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Celebrity Apprentice: Lil Jon surprises, Warwick off to San Jose, some thoughts

By April MacIntyre Mar 28, 2011, 15:47 GMT

03/05/2011 - Lil Jon - "Celebrity Apprentice" Season Premiere Cast Party at Surrender Nightclub in Las Vegas on March 5, 2011 - Surrender Nightclub at Encore Las Vegas - Las Vegas, NV, USA © PRN / PR Photos

The sisters are doing it to themselves it seems. All evidence points to the personality and character defects that this year's women's team possesses.

The men, with some stand out stinkers like Richard Hatch, the wildly manic Gary Busey, who flickers in and out of lucidity, MeatLoaf who seems to be on the edge of his 19th nervous breakdown and Jose Canseco, who acts the most obtuse of the lot, are at least trying to work together.

Last night the belle of the ball, Dionne Warwick, was finally released from the weekly torture known as this season's Celebrity Apprentice.  People fawn over the pop singer likes she's Etta James, Billie Holiday or Sarah Vaughan.  Undoubtedly she sang some great pop hits in the 1960s and 70s.  Bloggers and young reporters bandy "legend and iconic" superlatives too easily and without thought or knowledgeable context. Trump called it right on the nose, Warwick's chip on her shoulder and imperious nature did her in. The camera doesn't lie, and caught the essence of La Warwick perfectly.  The cranky tax scofflaw who allegedly bilked people out of money with the dubious Psychic Network was sent packing.   

Let's discuss.

The veneer is worn thin as the "celebrities" are starting to crack. Next week is going to be MeatLoaf as Eddie from "Rocky Horror Picture Show," so we have that to look forward to.

Team Backbone choose Lil Jon as their project manager. They decide to go for laughs and shock value, with a hilarious commercial of a young man calling his Grandpa Gary Busey and introducing his fiance, a boy (Jose Canseco, given one line, mercifully) still considered shocking by Trump in this day and age of "Glee" boys kissing passionately on primetime TV.  Canseco actually expressed worry that his dad seeing this may have an attack of the old man Latino vapors. Hatch just sits in a corner dripping venom, curled and poised to strike like the missing King Cobra from the Bronx zoo.

Of course, my Dixie Mafia suspect (kidding) John Rich is not at all comfortable with this gay storyline but Lil Jon believes in its "viral" qualities, so we go gay.

Team ASAP choose NeNe to be their project manager. The team goes for the heart in their ad.  So our champion strategist, Star, supports NeNe, because she knows NeNe is easy pickings to eliminate down the line.  Marlee plays the part of Niki Taylor from the first episode, the "hard worker who did no wrong." 

Hope pulls a Richard Hatch and lays low to the point of invisible.  Like the classic movie "Christmas Story," Hope plays the Randy part, inert and low key, to keep from getting a beating from yellow-eyed Scut Farkus, and it's working for her so far.  

La Toya tells NeNe that her eyes aren't working and some medicine problems and the side eyes begin.  Then Dionne whistles "Do You Know the Way To San Jose" and exits stage right while the others are working, cue the bitchfest.  Star then gives NeNe the lady lawyer rap that she is too sexy in her "Ladies and Gentlemen" speech and NeNe, the lady she is, talks with a mouth full of food back at La Star that she isn't all about 'uh huh' hip-roll, eye bat, boob thrust, and makes her point succinctly. Star's, that is.

So, after the presentations, it goes down to the wire:  53 voted for one team, while 47 voted for the other.

Lil Jon, who was teased to no end by comedian Dave Chappelle in some great skits from his TV series, did a bang up job as the men present the funniest video, and it wins, despite the worries about how gay it was.

As the men are talking, NeNe breaks down in tears because she knows they lost! Trump pushes her buttons harder and more waterworks. The the cats come out to play.

La Toya is called out for her tit on bull qualities, Hope is slagged for lacking any talent and Dionne is finally laid into for being a pain in the neck egomaniacal Albatross to the team.  She tells Trump to fire her! Guess what? He does! Then she wants to retract after Star shames her! 

Star is focused like my dog in extracting a treat with his wily ways whenever I go the kitchen, and has had just about enough of this quitting business on the women's team.  Star is apoplectic that Warwick folded like a house of cards without at fight.  Star is going to totally win this thing if Hatch doesn't bite her and inject his King Cobra venom.

But wait, the delicious by product of Warwick's swan song was made even more tasty by NeNe trying to be nice to Dionne who isn't having any of these women console her.  Dionne calls her a coward and a liar.  "Let's not do this now."  Apparently the Psychic Hotline failed Warwick once again.

What did you think?