Toni Collette's award fear

Feb 25, 2010, 6:01 GMT

Toni Collette was "absolutely s***ting" herself when she won a Primetime Emmy Award.

The actress - who scooped the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series prize for her role in the TV show 'United States of Tara' last September - was petrified when she had to give her acceptance speech, because she has a phobia of public speaking.

She said: "I still have ridiculous fears.

"Things like having to stand up and talk in front of people. Like at the Emmys recently - I was absolutely s***ting myself. To death."

As well as being uncomfortable speaking in front of others, Toni - who has a two-year-old daughter Sage with her husband Dave Galafassi - is also terrified about what will happen to her and her loved-ones when they die.

She said:"I think about it a lot - you know, what's going to happen. I guess it's the fact that I won't exist and I won't be around people that I love. I suppose my worst fear is that I don't know what happens afterwards - it's the ultimate unknown."

Toni's concerns are so severe, she doesn't think she will be able to live her own life fully until she comes to terms with the fact her life will end some day.

She added to Psychologies magazine: "I think the nearer I get -and I am getting closer to it, I accept that - it doesn't make me freak out so much anymore. But I think the sooner I fully accept it, the sooner I will fully immerse myself in life. I think all this probably has a lot to do with my grandmother, who died when I was 12. I was completely ill-equipped to deal with it, and the loss came back years later like a sledgehammer to the back of my head. She was a very lovely presence, totally amazing."