Lisa Niemi 'harder than I ever imagined' on life without Patrick

By April MacIntyre May 6, 2010, 22:30 GMT

Patrick Swayze's widow Lisa Niemi is talking to the press: “It’s been a longer, harder road than I ever imagined...”

Eight months after Patrick Swayze’s passing, Lisa Niemi says she is still adjusting to life without her husband of 34 years.

In an exclusive interview with Access Hollywood, Niemi admits to using sleeping pills to help her cope and talks about the touching way she still feels Patrick's presence.

The complete interview airs tonight, Thursday, May 6th.

Niemi was wistful when she was asked about kids.  "Both of us always wanted to have kids. Just for whatever reason that's something that didn't happen and something that, you know, I have had regrets about. But some things, you just have to live with and be grateful for the things that you do have."

Does life imitate art? Asked if she had a "Ghost" feeling of having Patrick's spirit with her, Niemi explained, “I have some chimes outside my bedroom and on a windless evening when I take the dogs out for their last walk, they ring…So I like to believe that that's always him talking to me.”

Swayze succumbed to a 20-month battle against pancreatic cancer, even completing a season of the A&E series "The Beast" while in the treatment for his disease.

As Patrick’s illness progressed and cancer was taking its toll, his brother Donny Swayze said he assumed the roll of protector, shielding Patrick from hurtful headlines and photographers.

“To be chased by paparazzi when my brother is sick and nauseous, and having to drive erratically to avoid them, they physically hurt my brother," Donny explains. “And then they emotionally hurt him when they came out with all these pictures...he didn’t want people to see him that way.”

Niemi and Donny were at Patrick's bedside when he passed: “There was peace at the end…But he had been fighting for his life up 'til, just I mean, 'til he couldn't fight any longer."

"He was just such a force. He had an opinion about everything! He had a strong personality," Donny added. "My big brother was just bigger than life."