Britney Spears posts open letter to fans

By Stone Martindale May 29, 2007, 20:07 GMT

Britney Spears performs REUTERS SCHWEIZ/Siggi Bucher

Britney Spears has posted an open letter on her website that mentions her ex, Kevin Federline and her trip to Malibu rehab.

In the letter, Spears tells her fans, "I was so lost."

Spears explains what drove her to rehab, how she feels she has been swamped by the press and how all she really wants is for her kids to have a normal childhood like her own.

"Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab," wrote Spears, "I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost."

After rehiring her longtime manager Larry Rudolph,  Spears abruptly fired him last month and posted a video mocking him and the media circus around her: "I just want to say that, um, I'm just really, really shocked at like how nice our world is because it's just so nice," she said in a sing-song Valley Girl accent in the video message. "Like, oh my God! Like, the other day, like I was sitting there and I saw these magazines and they said I was pregnant, and like, it's so true. Like America, believe everything you read. Because, like, you're smart and I'm stupid. Like for real. Come on y'all. ... And, like, my management totally knew what they were doing when they sent me to rehab. So right, you know. Just like, I'm just gonna cry right now because the world is so nice."

Spears also blames her entourage:  "..I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another person's intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life."

Spears seems to hope her posted confession will change people's minds about her: "It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be," she wrote, "that people just say you are a 'bitch.' "

"I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me," she said. "But now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn't be here."

"I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes every day, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or 'Good Morning America.' I am only human, people, and I love you for still loving me."

The letter ends with Spears counting her blessings: "Every day is so surreal," she said. "Life in general is so surreal and crazy. I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want ... and that is to be happy.

"It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him ... or her."

source