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Kathy Griffin, Paula Deen full video clips for Tonight Show May 26

By April MacIntyre May 27, 2010, 17:29 GMT

05/12/2010 - Kathy Griffin - An Evening With NBC/Universal Cable Shows 2010 - Arrivals - Universal Studios - Universal City, CA. USA © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos

Jay Leno welcomed Kathy Griffin and Paula Deen last night on the Tonight Show.

Griffin talks about her life on the D-list and why Kate Gosselin was a natural dancer and should have won Dancing with the Stars, and Paula Deen whips up a heart-stopper treat the kitchen.  Hanson performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS WEDNESDAY, MAY 26, 2010

THERE IS HOPE; EARLIER TODAY BRITISH PETROLEUM BEGAN THE OPERATION KNOWN AS "TOP KILL" AND THEY ARE SHOWING IT LIVE ON TV. DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. I'M TIVOING IT. THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE CALLING IT, OPERATION TOP KILL. THIS COMES ON THE HEELS OF THEIR PREVIOUS OPERATIONS OF "FISH KILL" AND "BIRD KILL."

ACCORDING TO A WHITE HOUSE REPORTS, PRESIDENT OBAMA IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE FRUSTRATED BY THIS WHOLE OIL LEAK THING. HE LOST HIS TEMPER. HE REPORTEDLY YELLED AT PEOPLE, “PLUG THE DAMN HOLE.” THAT’S THE SAME THING HE SAYS WHENEVER JOE BIDEN STARTS TALKING.

PRESIDENT OBAMA ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY PLANS TO SEND 1,200 TROOPS TO THE U.S.-MEXICO BORDER. YOU KNOW WHO WE SHOULD HIRE TO PROTECT OUR BORDERS? MEXICANS. THEY WANT JOBS! THEY'RE THERE ALREADY. DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING? USE YOUR HEAD. THEY ARE ALREADY THERE.

HERE IS SOMETHING INTERESTING. THE NBA HAS GIVEN ITS APPROVAL TO PUT EDIBLE TEAM LOGOS ON FOOD ITEMS, LIKE CAKES. HERE'S MY QUESTION; IF YOU EAT SOMETHING THAT HAS THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS LOGO ON IT, ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO CHOKE. YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.

KEV. SAYS, “WOULDN’T THAT BE THE LAKERS?”

LINDSAY LOHAN’S ATTORNEY IS CONCERNED THAT THE ALCOHOL-MONITORING BRACELET ON HER ANKLE CAN RUIN THE FILMING OF HER UPCOMING MOVIE, WHERE SHE PLAYS LINDA LOVELACE. THIS IS TRUE. I GUESS LINDSAY’S CONCERNED THAT SINCE SHE’S PLAYING A PORN STAR SHE’S WORRIED THAT THE ANKLE BRACELET WILL KEEP GETTING CAUGHT ON HER EARRINGS.

I SPOKE TO MY STOCK BROKER TODAY. I SAID, “JUMP YOU BASTARD!”

A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT VIAGRA MAY BE LINKED TO HEARING LOSS. YOU CAN STILL HAVE SEX, BUT YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PARTNER AFTERWARDS. IS THERE NO END TO THIS WONDER DRUG WHAT AN AMAZING DRUG THIS IS. IT’S LIKE A MIRACLE.

A MAN HAS BEEN ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH SEXUALLY ASSAULTING A FEMALE PASSENGER ON A CONTINENTAL FLIGHT AFTER WITNESSES WATCHED HIM PUT HIS HAND UNDER HER BLANKET WHILE SHE SLEPT. ISN’T THAT UNBELIEVABLE; SOMEBODY ON A FLIGHT GOT A BLANKET? WHAT AIRLINE WAS THAT? WHEN WAS THIS, 1958? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY FROM RIGHT HERE IN CALIFORNIA NAMED JORDAN ROMERO IS THE YOUNGEST PERSON TO CLIMB MT. EVEREST. THE FIRST THING HE DID WHEN HE GOT TO THE TOP OF MT. EVEREST WAS CALL HIS MOM. ISN’T THAT AMAZING? I CAN'T EVEN GET ACROSS THE VALLEY WITH MY CELL PHONE. HOW DOES THIS KID CALL…WHAT CALLING PLAN DOES HE HAVE?

A MASSACHUSETTS MAN WAS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL THIS WEEK AFTER BEING SUCKED INTO A SAUSAGE-MAKING MACHINE. YOU TALK ABOUT A MANWICH. OH MY GOD!

TONIGHT SHOW

Kathy Griffin Part 1: Kathy Griffin talks celebrity gossip, dating Levi Johnston and judging toddler beauty pageants.

Kathy Griffin continued Part 2: Kathy Griffin talks public pap smear and vagazzling.

Paula Deen Part 1: Paula Deen makes an Italian Cream Cake with Jay.

Paula Deen continued Part 2: Paula Deen makes an Italian Cream Cake with Jay.

Kevin Eubanks Jay gets Kevin a fantasy hook-up.