Smallscreen News

Recap: 'Hell's Kitchen' wedding bells and botched risotto

By April MacIntyre Jul 3, 2007, 4:27 GMT

Gordon Ramsay - - London, England © Photorazzi

They should call this show Rock's gnashing of teeth cafe, or Melissa's red hair is garnishing my scallops again.

Jen is still wringing her hands, Bonnie cries a river and under-the-radar player Julia figures out the secret to a happy coexistence with Chef by actually tasting and monitoring the dishes.

Bonnie is the proverbial cheese in the dorm, she stands alone.  Acerbic Melissa is a raving megalomaniac and calls Bonnie “a failure waiting to happen.” Very nice.

The special Hell's Bells tonight had the kids off to the market on a budget to plan a meal for a wedding.

The challenge this week is the two teams have to market at the grocery store to plan a menu for a wedding reception. A meat dish, a fish dish, an appetizer and dessert.

Rock makes a comment that his ghettofied childhood gives him an angle on getting the goods cheap, but I don't think anyone is down for kool-aid jello and mac'n cheese, and despite all that horse manure the blue team is $37 over budget.

They cook scallops, sea bass and whisk up some Zabaglione.

While all the frisson was bubbling in the kitchen, Melissa worked everyone's last nerve with her little Mussolini act. 

"Awl dose girld wouda nevah gotten thru theyya dinnah sehvice widout me," she whines to the camera.

At one point she berates the even-keel Julia, “Don’t ask Bonnie questions, ask me.”

Rock the covetous chants “Hells’ bitches, hell’s bitches, yes!” instead of minding his own business.   Later in the show he utters "that bitch is crazy" in response to Melissa throwing him under the bus over some potato dish.

So, back to the bride and groom-to-be as they come in to check out the food, the teams neck in neck until the meat dishes.  The red team botch theirs while blue team cook a ribeye.

The guys won this challenge, and are given a lovely spa day-- acupuncture, massage, reflexology and a tug job (kidding).

Meow, hiss, catty bitchy Melissa insists on picking a fight, though, and tells the rest of the women their problem is that they need to grow a pair of testes.

The wedding planner in the show was a ringer for Bronson Pinchot as Serge in "Beverly Hills Cop".  "The garden of gorgeousness" planner had a surprise bitch fight with the maitre’d during dinner service.  Classic tv moment.

Melissa crosses the epicurean Maginot line and bugs Rock about the tatties, then give some lip to Chef who tells her repeatedly to shut up for 30 seconds, so she can learn something. 

Then the kicker happened as she dumped the Zabaglione in a water bath, and it looked as if she did it on purpose, too.  If not, she has no business being a proper chef.

Again, Josh ruins the risotto, but the end of the service no major heads were decapitated.  Jen is to choose the chopping block victims, and selects Melissa and cry-baby Bonnie.

Chef overrides and tells Melissa to give him her jacket...ohhh.. snap.. twist! She is given a blue team jacket. Rock must have rubbed his face in his hands a thousand times holding in all the ghettofied remarks while Josh just looked mortified.  Melissa is in for it with those boneheads.  See you next week Donkeys!