Smallscreen News

The Situation, Latifah and Lakers' Farmar on Jay, 6/22 monologue too

By April MacIntyre Jun 23, 2010, 2:18 GMT

US singer Queen Latifah arrives on the red carpet for the 82nd Academy Awards at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California, USA, 07 March 2010. The Academy Awards honor excellence in cinema. EPA/ANDREW GOMBERT

Queen Latifah goes one on one with Lakers Jordan Farmar and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino talks abs and acne.  Robert Randolf performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS  TUESDAY, JUNE 22, 2010

IT’S ALSO TWO DAYS SINCE FATHER’S DAY.  SO JOHN EDWARDS, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.  IT’S SAFE.  COME OUT NOW.  NO PROBLEM.

YESTERDAY WE HAD THE BIG LAKER PARADE HERE IN LOS ANGELES.  OR AS THE SPANISH CALL IT; SINKO DE CELTICS.

SOME SAD NEWS: THE BACHELOR COUPLE, JAKE AND VIENNA HAVE BROKEN UP.   THE REASON GIVEN:  IRRECONCILABLE SHALLOWNESS.

SARAH PALIN HAS ADMITTED THAT SHE TRIED MARIJUANA SEVERAL YEARS AGO, BUT SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT:  SHE SAID IT DISTORTED HER PERCEPTIONS AND IMPAIRED HER THINKING, AND SHE'S HOPING THAT THE AFFECTS WILL EVENTUALLY, ONE DAY, WEAR OFF.

ECONOMISTS PREDICT BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, CHINA WILL OVERTAKE THE UNITED STATES AS THE #1 COUNTRY IN MANUFACTURING.  YOU KNOW SOMETHING; WE HAVE ONLY OURSELVES TO BLAME FOR THIS.  WHAT WERE WE THINKING, MAKING OUR KIDS GO TO SCHOOL?  WHAT IDIOTS WE ARE.  CHILD LABOR, THAT’S THE KEY.

A COMPANY IS NOW SELLING A CELL PHONE THAT COSTS $70,000.  THE PHONE IS COVERED WITH SAPPHIRES, PLATINUM, AND RUBIES.   IT’S A "SMART PHONE".   OF COURSE, IF YOU BUY ONE, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.  

IT WAS THIS WEEK IN 1664 THAT NEW JERSEY WAS FOUNDED BY AN ENGLISH FLEET UNDER THE COMMAND OF COLONEL RICHARD NICOLLS. I'M SORRY, HIS ACTUAL NAME WAS RICHARD, "THE SITUATION" NICOLLS.  NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM NEW JERSEY…

THE REPUBLICAN LEGISLATURE OF MISSOURI HAS RECENTLY PASSED A BILL THAT WOULD NO LONGER ALLOW WOMEN TO DANCE NAKED FOR MONEY AT STRIP CLUBS.  COME ON!  MISSOURI IS THE “SHOW ME STATE” ISN’T IT?  WHAT IS THAT?

MORE AND MORE SENIORS ARE GETTING INTO SEXTING -- SENDING EACH OTHER SEXY TEXT MESSAGES OR PICTURES.  HOW MANY HERE WOULD BE SHOCKED IF YOU FOUND OUT YOUR GRANDPARENTS WERE SEXTING?  HOW MANY WOULD BE MORE SHOCKED IF THEY FOUND OUT YOUR GRANDPARENTS KNEW HOW TO USE A CELL PHONE?

SENIORS SEXTING?  YOU THOUGHT GRANDMA WAS DRIVING SLOW BEFORE.

REMEMBER THAT INDONESIAN TWO-YEAR-OLD THAT WAS SMOKING 40 CIGARETTES A DAY? THE GOOD NEWS? HE'S DOWN TO TEN SMOKES A DAY. THE BAD NEWS? HE ONLY SMOKES WHEN HE DRINKS.  SO THAT’S BAD.

THE FDA SAYS THIS NEW "FEMALE VIAGRA" PILL WAS NOT AS EFFECTIVE AS FIRST THOUGHT.  IN FACT, THE ONLY WAY IT WORKS NOW IS IF THE WOMAN TAKES IT WITH A GLASS OF WINE, AT GEORGE CLOONEY'S HOUSE.  THAT’S THE ONLY WAY…

AMY WINEHOUSE ENDED THINGS WITH HER HUSBAND AND NOW IS DATING SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T DO DRUGS. APPARENTLY, SHE GOT TIRED OF SHARING.