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'Damages' star Rose Byrne interview on Leno (VIDEO)

By April MacIntyre Jul 14, 2011, 1:32 GMT

06/29/2011 - Chris Messina, Rose Byrne, Glenn Close and John Goodman - "Damages" Season Four Premiere - Arrivals - The Paris Theater - New York City, NY, USA © Charles Norfleet / PR Photos

On Jay Leno tonight, Craig Ferguson gives "Damages" star Rose Byrne a lap dance and "American Idol" star David Cook performs.

"Damages" returns for its fourth season this Wednesday at 10/9c — exclusively on DirecTV.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2011

AS YOU KNOW, JUST A COUPLE MORE DAYS THEY ARE GOING TO CLOSE THE FREEWAY AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE ON THE 405. AS OPPOSED TO WHEN IT'S OPEN AND YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE ON THE 405.

HEY HOW ABOUT THIS?  CONGRATULATIONS TO THE U.S.A. WOMEN'S SOCCER TEAM!  THEY ADVANCED TO THE WORLD CUP FINALS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWELVE YEARS, BEATING THE FRENCH 3-1.  THAT WAS PRETTY EXCITING.  I TELL YOU SOMETHING; THAT MATCH AGAINST THE FRENCH WOMEN WAS A LOT HAIRIER THEN THE ONE AGAINST THE BRAZILIANS.  THOSE BRAZILIANS…

MY STAFF WAS REALLY INTO IT.  FOR THREE HOURS TODAY THEY ACTUALLY STOPPED PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS, AND WATCHED THE MATCH.

THERE’S NOW A REPORT THAT THERE ARE GROWING NUMBER OF AMERICANS WORTH $1 MILLION. THE BAD NEWS—LAST YEAR THEY WERE WORTH $5 MILLION.

WE'RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE COUNTRY GOING INTO DEFAULT. WE COULD BE OUT OF MONEY BY AUGUST 2ND.   HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE SURPRISED BY THAT? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE SURPRISED WE STILL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE IT UNTIL AUGUST 2ND?

DID YOU HEAR OBAMAS LATEST PLAN?  I DON’T THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK.  TODAY HE ORDERED TREASURY SECRETARY TIMOTHY GEITHNER TO TAKE WHAT LITTLE MONEY WE HAVE LEFT AND BUY LOTTERY TICKETS.  I DON’T THINK THAT EVER WORKS…

I TELL YOU RICKEY, THE ECONOMY IS BAD, IT’S BAD.  I DROVE BY JACK IN THE BOX THIS MORNING AND JACK WAS SLEEPING IN THE BOX.  THAT’S HOW BAD.

I’LL TELL YOU HOW BAD IT IS; GUYS ARE GOING TO STRIP CLUBS NOW AND HAVING TO GIVE LAP DANCES TO EACH OTHER.  THAT’S HOW BAD.

HOW BIZARRE IS THIS?  RESEARCHER IN JAPAN HAVE DISCOVERED A SPECIES OF SNAILS THAT MIGRATE BY LETTING THEMSELVES BE EATEN BY BIRDS, FLOWN SOMEWHERE AND THEN DEFECATED OUT. THE SNAILS SAY IT’S STILL MORE PLEASANT THAN FLYING SOUTHWEST.

A DUTCH TV HOST WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL, AFTER A CONTESTANT RAN OVER HIM DURING THE FILMING OF THE TV SHOW "WHO'S THE WORST DRIVER IN THE NETHERLANDS".  THE BAD NEWS; THE HOST DID HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL.  THE GOOD NEWS?  THEY FOUND A WINNER FOR THEIR SHOW!