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Celebrity Apprentice: Mark McGrath keelhauled by Busey's selective memory, thoughts

By April MacIntyre Apr 11, 2011, 6:06 GMT

03/19/2011 - Mark McGrath - © PRN / PR Photos

We should all have the cojones that actor Gary Busey swings around. Damn the B-roll and recorded audio of Busey pitching himself shamelessly to the Australian Gold executives, he simply did not do it!

Before we dissect the pathos of Busey's passive-aggressive, crazy like a fox, manic-moderate switch-hitting oily preacher personality, the night's task at hand was to come up with an out-of-the-box ad campaign for Australian Gold that capitalized on the Aussie Koala mascot and key words that represented the Australian Gold tanning line, according to their executives.

With the teams winnowed to the savvy chess players who are in the know (Star, John, Marlee, Lil Jon, McGrath) to the helpless, hapless, cardboard cut outs that are left (Hope, Gary, Meat Loaf, NeNe, LaToya).

The results are that we get a heaping spoonful of side-eyes and head shakes as the hapless and the chess player celebs unite to set decorate a "scene" to entice passerbys on the dock to try the Aussie Gold product.

Team A.S.A.P. gets La Toya as team leader, hell bent to do this.

La Toya is like that person you had on your high school science class team for a group project who came up with grandiose ideas and then sat back, checked out and peeled off a Charleston Chew, letting everyone figure out how the hell to pull it off. (Yes, Janet Santarpino, I am talking about you).

Okay well, La Toya envisions sand. A lot of it. 6,000 lbs. of it. And then she turns Hope from a potential bikini babe (Hope made her bones nekkid in Playboy as a Playmate of the Year) to not wearing anything remotely revealing.

But the Fredo kiss of death comes from reality TV star NeNe, who was made to sweat her pancake makeup off into a high mineral oil shine while inside of a Koala costume. NeNe makes a break for Trump Jr. and fills his ear with her take on the game. Can you imagine what she would have laid on him if his dad's Obama "birther" argument was in the news at the time of this taping?

Okay, Team Backbone has Mark McGrath lead the charge, and he fixates on the word "treasure" and then paints a pirate picture, forgetting the "gold lifestyle" and Koala mascot. Busey is revealed to have gamey breath. They let him whack on a box to antique it a bit and Gary finds his groove, for a moment.

But the day of the installation, it is Gary Busey who completely undermines McGrath's chances as he breathes his gamey breath talking about sexual feelings (yes, you did Gary) and then relentlessly pitching himself (I think he forgot the camera was there) to be a spokesperson for their product!

Now I know there's a huge famewhore element to this show, and it is NOT all about "the charities."  These people live and die by staying in the mix and on the air.  Fame for fame's sake. Busey is like that guy who talks to a girl at a party and is constantly looking over her shoulder to see if something hotter strolled in.

Busey hits the Aussie Gold execs with his creepy preacher salesman blather and it was cringeworthy, and then of course, Busey played the angel and team player in the boardroom, and everyone has had a cud full of him at this point.

Donald Jr. hates him, and Lil Jon and John Rich both are ready to throttle him. But it is Meat Loaf once again whose emotional state is so fragile, that I worry for his ticker or that he will stroke out. He's way too emotional. McGrath is just straight-up tired of Busey and says the best line, "why don't you take a big swim in Lake You, Gary," as they await their fates outside the boardroom.

Best part of the women's drama? Back in the team A.S.A.P. champagne room, NeNe reads the riot act to La Toya, and it goes something like this:

"I worked my ass off while you sat there and were like Casper the Ghost. OK?"

It got better.  "Let's be clear, Casper. You have fooled a lot of people, but you have not fooled me."

The wallop came when NeNe smacked her up over her age and family: "The only reason you have gotten this far is because of your last name...You are very old and you need to play your age, and not 12. You are an old lady."

Harsh NeNe, harsh. Aren't you the Real Housewife Grandma that allegedly filed for bankruptcy with your then husband, and then he demanded spousal support from you? And that you were also a stripper? And aren't you really 43? Not too far from La Toya in age? 

Well, next week I think Lil Jon is going to snap the hardest at Busey, just a feeling. What did you think of this hot Golden mess?