Peter Andre's braggin' on his Johnson

what the...?Aug 4th, 2007 - 21:40:49

'Jordan recently gave birth to the couple's third child, Princess Tiaamii, and says she is now ready to have sex again.'

This sentance doesn't make sense.

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sure it doesAug 4th, 2007 - 22:01:22

Jordan is desperate to remain relevant in that UK D listed way so if she says outrageous things and shows up all over London in a t-shirt dress and stilettos minus brand new baby Princess whatthehell, she manages to hang on to a shred of fame. Despite the fact when you look at her from a normal distance, the cracks in her face are harsh.

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Bob Fisk - BeirutAug 5th, 2007 - 03:09:50

I have little or no idea who these demented folk are, (Peter? Andre? Katie? What price?) and indeed what a 'Johnson' is,(some sort of outboard motor I gather) but if his is the size of an extra-large TV remote, this gentleman must certainly derive much pleasure in pressing its buttons.
And of course, he would never allow his wife to seize the remote!

It's a man's prerogative to keep the remote always in HIS hand. It's a rule amongst us men: women must never be allowed to play with this device. I have instructed my sons on this matter to no end.

But on a sadder note, we note that the new mother, albeit apparently extremely 'well-endowed', refuses to allow her newborn to nurse from her, preferring instead that her milk go to waste. Well, perhaps her well-endowed husband drinks it.
Alas, for Britain there is currently an outbreak of Hoof-and-Mouth disease in our fair land, and cows are unceremoniously being slaughtered. This, no doubt, will lead to a shortage in dairy products in the near future.

Obviously it is this young woman's duty to serve the motherland (no pun intended) and alleviate the dairy shortage.
Assuming there is no longer any Colostrum left for her now-sickly child, she should posthaste offer her services to Her Majesty's Dairy council and help stem the forthcoming cheese and yogourt shortage.
If she suffers 'MR' (Mammary Retentiveness, similar to Anal Retentiveness) and has difficulty lactating, then I would suggest a cupful of warm Pinoqachole to relax her. It did the trick for Anna Nicole Smith I am told. Alas, the latter's milk contained excessive amounts of Silicone for some peculiar reason and was not fit for her child. But I digress.

She reports that only her overly-endowed husband may touch her mammary glands. This problem is easily overcome- let her husband milk her. And perhaps video it and post the testament on YouTube! This should result in the great publicity they so desperately desire.

And if there is need of an observer, then I, Robert Fisk, proposed guardian to her baby, will volunteer.
In any event, it always saddens me to see udders and lactose go to waste.
Fortunately her husband still has his outboard motor to occupy his attention.
Well! Enough said!
'In lactose veritas', an elderly midwife in Beirut mysteriously once said to me. She was frail and toothless (having chewed through countless umbilical cords), but smiled warmly when I tossed a shilling at her feet.
....

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Peter AgaveOct 11th, 2007 - 04:53:51

I can only advise Bob Fisk that if he doesn't know what an 'Outboard' is, (see Wikipedia) then he should take a sex-education class, if such things are actually offered in Beirut! (snicker)
At worst, he should drink some of that rancid Pinoqachole himself, and rent a porn movie!

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Pushtab, Nephew of Mrs. GuptaDec 18th, 2007 - 09:18:53

Oh, ho-ho!
Mr.Agave, it is best for you to keep pressing those buttons on YOUR TV remote!
And never let a man chew on its corners! Or a woman for that matter.
And beware of any unpasteurized beverages therein.

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Craven MoreheadJul 15th, 2009 - 06:18:21

Johnson outboard motors? TV Remotes? Pinoqachole laxatives? Shillings and breast milk tossed at umbilical-cord-chewing old ladies?
I cannot seem to fathom the whole continental drift of this peculiar article.
GOOD GOD! Has Britain gone mad?

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