DJ AM interview from TCA's, 'Gone Too Far' was to be his redemption

MTV brass and ISH producer Michael Hirschhorn were so proud to debut DJ AM's "Gone Too Far" reality intervention series at the recent summer TCA's in Pasadena, California. US disc jockey Adam Goldstein, known as DJ AM, has been found dead in a New York City apartment, according to reports on 28 August 2009. EPA/PAUL BUCK

US disc jockey Adam Goldstein, known as DJ AM, has been found dead in a New York City apartment, according to reports on 28 August 2009. EPA/PAUL BUCK I spoke to DJ AM and Mr. Hirschorn after their panel presentation, and their mood was upbeat, positive. DJ AM thanked me for my questions and interest in his show. Mr. Hirschorn expressed he felt good about the series and the impact DJ AM had made on people's lives, involved in the production of this tough series which placed Adam Goldstein (DJ AM's real name) right in people's lives, forcing them and family members to deal with addiction and their obfuscated truth.The sad news hit yesterday that an apparent overdose of drugs ended Adam's life. What to say about someone who was given a second chance after a horrific plane crash that claimed four lives. DJ AM told me about his then brush with fate, and how it affected him. "There were six of us, there were two survivors, me and one other, in a small Lear 60 Jet leaving South Carolina," said Adam. Travis Barker of Blink 182 was the "other," and the two men suffered severe burns, but lived to see another day. DJ AM noted his injuries: "I was second and third-degree burned on my arm, from putting out the fire on my friend who had jumped out of the plane and was on fire...there was no reason why I should have lived or that I lived and they didn't. It is something I struggle with every day, just kind of wondering. But I have realized I am never going to know. I am alive. I am here. I have another chance. So I have to do something better with my life this time."Producer Michael Hirschorn met with Adam prior to the plane crash for the show development. "I had only met Adam at the beginning of the production of this show, and was really blown away by him. He was a guy who went through everything, and considered suicide and really hit absolute rock bottom. And he is a person of incredible intelligence, integrity and passion and remarkable intensity who has literally been through everything. He was really someone who could come and talk to these kids on their level in a way that they are going to understand and respond to."Adam shared the moment that made him sober, which had lasted for eleven years before his death yesterday. "From when I was 300 something pounds I think I was the only fat crackhead that existed because I would be up all night long doing drugs, and the next day I was so scared that you would see me and see what I'd been doing, so I would just gorge on food. I'm just a gluttonous person. I like everything in large amounts. So I ballooned up." Adam continued, "For a long time I just didn't look at myself in the mirror. And one of those nights I did the same routine of swearing I'm never going to do this again, wishing that it would stop, praying to God, 'I'm never...' going to my Mom and crying. I'd seen therapists. I had done everything I could. It was one of those same old nights, and for some reason I looked at myself in the mirror, and I just saw myself for what I was, and it was, a moment that I just knew I couldn't go on. I went into my living room, and I had a .22 from when I was a paranoid cokehead, thinking the FBI was raiding my one-bedroom apartment because they were so concerned with me. I grabbed the gun off the top of my dresser, and I put it in my mouth, and I pulled the trigger. And it jammed. And I remember sitting there thinking, 'I can't even kill myself.' I repeated fifth grade. Everything in my life, I had just been a failure. like one thing after another. And I thought, 'I can't even do that, I'm stuck', Ironically, it was that morning that, although one of my friends, who was sober, a recovering addict, stopped by to check on me and said, 'Dude, you're coming with me. Let's go.' And I did listen, just for once. I went and I did everything he told me to do. That was 11 years ago."Extra sent over a last video interview of DJ AM: