Smallscreen News

Joy Behar interview on Leno, Glenn Beck in crosshairs

By April MacIntyre Mar 31, 2010, 16:33 GMT

03/13/2010 - Joy Behar - 21st Annual GLAAD Media Awards - Arrivals - The New York Marriott Marquis - New York City, NY, USA © Jill Bednar / PR Photos

Jay Leno hosted Joy Behar last night, who had some choice words for Glenn Beck and actor Thomas Haden Church stops by.  Shooter Jennings also performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE for TUESDAY, MARCH 30, 2010

·        HAPPY PASSOVER, EVERYBODY!  SPEAKING OF THAT, AS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD, VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN DID IT AGAIN.  HE SHOWED UP AT THE WHITE HOUSE SEDER LAST WITH A BUNCH OF HAM SANDWICHES. 

·        RICKY MARTIN ANNOUNCED THAT HE IS GAY.  APPARENTLY HE WAS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW.

·        THE OTHER BIG STORY IN THE NEWS, IS THAT WHOLE POLICY OF "DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL." BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE VATICAN.

·        ACCORDING TO NEWSWEEK, THE FBI NOW SAYS THAT OSAMA BIN LADEN IS HEALTHY AND GIVING THE ORDERS FOR AL-QAEDA. THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID, BIN LADEN IS ALIVE AND HEALTHY. TODAY THE REPUBLICANS BLAMED IT ON THE NEW HEALTHCARE BILL.

·        FIRST LADY MICHELE OBAMA ATTENDED THE KID'S CHOICE AWARDS OVER THE WEEKEND. I DON'T THINK THE PRESIDENT HAS EVER SEEN THE SHOW. LIKE WHEN SHE GOT HOME, THE PRESIDENT ASKED MICHELE HOW IT WENT AND SHE SAID THERE WAS A LOT OF SLIME. AND PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID, "FOX NEWS WAS THERE?"

·        HERE’S MY FAVORITE STORY.  THE CHAIRMAN OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE, MICHAEL STEELE, IS NOW IN TROUBLE FOR DROPPING OVER  $2000 DOLLARS FOR STAFFERS AT A TOPLESS BONDAGE THEMED NIGHT CLUB RIGHT HERE IN HOLLYWOOD.  APPARENTLY THIS IS THE REPUBLICAN VERSION OF A STIMULUS PLAN.

·        WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE REPUBLICANS?  THE HEAD GUY IS SPENDING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO WATCH TOPLESS DANCERS IMITATING LESBIAN SEX.  DAVID VITTER, REMEMBER HIM? HE PAID FOR HOOKERS.  MARK STANFORD HAD A MISTRESS DOWN IN ARGENTINA.  CONSERVATIVES ARE STARTING TO LOOK BACK AT SENATOR LARRY CRAIG’S AFFAIR IN THE MEN'S ROOM AS “THE GOOD OLD DAYS.”  THAT WAS A SIMPLER TIME.  YOU WENT INTO THE MEN’S ROOM AND CAME BACK OUT.  WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE DAYS?

·        SCIENTISTS IN SWITZERLAND SAY THEY'VE SMASHED TWO PROTON BEAMS AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF ENERGY EVER RECORDED.  WHAT THEY DID WAS, THEY ATTACHED THE PROTON BEAMS TO THE FRONT OF TWO TOYOTA PRIUSES . . .

    * ARCHEOLOGISTS IN EGYPT HAVE FOUND A 3500 YEAR OLD LARGE RED GRANITE DOOR IN A TOMB THAT THEY SAY WAS A DOOR TO THE AFTERLIFE. IN FACT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FOUND ON THE OTHER SIDE. SYRACUSE AND KANSAS STATE.

    * POLICE IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA ARE ON THE LOOK-OUT FOR A WOMAN WHO MAKES SEXUAL ADVANCES TOWARD MEN, GETS INVITED TO THEIR HOMES, HAS SEX WITH THESE MEN, THEN ROBS THEM.  ONE GUYS IS PRESSING CHARGES -- THE OTHERS 15 WANT A SECOND DATE

·        ACCORDING TO "IN TOUCH" MAGAZINE RUMORS ARE THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN HEIDI MONTAG AND HER HUSBAND SPENCER COULD BE OVER. APPARENTLY HE'S BEEN SEEN WITH A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT WOMEN. TURNS OUT IT WAS A MISTAKE, THEY WERE ALL HEIDI.

·        EVERY GAMBLING WEBSITE HAS TIGER WOODS AS THE ODDS ON FAVORITE TO WIN THE MASTERS. IMAGINE IF HE PULLS IT OFF AND WINS.  EVERY GOLFER ON THE TOUR WILL BE GOING, “HONEY, I DIDN’T WANT TO CHEAT, BUT LOOK WHAT IT’S DOING FOR MY GAME.”