Smallscreen News

Jeremy Piven, Louis C.K. on Leno, video and monologue

By April MacIntyre Jun 24, 2010, 4:43 GMT

06/16/2010 - Jeremy Piven - "Entourage" Season 7 Premiere - Arrivals - Paramount Pictures Studios - Hollywood, CA, USA © David Gabber / PR Photos

Jay Leno has HBO "Entourage" star and Emmy winning actor Jeremy Piven on, who goes all Ari Gold on an NBC Page and FX star of "Louie" - comic Louis C.K. brings the laughs.  Drake performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS  WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 2010

AS YOU KNOW, GENERAL MCCHRYSTAL IS OUT.  THE PRESIDENT FIRED.  DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE DID IT?  HE TOLD HIM, “YES, YOU’RE CANNED!  YES, YOU’RE CANNED!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID TODAY, ALTHOUGH HE ADMIRES MCCHRYSTAL’S SERVICE AND DEDICATION TO HIS COUNTRY HE SAID, “YOU DON’T CRITICIZE YOUR BOSSES. THAT’S THE SAME REASON PRESIDENT OBAMA NEVER SAYS ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE CHINESE.

SO, THE BAD NEWS FOR MCCHRYSTAL IS HE GOT FIRED FOR INSULTING THE PRESIDENT.  BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT FOX SAID “WE’LL HIRE HIM.”

ACTUALLY MCCHRYSTAL NOW SAYING IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING. HE SAID HE DID MAKE THE COMMENTS IN “ROLLING STONE,” BUT THEY FORGOT TO ADD LOL.  SEE, THEY DIDN’T PUT THAT AT THE END.  SEE, THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

JASON HIRSCHHORN, THE CO-PRESIDENT OF MYSPACE, IS STEPPING DOWN AFTER JUST FOUR MONTHS ON THE JOB: TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA HOW BAD THINGS ARE AT MYSPACE, HE ANNOUNCED HIS RETIREMENT ON FACEBOOK.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE U.S. SOCCER TEAM.  THEY WON TODAY 1 – 0.  THE U.S. SCORED THE WINNING GOAL IN THE FINAL MINUTE OF THE GAME TO WIN 1-0.  YOU KNOW HOW THE GOAL WAS POSSIBLE?  APPARENTLY THE CORRUPT REFEREE WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION.  HE HAS NO IDEA HOW THAT ONE SLIPPED THROUGH.

SO AMERICA MOVES ON IN THE WORLD CUP.  SO THAT IS EXCITING.  IN FACT, ONE TV COMMENTATOR SAID TODAY THAT TODAY’S WORLD CUP MATCH HAD "A HOLLYWOOD ENDING".  THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT WHEN A GAME GOES DOWN TO THE WIRE. AND THE GOOD GUY WINS.  THEY CALL IT A "HOLLYWOOD ENDING."  THAT’S NOT A HOLLYWOOD ENDING.  A HOLLYWOOD ENDING WOULD MEAN THAT HALF THE PLAYERS ARE IN REHAB, THE OTHER HALF ARE DOING PORN.

ACCORDING TO THE U.N., PERU'S COCA CROP, THE RAW MATERIAL USED IN COCAINE, HAS GROWN FOR THE FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR.  WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE GET THE ENERGY? THEY ARE WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK.

AMERICAN AIRLINES SAYS IT HAS FOUND CRACKS IN THE MOUNTS THAT HOLD ENGINES ONTO THE WINGS OF TWO OF THEIR BOEING 767 JETS. BIG CRACKS.  THEY ALSO SAID IF YOU WANT A SEAT THAT'S FAR AWAY FROM THE CRACKS, YOU'LL NOW HAVE TO PAY AN EXTRA FEE . . .

KIND OF AN ODD STORY.  A VERY RICH WOMAN IN MIAMI DIED AND LEFT $3 MILLION TO HER PET CHIHUAHUA AND ONLY $1 MILLION TO HER SON. SO GUYS, THE NEXT TIME YOUR MOM SAYS, “SIT DOWN AND ROLL OVER,” JUST DO IT.  NOT A PROBLEM.

THE FDA SAYS CLINICAL TESTING OF THE NEW FEMALE VERSION OF VIAGRA HAS BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT SO FAR.  UNFORTUNATELY AN EVEN BIGGER DISAPPOINTMENT; THE MALE VERSION OF VAGASIL.  THAT'S GOING NOWHERE.  YOU CAN’T GIVE THAT AWAY.  FOR SOME REASON GUYS ARE NOT TAKING TO IT.

“TOY STORY,” A BIG HIT, MADE OVER $109 MILLION LAST WEEKEND.  I AM SO STUPID. I WENT TO GO SEE IT; I WALKED INTO THE WRONG THEATER. I WAS IN WEST HOLLYWOOD AND SAW,  “BOY TOY STORY” BY MISTAKE.  THE MAIN CHARACTER IS STILL WOODY, BUT IT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FILM.