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Vanessa Lachey afraid of baby

Mar 9, 2013, 17:01 GMT

Vanessa and Nick Lachey

Vanessa Lachey thinks her baby blues were caused by fear.

The TV presenter - who gave birth to her first child Camden with her husband Nick Lachey five months ago - was terrified she didn't know what she was doing when he was first born and struggled with depression.

She wrote on her blog: 'I think it's just fear...The fear of not knowing what I'm doing. The fear of 'messing up' this little boy. The fear of being responsible for a human being and not knowing any 'life' experiences to compare moments with him to.

'I didn't feel like myself. Where was the super woman who always thought and knew she could do it all? Where was the organised Vanessa who had it all under control no matter what the obstacle? She was gone, and I thought... forever.

'On one particular day, I remember it was 1pm, and the whole family was upstairs. I was isolated down in my bedroom. Then when Camden was done eating, I wasn't able to lay and cuddle with him, which was always something I loved to do. I had to give him back to all the well wishers who wanted to hold him and love him, and I sat and waited for the next feeding, where I would do it all again. Instead of cherishing the moments I had with Cam, I was constantly thinking about how I would have to give him up at the end of the feeding.'

The 32-year-old brunette beauty managed to take a step back from her feelings, which helped her regain a sense of control and made her realise the importance of taking time for herself.

She said: 'I used to think it was selfish to be a new mom and ever think the word me. But now I realise, there is no Camden without me. And I want him to see the best of me in hopes that he can grow up to be an amazing, wonderful happy man who finds his own me in himself.'