Alright Donkeys, last night's "Hell's Kitchen" was a no miss smörgåsbord trainwreck of mental illness and a self-indulgent pity party.
Gordon Ramsay - - London, England © Photorazzi
Our first impressions of Matt were correct, and he should be banned from owning chef knives, a lethal potential weapon in his hands if you ask me.
The show has combined the blue and red teams together for one giant snarling snake pit of personalities, with elder, pragmatic Petrozza slightly regretting last week's LouRoss dispatching.
Am I the only one who thinks no one left in the show has the ability to run a proper restaurant? Seriously, a quarter million dollars and a head chef slot?
Ramsay doles out the black jackets and the teams were blended to one. Cue the bitching from: Christine, Corey, Matt, Jen.
Jen is attempting to mind-meld Ramsay with her recalcitrant "humble pie" act; Corey is looking like she is developing Rosacea, and Christine and Matt bait each with incessant bickering while Bobby and Petrozza sidestep the dung pile.
For the challenge, each one gets a prime piece of protein. Jen gets beef; Corey gets lobster; Petrozza gets chicken and on and on, and the chefs must make a signature dish in 45 minures to dazzle Ramsay.
Jen does a brave thing and slivers Prime rib to make roulades of beef stuffed with something nummy looking and a lovely reduction sauce. She wins the challenge and its Vegas, baby; get the lipgloss out and do that hair. She makes Machiavelli proud and takes her biggest enemy to Vegas (keep enemies closest) with her - Corey. They seem to get on. Complete fakery.
Okay, while this faux lovefest is going down in Sin City, our little Matt, who has seen a few victorious, happier moments on the show, has snapped. His mind has gone and he starts making frightening side comments to the point where Bobby and Petrozza are backing away from him, and we may just see a filleting of Christine any minute.
Christine aggravates Matt's broken mind by baiting him with "shut up Matt", and "f*ck you Matt."
Seriously folks, PSA time from Monsters and Critics: These aren't the kind of things you want to say to someone whose eyes are rolling in their sockets whilst bearing big fat sharp Henckels knives. Not ever.
So now we have the dinner service.
The deterioration of Matt's mind disables him from recalling an order count, and Ramsay smells the fire instantly; he knows Matt is at his last tether. The bastard hooked him to Christine for meat station! This was totally premeditated.
Long story short, Corey burns her hand. Matt and Christine cock up one meat dish after another, and despite the appetizers making it out and being successful, Ramsay loses his own mind when Matt completely wusses out with his "my shoulder hurts," and "I have a migraine" whining. It's on like Donkey Kong as Ramsay send him off to bed.
Everyone else gets the wrath of Ramsay and the kitchen and restaurant sends away a room full of starving people to the In N' Out Burger on Lankershim, once again.
Ramsay tells his lot of sorry cooks that the group should nominate two for elimination.
Matt was a no-brainer, but the next pick was fraught with gnashing of teeth: Christina (by association to Matt and the botched meat) takes the sword.
In a cunning political move, Corey nominated herself as a third candidate for elimination.
The three defend themselves as to why they should be there, and Matt blows it by insisting he is being "picked on" and complains which is Kryptonite to Ramsay.
Matt of the "white chocolate and raw scallop timbale" fame is outta there.
See you donkeys next week.
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