Guy Ritchie releases the hounds: Madonna's list of shame

By April MacIntyre Oct 20, 2008, 2:51 GMT

It\'s OVER: A file picture dated 01 September 2008 shows British director Guy Ritchie and his wife, US singer Madonna arriving at the World Premiere of his new film \'RocknRolla\' at the Odeon West End in London, Britain. Madonna and Guy Ritchie are to divorce, according to media reports 15 October 2008. EPA/DANIEL DEME

The divorce rumblings coming from Madonna and Guy Ritchie augur for a terribly revealing and viciously unkind fight brewing between the two celebrities.

Now the laundry list of ills has leaked to the Daily Mail from Camp Ritchie about Madonna's Draconian edicts issued in the Ritchie-Ciccone domicile in Jolly Olde.

This is after Maddona leaked to the tabloids that Guy likened her to an old granny and shamelessly flirted in front of her.

The tipping point according to previous UK tabloid reports, was that the "emotionally_retarded" Ritchie didn't tend to his wife enough after a terrible equestrian spill that left Madonna laid up with broken bones.

Even Guy's 78-year-old father John Ritchie told The Daily Mail, 'She is being beastly. She's calling him an emotional retard. When he's being bashed by her it's horrid."

Now the UK's Daily Mail has leaked, via reliable sources, the Ritchie "bitchy" greatest Madonna hits

Allegedly, Madonna emasculated the Brit bloke. The paper claims all life and decisions inside casa de Ritchie-Ciccone were dictated by Madonna.

Allegedly, Madonna is fortunate enough to afford $1000-a-jar snake oil cream and she slathers in it nightly and covers in a plastic body-suit to fight the aging process.

Allegedly, Madonna is a Java snob and only allows a Colombian concoction to be served in the home.

Allegedly, Madonna has crazy demands with regards to blueberries. Only Canuck organic blueberries are shipped to Jolly Olde for Madonna's consumption.

Allegedly, Madonna won't put a salami in her mouth, and hates processed meat and would allow it in the home on very rare occasions, like when Guy's blokes came over for a rare card game.

Allegedly, Madonna is a dairy-hater and forbids the moo juice and all its resultant by-products inside casa de Ritchie-Ciccone.  Ultimate Yank-on-Brit indignity: Guy suffered his tea time with rice milk.

Allegedly, Maddona hates the white devil, sugar, that is.  We can't fault her for this one, sugar is ruinous for anyone's health. She apparently banned sugar entirely, which, says the Mail, "made biscuits, ice creams and cakes objects of almost otherworldly fascination for her daughter Lourdes and their son Rocco." Cheese, cream, salt and preservatives were also a no-no.

Allegedly Madonna is a fitness freak: Those sinewy arms and thighs come at a price. Her exercise routine averages two hours a day, six days a week, and rules her life. Madonna's trainer is ensconced in the casa de Ritchie-Ciccone for the last year.

Allegedly, Madonna hates the boob tube. A no-TV ban and a no-newspaper ban is mandated at the casa de Ritchie-Ciccone.