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FOX 'American Idol' audition recap, some thoughts on Atlanta

By April MacIntyre Jan 14, 2010, 14:28 GMT

Mary J. Blige Fame Pictures, Inc - Santa Monica, CA, USA

Atlanta, Georgia is a unique place, with its labyrinth underground city relic from the Civil War days and confusing propensity to preface every street in the metro area "Peach." It is also home to The Varsity, a must-see American diner experience that rocks, and is referred to as Hollywood East thanks to the state's generous tax breaks for filmmakers and Tyler Perry's enormous base of production.

Mary J. Blige was a peach of a guest judge for Wednesday night's "American Idol" and like Victoria Beckham, she didn't have a whole lot say, but conveyed a wide range of emotions via facial expressions and broke out in peels of laughter with a few doozy auditioners.  She did chastise a few who were deserving.

Before we get into it, I would like to thank General Larry Platt's for making me hear his inspirational fashion mantra, "Pants on the Ground," replay in my mind all night while I tried to sleep. Platt has had a cud full of thugs wearing gold on their teeth, sideways hats and pants that show off the chonies.  

Makeup divas Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders were the BFF's who were dubbed annoying Ditz's by Cowell, as Kara picked up that ball and polished it to  "The Ditzies" and Ms. Blige was mute (but her eyes said it all), paging M.A.C. makeup artists, we have a Def Con 3 stage makeover alert.  Sadly, only Carmen had the chops to earn a ticket, and her less talented friend craahhhdd and crahhhhdd all the way home.

A moment of praise for Johnny Confidence of the night, Mr. Skii Bo Ski, a black man who desperately wants a Polish surname. Antonio "Skii Bo Ski" Wheeler riffed to a befuddled Randy that he was a dollar store "package deal" and luckily sang well enough to move along to Hollywood.

Major love is going out to small town bridge-jumper and humble pie sweetie Vanessa Wolfe of Vonore, Tennessee. This gal is as backwoods Country as they get, with a good heart, interesting voice and kind energy.  Everyone picked up on it, even Blige, who I'm sure doesn't love the Country genre, but is astute enough to recognize real potential. 

The Idol producers were kind to this sweet, unpolished gem, and refrained from poking fun at her rural life.  They saved all that mean-spirited "make fun of the rednecks" regional humor for an Alabama's Jesse Hamilton later in the broadcast who claimed to cheat death at least three times. 

There was a nearly bald white cop who sang like black R&B singer, earning a golden ticket, and the "Human Guitar" gal twanged a country song that was good enough to charm Randy, Kara and Simon, but for Mary, it was the stink-eye: "I don't get it."

The "behavior" of the night was delivered by Blige fan Lamar Royal who was a bad listener and so contentious, his profanity-laced dismissal eliciting a wish that Paula Abdul had been there to see his genius.

See you in Chicago