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Peter Andre's braggin' on his Johnson
Aug 4, 2007, 11:00 GMT
06/05/2007 - Peter Andre - Katie Price Arrives at Harrods in London To Launch Her New Novel, Crystal - Harrods - London, England © Solarpix / Photorazzi
Peter Andre's manhood is the size of Sky+ remote control.
Who is Peter Andre you ask? The husband of the big-breasted Jordan who is sort of the Tara Reid, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined of Britain. What is Sky+ you ask? A channel in the UK.
The singer claims he is very well-endowed and is "proud" he can measure up to such a large device.
Peter - who is married to "glamour model" (poses nude) Jordan - told Britain's OK! magazine: "I'm proud of it! It's the size of the Sky remote control - I've measured it."
Jordan, real name Katie Price, added: "It's the size of the Sky+ one - the one with the grey bits on - that's bigger than the normal remote."
Jordan recently gave birth to the couple's third child, Princess Tiaamii, and says she is now ready to have sex again.
She said: "We can have sex now but we have to take it easy, I don't want a ripped-out uterus thank you! But I need a good s***w!"
The blonde model also revealed she isn't breastfeeding Princess Tiaamii because she thinks only Pete should be touching her boobs.
She added: "I don't want a baby drinking from me - the thought of it makes me feel really funny. I think there's only a certain person could handle my knockers!"
(C) BANG Media International
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Older Talkback
page: 1
Jordan is desperate to remain relevant in that UK D listed way so if she says outrageous things and shows up all over London in a t-shirt dress and stilettos minus brand new baby Princess whatthehell, she manages to hang on to a shred of fame. Despite the fact when you look at her from a normal distance, the cracks in her face are harsh.
I have little or no idea who these demented folk are, (Peter? Andre? Katie? What price?) and indeed what a 'Johnson' is,(some sort of outboard motor I gather) but if his is the size of an extra-large TV remote, this gentleman must certainly derive much pleasure in pressing its buttons.
And of course, he would never allow his wife to seize the remote!
It's a man's prerogative to keep the remote always in HIS hand. It's a rule amongst us men: women must never be allowed to play with this device. I have instructed my sons on this matter to no end.
But on a sadder note, we note that the new mother, albeit apparently extremely 'well-endowed', refuses to allow her newborn to nurse from her, preferring instead that her milk go to waste. Well, perhaps her well-endowed husband drinks it.
Alas, for Britain there is currently an outbreak of Hoof-and-Mouth disease in our fair land, and cows are unceremoniously being slaughtered. This, no doubt, will lead to a shortage in dairy products in the near future.
Obviously it is this young woman's duty to serve the motherland (no pun intended) and alleviate the dairy shortage.
Assuming there is no longer any Colostrum left for her now-sickly child, she should posthaste offer her services to Her Majesty's Dairy council and help stem the forthcoming cheese and yogourt shortage.
If she suffers 'MR' (Mammary Retentiveness, similar to Anal Retentiveness) and has difficulty lactating, then I would suggest a cupful of warm Pinoqachole to relax her. It did the trick for Anna Nicole Smith I am told. Alas, the latter's milk contained excessive amounts of Silicone for some peculiar reason and was not fit for her child. But I digress.
She reports that only her overly-endowed husband may touch her mammary glands. This problem is easily overcome- let her husband milk her. And perhaps video it and post the testament on YouTube! This should result in the great publicity they so desperately desire.
And if there is need of an observer, then I, Robert Fisk, proposed guardian to her baby, will volunteer.
In any event, it always saddens me to see udders and lactose go to waste.
Fortunately her husband still has his outboard motor to occupy his attention.
Well! Enough said!
'In lactose veritas', an elderly midwife in Beirut mysteriously once said to me. She was frail and toothless (having chewed through countless umbilical cords), but smiled warmly when I tossed a shilling at her feet.
....
I can only advise Bob Fisk that if he doesn't know what an 'Outboard' is, (see Wikipedia) then he should take a sex-education class, if such things are actually offered in Beirut! (snicker)
At worst, he should drink some of that rancid Pinoqachole himself, and rent a porn movie!
Oh, ho-ho!
Mr.Agave, it is best for you to keep pressing those buttons on YOUR TV remote!
And never let a man chew on its corners! Or a woman for that matter.
And beware of any unpasteurized beverages therein.
Johnson outboard motors? TV Remotes? Pinoqachole laxatives? Shillings and breast milk tossed at umbilical-cord-chewing old ladies?
I cannot seem to fathom the whole continental drift of this peculiar article.
GOOD GOD! Has Britain gone mad?
page: 1
what the...?Aug 4th, 2007 - 21:40:49
'Jordan recently gave birth to the couple's third child, Princess Tiaamii, and says she is now ready to have sex again.'
This sentance doesn't make sense.
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