY ARE HAVING MORE ROLLING BLACKOUTS THAN DAVID HASSELHOFF.
IT WAS SO HOT IN IOWA MICHELE BACHMANN COULDN’T TELL IF HER HEADACHE WAS A MIGRAINE OR A BRAIN FREEZE FROM HER SLURPEE. SHE WASN’T SURE.
IT WAS SO HOT IN BARSTOW; EVEN TRAILERS WITHOUT METH LABS WERE EXPLODING. THAT’S HOW HOT…
REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JON HUNTSMAN HAS FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER, WHICH IS KIND OF SAD BECAUSE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO KNEW HUNTSMAN WAS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT WAS THE CAMPAIGN MANAGER. I WAS KIND OF SAD TO SEE THAT HAPPEN.
FORMER CONGRESSMAN ANTHONY WEINER, REMEMBER HIM THE PETER TWEETER? YOU ALL KNOW HIM… HE IS NOW GETTING TREATMENT…ALONG WITH EVERY OTHER GUY IN AMERICA. ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK POST, ANTHONY WEINER SAID THAT HE NOT ONLY HAS TO WORRY ABOUT HIS WIFE, BUT HE ALSO HAS TO WORRY ABOUT HIS WIFE’S BOSS, WHO IS HILLARY CLINTON. HE HAS TO CONVINCE HILLARY CLINTON THAT HE'S CURED. TO WHICH BILL SAID, "HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT."
I MENTIONED THIS THE OTHER NIGHT; THE FAA HAS ORDERED A HELICOPTER PILOT, WHO RUNS HIS OWN ONE MAN CHARTER COMPANY. HE’S THE ONLY GUY IN THE WHOLE COMPANY. HE HAS TO GIVE HIMSELF RANDOM, SURPRISE DRUG TESTS. THIS IS TRUE. SINCE HE'S THE PILOT HE HAS TO GIVE HIMSELF THESE SURPRISE TEST. TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T CHEAT HE HAS TO WATCH HIMSELF PEE INTO THE LITTLE CUP…JUST TO MAKE SURE…
IN CHINA THEY SAY PIRACY IS SO RAMPANT THERE ARE AT LEAST THREE FAKE APPLE STORES. HAVE YOU HEARD THIS STORY? THESE FAKE APPLE STORES OPENED UP IN CHINA…THEY DON’T REPRESENT APPLE AT ALL. IT’S HARD TO PUT THESE PEOPLE OUT OF THE BUSINESS. IF CHINA ARRESTS THEM FOR SELLING FAKE APPLE PRODUCTS, THEY'LL BE SENT TO PRISON WHERE THEY WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE REAL APPLE PRODUCTS. IT’S A VERY TRICKY SITUATION.
WHEN ASKED HER OPINION OF PROCESSED FOODS IN AN "US WEEKLY" INTERVIEW, ACTRESS GWYNETH PALTROW SAID, "I'D RATHER SMOKE CRACK THAN EAT CHEESE FROM A CAN". TO WHICH AMY WINEHOUSE SAID, "WHY CAN'T WE DO BOTH?"
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